U Really Wanna Know? Ok.

1. I have a twin sister, & we never get along. She didn't even call me for our 26th b-day, but she talked to everyone else.

2. Music sounds remind me of colors, & unusual thoughts go on in my mind while listening. I have to meditate, & I can't be interrupted.

3. I suffer OCD, anxiety, Tourette's, & depression, & I have traits of ADHD & Asperger's.

4. I had 2 strokes @ age 5, nose surgery twice-ages 10 & 11, eye surgery @ age 5, & we stayed in & out the Dr.'s & hospitals.

5. I come from a big family who doesn't care about me. Mom tried to slam me & my twin sister in a drawer as newborns, & that's how we ended up in foster care. Stayed with SAME abusive foster family until AFTER 18. Yeah, I said it! They stole the UNDESERVED reward of being foster parents of the year. They tried to murder me on NUMEROUS occasions, & since they were buddy-buddy with the cops, the cops, social workers, psychiatrists, & others ENCOURAGED the abuse & didn't believe anything I said!

6. I fear my future because of my past, & people keep giving me mixed messages about "life". They tell me not to dwell on or worry about the past, but they use it against me & throw it in my face & expect me to take emotional spankings I don't deserve.

7. I had a very unmemorable childhood, & I STAYED punished! Especially for reasons I didn't know. Also, I shouldn't have had to be considered a "bad" child if I have a neurological & mental disability. Foster mom punished me from high school Sr. prom over a minor Tourette's outburst. She KNOWS I have TS. Punished from EVERYTHING! That's why, @ age 26, people think I'm dumb because I've been overly sheltered all my life, & the foster mom had everyone else in her family taking care of & babysitting us frequently. Most folks say I ask questions others my age already know. That's true because I don't have much life experience. @ age 26, I still feel like my life is PUNISHED because people always try to make my life decisions FOR me, & they're not even bad decisions! Even if it's a matter of grocery shopping & choosing what brand of water to buy. Same price but different taste & type. I rather Ozarka than Evian. Tastes better.

8. I'm lucky to have 2 personal friends/mentors who are more therapeutic & helpful than doctors, social workers, case managers, counselors, pastors, etc. Yes, I used to have imaginary friends from ages 6 til 13. I was an outcast of the school. These 2 friends are just as real as me & you, but I don't introduce them to my family because they run away every friend or boyfriend I get. So, what did I say on point 6 about people using my past against me?

2006-2007 was 1st long-term boyfriend. Tell me how, soon as he met my family by phone, he started changing his ways on me, & it was revealed that he cheated. Shattered heart. Well, these 2 "friends" I have, never met my family & never will. I'll keep it that way, OK? 6 1/2 mos., & I thought this guy was faithful. These 2 friends (female) told em that they really want to see me improve my life & grow as a more improved person & move wherever I move. I said I want to travel. They said they want to see me finally happy & get what I want.

9. I have my BA degree in Spanish, even though 2.3 GPA overall, but 2.8 in my major. I want to become a translator & maybe interpreter. Unsure about interpreting because of my Tourette's. I graduated high school with 3.6 GPA. Top 10% of my class Honors. I used to be in special ed, but I was mainstreamed & progressed very well. With college, everything went downhill with my grades because I had just turned 18, foster family stole my $$, biological family (including twin) threatened me out of $$ I didn't have, or else they'd make dangerous, life-threatening lies on me. No one wanted to see me make it through college, but I DID! My family issues affected my mental health, & they both contributed to my poor grades.

10. I suffered Hurricane Katrina, & I'm still trying to recuperate, mentally & financially. I'm in HIGH debt! I don't want to file for bankruptcy or any of that. I'll pay back every penny I owe, & I was told I have to be responsible for the $$ my family threatened me out of. I dream that once all this debt is paid off, I can be happy. I want to learn a lot in life. I want more adventure & experience. I want to get married & have 3 kids, 2 dogs, 5 cats, & 5 exotic fish. Maybe 12 fish, since 12 is my favorite #. I want my house custom-built. I can't draw at all, but I can mentally envision how I want my house to be. My dream car is an Audi that's purple. Doesn't matter really what model, as long as it's freshly new & up-to-date & a manual transmission. My favorite plum purple with dark yellow AND purple inside. Color of the yellow traffic light. Like that golden orangy-yellow color. Hmmm...LA Lakers & LSU colors. 


***Here's a bonus. I LOVE bonuses, you guys.


Become a writer, write a multi-volume autobiography & publish it in other languages. Learn more languages, write fiction & translate them myself, become physically fit & happy. Improve my swimming skills, become a certified lifeguard & scuba diver, learn to make music & become @ least an instrumentalist. I don't have to sing or rap. I was told to not let anyone deter me from my dreams. if I have to disown my family, I'll DO it! 

I see why we were put in foster care, but unfortunately, the foster family was so abusive that my biological family may as well should've kept us. Biological & foster family have been grudging against each other for YEARS, but it's amazing how 1 family is a mirror of the other, with thoughts, opinions about me, morality, etc.


otad12 otad12
31-35, F
2 Responses Aug 30, 2009

Well, true. But with my OCD, it's hard to block out those thoughts. It's not easy like you think. Otherwise, I WOULD let it go. I WISH I could let it go. I'm not using my OCD as an excuse, either. Trying to improve & get better.

OTAD12, you do KNOW, that you are NOT alone in having been raised in a very disturbing setting, right? I use to dwell on my childhood also. But the more I did, the worse off I was mentally. I made a vow with myself, that anytime something disturbing would pop into my mind, that I would BLACK it out.STOP the thought from growing any further. That has really helped ,especially once I learned how to control the Black out part. YOU are 26 no one can control you, NO ONE. And your memories of your past do not control you either, Only If you allow them to. I know by sharing 10 things about yourself with us, you were also getting a lot off your chest. You have done that, and it may take a few more times doing it over again. But try the Black out method if you can. Now about me 1. sexually molested at 7. 2. mother was out of the picture. 3. married 4 times.<br />
4. got a college degree. 5. lost my job due to being BP. 6.HATE to take pills. 7. Love to research anything that pops in my mind. 8 Reading is my favorite hobby. 9 Like to watch Ghost Hunters, even though I think they are kind of silly. 10. Glad to have found EP, it is kind of fun here. See one day, I hope that when someone asks you to name 10 things, that you can do so as JUST facts of life. Everyone of us have our FACTS. We just have to learn to not allow them to interrupt our present and futures, Right???