I Was Trying To Be Someone I Was Not Ment To Be Studying At University In Law

I was living a lie about the abuse... not out of choice ... no one would let me talk about it.. eventually I found a counsellor called "Judy" and support group ...and she helped me reclaim the parts of myself that no one was willing to acknowledge ...eg the young lady that wanted to be thin and pretty and asked out on dates and have friends and an identity of her own ... instead most times I am just "johns or rose sister.... margaret and clements daughter" .... I hardly had any friends of my own.. in my teens and twenties and thirties...I still don't.

I felt I was living a lie about when I was going to start the law subjects ...cuz it always became next semester I will try kind of thing... unable to face the abuse and sexual assaults I had gone through.... I couldn't face my teachers and other students without fear and shame.


I felt I was living a lie about this girl who wanted so much to be educated .. but I was maybe never supposed to go to university ...or well as joyce was leading me to believe about myself.


I don't feel I was living any other lie.... I was still a virgin, I was still desperate to lose weight and keep it off

I was still wanting to find the right course and career for me.

I wanted so desperately to have a group of friends who would love me... and they have still never came...


czaristacrystals czaristacrystals
36-40, F
Apr 18, 2012