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30 Years.

I have always been attracted to older men, I enjoy the stability and that maturity level along with many other perks.  I am 20 years old and until a couple weeks ago the biggest age difference I had in a relationship was with a man who was 34; and that relationship did not go very far for many reasons.  

About 10 days ago I met a man who is fifty year's old and we just had a bit of a connection; at the time because of the age difference we where strictly friends and we both where under the assumption that that was as far as it could ever go.  I mean, his youngest child is older than me, and he is older than my mother and only a few years shy of my father.  

Either way, the connection between us was undeniable so we started talking and getting to know each other.  He is extremely successful, intelligent, passionate, wealthy and dedicated.  He is a driven human being who's life is set for him so now he is dedicating his time to helping disabled children in the school system - he recently just finished writing a novel the subject.  This man is everything I am looking for in a human being and More - but the fact of the matter is that he is 30 years older than me.  

I am the one who first brought up sex - not in a suggestive matter - but in a silly way when I admittedly was flirting with him. The conversation kept growing and it was clear that our sexually chemistry was connecting as well.  

We both realize that it has only been 10 days since we started talking but thing's just seem to keep progressing so quickly.  He is leaving for San Diego for the week on business and I am finishing up exams so we decided to take some time to just think about things and decide what exactly is going on here.  He asked me if realistically i would ever be able to introduce him to my family and friends as his partner; and I asked him the same about me as far as his children and family go.  We both know that we are not close to that stage of a "relationship" but it's something that we need to think about before we do anything that we might regret.  

My feeling's for this man are growing quickly and it sounds like his feelings for me are growing fast too.  He feel's like it's unfair to me because he doesn't want to get to a point where he won't be able to satisfy me; or he is worried that he will get ill.  I told him that these things could just as easily happen to me in my 20's.  

 

I feel like I am jumping the gun writing this entry because the truth is it has been 10 day's... but this is all that is on my mind lately.  I always take my relationships slow and give them time to grow but this situations requires some thought before we get our feet wet.  Any words of wisdom or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.  

 

-annalea. 

UPDATE: Ok - i wrote this entry a long time ago - and I still seem to be getting comments on it - So I thought I would update. Nothing ended up happening between this man and I. His daughter suddenly passed away and he obviously did not take that very well. He had a lot to deal with - his family, other children, himself.... He still wanted to persue a relationship but after every that happened the timing just wasn't right. And that is life. Since this post I have met - and enjoyed the company of a few more mature - men. I have not started any serious relationships with any of them - but I have learned that age is just a number. I do not choose my friends nor my lovers based on anything other then the quality of their heart.

annalea annalea 22-25, F 68 Responses Apr 19, 2010

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I agree with it being based on the heart more than anything else. My last gf was 28 years younger than me.

i guess number is just numbers but it is a fact that he is quite older then u by 30 yrs or so... i guess everything is fine by it except the possibility of them leaving quicker then u think... its only been 10 days right?? its only visible how it really goes when u two get into a relationship... dats wen u see for urself if its meant to be or not.. my relationship in age gap was similar we started out liking one another more n more then got into a relationship usually by the 5th month u tend to see the difference.. both my age gap relationship was like dat.. ive only been in an age gap of 9 yrs i dont think ill go more then 10 yrs

I love this post and I'm sorry it didn't work out I know it's a bit cliche but age to me is really just a number I met a woman on a dating site she was 45 years old I was 18 at first we both decided it was just sex but we had this amazing bond two days after what was an amazing night I couldn't stop thinking of her valentines day was a week away so I decided I was going to ask her out to my surprise she said yes and that night was one of the best of my life it was perfect restaurant on the water front lobster laughs we fell in love that night assured that however as our love grew the hate that both of us received from her daughter who was 23 grew and 6 months into the relationship she left cause of her daughter we still chat sparingly shes with a guy her own age now but I will always love her and Im glad she's happy

Oh so 26 years

I am 40 and went on a "first date" with a friend of 15 years. He is 67. Let's just say the date lasted 22 hours. I had the time of my life, and I am pretty sure that he did too.

