I haven't been talking to my mother much since of lately. it always seems like a cycle. She blows up, says horrible things to me, and when she feels better, she tries to come around and pretend that nothing happened. I am sick of it. It's like I am on a emotional roller coaster sometimes which feeds off her mood swings. This morning she was obviously upset, and like always she got angry again. She started to rant while I was sleeping, like she always does.

I will try to repeat some of the things she said to me verbatim: "I will pray that good kill you."
"Watch me, you just started a war."
"You don't know me. You lived with me for 17 years but you don't know me."
"You either go get a job, or find a man and get out." (I've been searching for a job."
"September coming, I don't know how you are going to go to school, because I am not going to give you any money."
"I will send you back to Jamaica and make you suffer."
"I don't need you. I am going to live for me as of now."
"There is nothing wrong with excelling, but know your place. Stop acting like your white."
"You are so lazy."
"If it is me to sign anything to send you to college, you will never go. i will don't spend any money on an ungrateful child. You might end up going to a community college, and have to struggle your way through college, like everybody else. You need to see how black people struggle..."
lielamonroe lielamonroe
18-21, F
Aug 20, 2014