I am 74 and i have a girl friend who is 31 and we have been going together for 7 years she has met my children and grandchildren and they all like each other, What you cant do with older people is take it slowly time could run out and by the way the sex is fantastic

My ex was 12 years older to me. This will roll on and one...so let the comments keep coming in please.

12 years age gap is nothing when compared to 20-30 year age gap.

I think large age gap dating has many advantages for both parties involved. Such a shame that society at large has such a negative view of it...especially the American culture. Wonder if we will ever move beyond our Puritan roots? Surely not in my lifetime. But I do hope to one day enjoy a meaningful relationship with a much younger woman.

I got to this page because I may be getting into a similar situation with a work colleague.. She is over 30 years younger than I. I don't yet no if she's just playing or flirting but she started the whole thing off. I would have thought it out of the question. I know I should stop but I am having feelings that I thought I would never have again. And yes I do feel flattered by a beautiful young woman's attention. Even if it is just a game it's been fun anyway and I'll try not to be too hurt.

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well annalea..its so lovely for you to share such lovely thoughts! im completely amazed tht many ppl in the world still understd love and true meaning of soul! wht got me most was "I do not choose my friends nor my lovers ba<x>sed on anything other then the quality of their heart."♥♥♥leisa

11 years. I was 21 she was 32. We got married, had a beautiful daughter. 15 years later she died. I still miss her.

Sorry about that. I am 33 and my GF is 22. Met her a year ago.

I just married my best friend, who is 64. I am 31. We dated when I divorced my child's father, when I was 22 and he was in his fifties. At that time, we lived together and said we were "roommates". I was too scared to tell my family and most friends. Also, he has a disability caused from the war in Vietnam, so there is that also. Anyway, after being together in my early 20's for 2.5 years, he told me I should "see the world, go to college, date younger men than him." I was devastated, but what could I do? He is the only ex I've ever remained friends with and he's been the best friend I've ever had. After living with him, we were never intimate again, as I was dating (many) other men. I also obtained several college degrees. This January 2012, after a terrible break-up from an abusive boyfriend, I asked him if I could stay at his home for awhile, and give him money to build a little cabin on his property. Well, totally out of the blue, he asked me to marry him. He told me if we married, my child and I would get great healthcare, free education, and I'd receive his pension and disability when he passes. This is because he's a disabled veteran. He told me he's always loved me and is tired of seeing me abused by men. He said he knew I needed to "sow my wild oats" and now, if we married, it was, for him, about my long-term security, and not about sex. Nonetheless, since we married in February 2012, we've decided to resume the relationship we ended in 2005. All of this time, he's been the keeper of my most secret secrets, a shoulder to lean on, and even my childcare provider and a father figure for my child. I love him, he loves me and my daughter is so happy we are married. I would consider having a child with him, in fact. I'm still attending college which he totally supports. All the other boyfriends I had were intimidated by me attending college. This just goes to show the difference in maturity in younger/older men. We live in a small town and I know people say things, but I no longer care. We are happy together. People are just jealous! I feel safe, secure, loved and cherished, and I enjoy that he's not pawing at me like a young man. I don't want sex as much as I used to and, in fact, it's not all that important to me now, although I would miss it if it was only once a season or something. I'm happy he gave me the chance to, basically, "grow up" for the past several years, though. People change a lot in 5-10 years; it really did make a difference. The marriage came totally out of the blue. If I decide to have a child with him, they will retain full Government healthcare, a 4-year college education and more so, even if he was to die when a child was young (and that can happen to young people or couples split up, or children abandoned by their fathers, like my ex-husband did), his child would be far better set up than most children across the world. The child would also know they were wanted and no an "accident". I believe, when life gives you chances, sometimes they only come once. Do what your heart (and brain) desire...

For me, it was 10 years... I am 29 this year and she's 19, and even though it's done now (living in different countries), we last 4 years, she was 15 when we started, and I had the confidence of her parents and rest of the family :)

I love hearing about other couples that have a big age difference, there is 21 years between my boyfriend and myself. and we have been together for 5 wonderful years, have a beautiful 20 month old daughter together (he also has a 20 year old son and I have a 8 year old daughter from other relationships) and are looking into having an elopement in the next couple of years, Age is nothing but number. If your lucky enough to find someone who truely takes your breath away, hang on to it for dear life. Some people will never get that experience.. Just sayyin <3

When I was 18 (in college) I "dated" my 60-year-old professor. It was fun!

When I was 18 (in college) I "dated" my 60-year-old professor. It was fun!

Hi Annalea, I am a guy and in my early twenties started to date a series of women ranging from late 30s to mid 50s.......I did settle for 5 years with a woman who was 20 years older than me and had 2 teenage children.....we got on fine and both had a good relationship which was broken only by my job taking me far away and she wamted to/needed to stay where she was. (she started a relationship with a guy younger than me as soon as we split?) The woman I lived with did not want any more children, (I already had a daughter from a short marriage when I was 19) I do and did have relationships with women my own age, and as I progressed in age it seemed that younger women wamted to date me, indeed when I was 30, I had a sweet 17 year old who really was in love/infatuated with me and she just would not give up, I told her to come back when she was 21!!! (she did) but there were just too many family/educational differences between us. (she eventually married a guy from her own background and had 2 children) In my opinion age does not matter, but who a person is does. I hope you will not take this badly, but do think, if your guy was nearer to your age and you had married and had children then his daughter from an older relationship had died....would you expect him to break up your family/relationship because of grief??? a person who engages in relationships needs to be strong, the wold can be a cruel place but your immediate relationship and children come first. So age was not a factor in your breakup, his strength of character was and this can be true of a guy in his 20s. My last relationship with a much younger girl (I,m early 40s) was with an American girl who was visiting relatives in England for several months she was 20 years younger than me and she intiated the relationship (I gave her a ride home, she had twisted her ankle whilst walking in the English countryside, she was also some 4 inches taller than me, very tall girl, so she was neither ageist or heightist???? I have no idea whether she was being nice, but she told me that she had never had an older guy before and the sex was fantastic and she would try more older guys when she got home......she would have loved to stay but education comittments etc at home were calling.....I do believe we could have married and had children, we talked of it in those few months. Well thats my addition to all this, there are views from all sides, but I am always pleased to see girls who are not ageist, it is the person inside that counts....if the age is great you can have a good relationship for years but so long as you both know it must end sometime you can enjoy while it lasts. I also believe that many young girls have a terrible introduction to sex 'with a spotty fumbling youth in the back of an old car'???? those that have had a much nicer intro with older men tend to remember it and demand better of their later passions, which is good for them and teaches less experienced guys that they must work harder at making it good for the girl and not just be selfish.

I'm 20 and i'm engaged to someone 9 years older then me I don't see the problem with the age differences.

It is kind of an observation of mine that there is a small number of women scattered through the majority that really truly are by nature lovers of older men. I say thank God for them.<br />
I am not for the young woman being a home wrecker, destroying marriages simply going for what she wants. One should be strong if the other is weak. Don't do those things that deep down you know aren't right no matter how much you ignore your friends.<br />
Myself I have a career that I could never rationalize burdening a family situation with. It is my work and I am good enough at it, but be a family man with it? Never. Not enough stability. I was also not good parent material being short on patience, rebellious in nature, and generally all around immature. I struggled to be employable at steady jobs. The construction field was perfect for me.<br />
Now at the end of a long and varied career, I am able to hold a steady job, am still learning lessons in patience that bring me right to my knees sometimes, am rebellious in a choose your battles sort of way, and generally all around more mature. <br />
It is a kind of look around and pinch myself to see if it is all real. I am on the other end about to retire, healthy with a battered but well shaped body and thinking of finally being able to rationally live the dream of having family, my own family, not the wreckage of other peoples families. Rationally except the age difference. This is America and its present culture basically rates an older man with a much younger woman as nearly perverted. This of course is absurd. It is a cultural norm now that is all. A mind thing, just like paper money is a mind thing. We believe it and therefore it is. <br />
A younger woman can if she loves and desires her older man can keep him working just fine for a very long time if he wants that. She may have to get used to longer sessions of total sexual contact with a lot more foreplay for her man while she is getting her extended foreplay and first ******. She may have to enjoy keeping higher quality food in the refridgerator .... lots of differences of lifestyle really but bottom line-- no matter how old she gets she is his young gorgeous beautiful princess that he loves with all his heart.

Interesting story :)<br />
<br />
I'm 20 yrz old and I have been in a relationship w/my boyfriend for a year now.<br />
<br />
he is 49 .. he will be 50 this year.. a 30 year age gap *hehe<br />
we are best friends and know eachother inside and out. We do have our bad times but every relationship is a wild rollercoaster ride.<br />
<br />
I'm from sf so im pretty color blind when it comes to race (just wanna throw that in)<br />
<br />
Im black and he's white. Because of the age diff we have totally different backrounds.. i mean. he owned a busineess by 17yo and was married by 16 lol.. and as for me.. from the bay, raised in the hood. graduated high school in 2008. I'm not ghetto at all but my family can go there and bringing him to my family would be pure entertainmnt to me. but a year has passed and only some family members have came to our apartment to visit me and see how im living with this man. <br />
<br />
( they think im like smoking crystal meth full speed ahead not getting anywhere in life. Prostituting and living the fast life)<br />
<br />
little did they know (as for the visitors) i was being spoiled rotton and my boyfriend was "helllla coo" as they put it.. they cant wait to visit me again ;)<br />
<br />
ok i drifted off ... <br />
<br />
i thinnk Sprin-autumn relationships are cool. You can learn and teach so much <3<br />
<br />
-Natasha

I'm 59 and my wife is 49, we have been together for 15 yrs and married for 8. We get along fine and her youth has brought energy into my life, The only problem that I find is that I have been retired for 3 yrs. and she has another 12 yrs. to go. I go to Florida for the winter while she stays up here in the freezing New England and I feel guilty about that but she understands my dream was to retire in Florida for the winter months.

I really dont want to sound negative as lots of people have very different situations and this man could be truly the love of your life ,,,,but something tells me that you are already having doubts and if this is the case be very very careful. Yes relationships with age differences can work but the love for each other has got to be strong enough to stop the differences between you pulling you apart.If you know you love him then go for it but any doubt say away. I wish i had someone to give me this advice when i was 18 and dated a man 14 years older...he is my husband and sometimes i wish i had enjoyed my youth just a little bit longer xxx

All adults are the same age.<br />
<br />
He has valid concerns about his health and "fitness". At first it will be no problem but in 15 or 20 years when you are 35 or 40 he will be 65 or 70. <br />
Still, love is love and there are never any quarentees. Even 5 years of very good is worth it.

for annalae, I am also in the same boat as you, 30 yr age difference & he is married. how do you deal with the guilt of being with a married man? the temptation is so irresistible & you know you shouldnt, but you love him so much, how do you deal with this<br />
<br />
-Rosemary

CS: you are right I haven't updated lately. <br />
<br />
Unfortunately one of his daughters passed away suddenly under unfortunate circumstances. We have been in touch on and off since her death but this was clearly not the time for a relationship to begin between the two of us. <br />
<br />
I am giving him time and space and moving on with my life - and I do believe in fate - so if it is meant to be then one day it will work itself out. <br />
<br />
My relationship with him has opened my mind to age and since him have talked to many men that are quite a bit older than me. I have not dated any of them so i can't comment on that aspect of the situation but I can say that I do enjoy their company. <br />
<br />
Thanks again to everybody who has shown interest in this post and contributed to the discussion. <br />
<br />
Always, <br />
<br />
Annalea

very interesting comments. i have to listen to some teasing about my relationship with a 44 year old young lady and i'm 60. never thought the chemistry with someone her age could be so good. fortunately both of us are unmarried.

i think age is just a number. i mean mentally you could be a 6 year old or maybe a 28 year old. don't let age be a factor!!!

Yes I would really think about it and I have been in the same sort of relationship twice, I was engaged to a man that was 20 years older than I, I was 45 and he was 65, he turned out to drink more than I thought at first and became verbally abusive and then I have a gentleman friend that is much older but never had sex with him He's 83 and I'm 47 and he's my dance partner but I think he would like more.

As I hoped and suspected, the next day was fine and I was worrying for nothing. Unlike MaxwellS86, I don't want to kill anybody. I do agree with him on truth and enjoying the rest of your lives together.<br />
<br />
In my situation, our lives are both likely to end in the relatively near future. I'm not rich. I spent all my retirement trying to save my last wife when she got cancer. She knows it, but she loves me, so who cares what anyone else thinks?<br />
<br />
If you're being honest with each other and you really love each other, go for it. It could be that none of our lives will last a lot longer, but why not make the best of it while we're here?

I'll be sincere, i'd call ******** any man that sees a girl that hasn't reached her 20's, even if he's only 5 years older. I think what most call love is just burning meat desire or lust, and know it. <br />
After that age, anyone should fack off if things don't come the way they hoped. Everyone follows some archetipycal goal (Freedom, Peace, Max Pleassure, True Love, Tranquility, Truth, Power, etc), mine is truth....and here there's sthn: When at childhood we first precense a death (funeral or whatever related), someone tells us that he/she is going heaven and we’re all eventualy do so (saving ex<x>pressions). Now, what all of this has to do with you?...simple, WE ARE MORIBUNDS SINCE OUR FIRST BREATH AND WE KNOW IT....not just mortals, is not that we can or might die, is not we’re going to, we are dying, every second on, so why the hell do you all worry about?, good or bad, rich or poor u all will turn to dust soon, so LIVE!!<br />
I’m against many things said here, in fact, I would like killing some of you, but it’s not my decission, n’ as I’m planning to, god had it planned, and the cause and effect or Kharma thing is doing it, WHAT THE HELL HAS AGE TO DO WITH IT? The 50 yr old man has just a little bit more chances to die than the 30’s girl, that’s all what’s going on, unhappy people makes others unhappy, so faked simling marriages has to end, and affairs in their rol of oportunities has to happen. <br />
We’re all prescindible, we’re all exchangable (english is not my first language so please excuse me if I make up some words lol), it’s just we’ve been tought to take life as a serious deal, and guilt as an ally...DON’T!! unless u want to, u’re all free to live and love as u wish, just please, please don’t lie, that’s the only real violent and cruel action.<br />
<br />
Hope it helps, and don't take me that serious. Though I ment what I said, it's just my way n' my thinking, there's no intemption to offend anyone.<br />
<br />
Bye!

Hi i was a ex Excort in Europe and let me tell you can't compare a older man to a younger man in bed NO WAY.I had to prtend to injoy the sex with the older ones.<br />
You think your better in energy and body wow.<br />
I read so far from the older men writing that sex is better for them now,ya you see thats what it boils down to in most cases.<br />
S he write this Angie girl he is everthing i want in a man yes that is true.<br />
A women want a mature man who knows what he wants,has time for her and most of all he is money worried free wealthy.<br />
Yes that takes all the problems away.<br />
You love him cause he will provide for you.<br />
I bet if he was dirt poor you'de love as much hmmmmmmm let's think about this.<br />
Mind you i don't see anything wrong with seeing a older man.<br />
But i would be embarresed to bring him home to see my father,,what would my father think.

I've been talking with a 25 year old woman with 3 kids for the last 2 years. I never regretted it until tonight. I might not regret it tomorrow. <br />
<br />
I did well with a woman who was 10 1/2 years older than I. We were married for 15 years until she died of cancer.<br />
<br />
I think it's probably harder on the older person because the younger person isn't really quite stable yet, but I do know it can work.

I've been talking with a 25 year old woman with 3 kids for the last 2 years. I never regretted it until tonight. I might not regret it tomorrow. <br />
<br />
I did well with a woman who was 10 1/2 years older than I. We were married for 15 years until she died of cancer.<br />
<br />
I think it's probably harder on the older person because the younger person isn't really quite stable yet, but I do know it can work.

The fact that he is wealthy is not important to me. <br />
I am able to support myself, thank you.

I know in my area there are a lot of online dating sites and there are a few free ones if you want to just give that a try. I would rather meet somebody in person; but I understand that it is hard for older men to go up to younger girls. I actually have met two men on EP who live extremely close to me and I am sure that one day we will meet! <br />
<br />
I would just say keep your eyes open and be receptive. That is always in my opinion, the best way to find what you are looking for. <br />
<br />
If you want to talk feel free to add me and send me a PM<br />
<br />
~ Annalea.

I'm 46,single and have been frustrated with women my age. I have been seriously thinking about a younger woman,like 15 or 20 years younger. I have no idea of how to find a woman interested in older guys. Any suggestions? Are there dating sites for younger women looking for older guys?

The largest age difference between a man and myself was 39 years. I am currently in a relationship with only seven years difference and I am starting to feel the pull again for the excitement of being with an older man. For some women, I think it might just be right, who knows why. All I can say is, don't worry so much about him getting sick or dealing with "elderly" things while in the throws of your passionate relationship. Vibrant youth and being in love has a way of preserving people. ;)<br />
<br />
However, as strange as it may sound, there is nothing shameful about lending power to that notion of "forbidden". It is extremely...well... powerful and, as much as this man sounds like a well rounded package (so to speak), this very unconventional special circumstance is often what lights the spark of attraction. Don't figure it out, would be my advice. Stay on the fence. <br />
<br />
It's sexier that way.

annalea, only you can decide if it is right for you or it isn't... and in life, we usually have to try such things to know for sure.<br />
<br />
i got divorced several years ago and stayed alone for a long time. then, I met a beautiful wonderful young lady who happened to be a few years younger than my youngest daughter. this girl acted very much so a very mature woman rather than a typical girl of her age [no offense to any of you young ladies].<br />
<br />
we started to have differences that came to light little by little. the young girl started coming out more and more, becoming less and less the mature woman she portrayed herself to be. she divulged that she wanted kids of her own. adoption wasn't an option in her book. she was afraid that when she was 40, i'd be old a frail and unable to keep up with her in life and would eventually die, leaving her alone at still such a young age. i was older than both her mother and her father... and more.<br />
<br />
in addition to that, i became "sh*t" with my daughters, most of my family and some of my friends due to the age difference and she being younger than my youngest daughter.<br />
<br />
none of this is to say it can't work and it can't be right. it's all in how the two of you are together. i think people should keep their own opinion and judgments to themselves and not tell others who they should love and be with.<br />
<br />
but! i do say that in such cases, while being open-minded and willing to give it a try, go into it with your eyes open. watch for signs of trouble, discontent, etc. try to nip them in the bud before they become an issue. slightly more so than you should when getting into any new relationship as age gaps have their own set of issues that need to be worked out.<br />
<br />
good luck to all!

When I Was about 50, a 21 yo girl in the typing pool started to flirt with me. She was totally unaware that at the time I was having a sordid affair with her unmarried mother. It started having complications of note. I ended the affair but had a hard time averting the girl's attentions. Her mother explained that she (the mother) had fallen for me because I reminded her of her deceased husband. Maybe that was the case with the young girl - reminding her of her father. I do'nt know.

I appreciate all of your comments and have been putting a lot of thought into this issue lately. I might update/do another post on this issue to explain what I have figured out on this topic... I just have to get my thoughts in order first.

I am six years older than my husband...age doesn't matter. So long as we're dealing with legal adults here, and I think we are, age is what you feel.

there were 21 years between my mum and dad, and that was NEVER a problem...you know, apart from people thinking dad was granddad. But the age difference became apparent when he was diagnosed with Divaticulitis at 59, and hadd to slow down, while my mum, only 38, was still full of beans. I was 11 at the time.

Don't do it, because you might think that he will always stay the same way as he is now. The truth is that after fifty-sixty people start to age rapidly and are lousing the interests they once had. Their sexuality also declines. Twenty years from now you will still be a young woman, because the forties are the new thirties now and he will be seventy and over the hill, so you will be there to take care of all his needs, to put up with his aches and pains. I think you are attracted to all of his possessions and achievements rather then him. He is a dirty old man and has taken advantage of your infatuation with him being all that.<br />
I am telling you this from experience. My daughter married a man 27 years older then her and they have four children. He is older than me and her father. He is nice and all that, but he should be retiring now, rather than bringing up more children and is now impotent, my daughter is only 39 and she have to live with out sex. She now realizes that she made a mistake, and the children are ashamed that they father is so old.

Hi Annalea, I am 70 and my wife (2nd wife) is 43, we have been married for 5 years this August and my daughter from my first marriage is 29 she gets on very well with my wife fortunately. when we met we had the added problem she is black south african and I am white british but that has not been a problem except with a couple of afrikaaners while we were in SA.<br />
<br />
regarding any later sex problems I suffer from erectile disfunction and have to have an injection into the base of my penis to get an erection, she has learned how to do this for me, so the answer is if there is true love in the relationship it will overcome any difficulties.

I think itś great and I'm happy for you. Since you are very young I dont think you would be wasting your time, you have enough time to date him and get to know him better and see what follows from there. If you guys were to get really serious I dont think that sex would be a problem, there are a lot of ways to please each other, that is if the attraction is still there. And if you ever end up getting married and want kids, well since you say he's wealthy I dont think that would be a problem either, theres always artificial insemination, freezing his *****, adoption, etc. I think you should give yourself the chance to be happy, maybe he's the love of your life, if it doesn't work out you can always break up and remain friends.

Oh.. I never answered your question...In a full blown relationship... 10 years younger and 10 years older... have been my limits.

Thank you all for your comments and experiences on this matter, the response to this post was way more than I expected. All of your comments mean a lot to me :)

Hi I am a 30 year old mother of 3 boys ages 14, 9 & 8 and I'm dating a man that is 26 years older than me. He and I are both divoriced but I am 3 months older than his youngest child and he is 4 years older than my parents. Problems No he gets along with my family just fine. As for his daughters they have their own families and they will deal, however I do hang out with him and his son. His father and sister love me to death and think we're perfect together. I believe that he is the man of my dreams for what ever reason he has he treats me like a queen. We are both very busy he's a business man and me a single mom going to school we always make time for each other and that means everything to me. We don't talk about having kids because neither of us can and we both have 3 each. We get together and have fun enjoying eachothers company. We always laugh with eachother and joke. I have learned that the most important thing in a relationship is RESPECT. If you don't have that you can't have love and trust. This man has awlays respected me and we were friends for 5 years before we decided to date. He tells me everyday how much I mean to him and I fall more in love with him everyday and I didn't know that was possible. We bring out the best in eachother and help eachother to be the people we always wanted to be. No it's not perfact but nothing ever is. We never fight about anything and always enjoy being toghther even if were doing nothing. I don't ever want to hurt him and I know he'd never hurt me. Yes his age scares me because I don't want to live without him because he inspires me, but if that happens I understand it's part of life and he says he will make sure I'm ok should something happen to him. I trust and believe in him with all my heart. Live is short enjoy the people you love everyday and tell them how much you love them.

Greetings,<br />
I think that you do well to think about it now. I was always in similar situations and the only food for thought that I will offer... is this:<br />
After a few years of being married, both of you might (just might) get used to each other and while you will still love each other, you might not want to be with each other as often. At this point I would guess that your favorite ways of spending time might differ. You may like clubs or museums and he may like all of those quiet evenings at home. He may want to spend holidays with his family, you may want to go on a skying trip with family or friends etc... (you get my point).<br />
Also, he is more established career wise (makes sense, he is older).<br />
In my case, this resulted in the man trying to always correct my little and large (read: butting into my work) inefficiencies (I also got married at 20). By the time this extended to how I place a book on a table... I went crazy. Now, I am crazy and I want it to end, but I still love him and feel guilty, and now he feels that being older he will not find anyone.. So I am still around.<br />
In the end: Yes, it might fall apart. But think of how wonderful it is the time that you actually have together ;)<br />
If you think THAT is worth it, then why ask anything else? If that is what you want now, then go for it. You are still young to be able to risk this (if you really want to rationalize).<br />
good luck

i certainly wish you well and applaud you for your zest for life. i have always enjoyed the company of younger women as well primarily due to their zest and zeal for life and their sexual desire. most of the women my age (55 year old male) seems to have lost most of their sexual desire and zest for doing things outside and their sense of adventure.

I m the happiest guy alive. i'm in a relationship with a girl exactly half of my age, she is a beautiful 28 years old with an amazing body and incredible mind. we live together for over 2 months and everything seems to be perfect. 6 months ago I divorce my wife and 5 days after I found her. she was like have an injection of youth, mental and physical and she wake up on me many feeling and sensations sleeping inside me for long,long time. sex is incredible, after have sex once or twice a month with my ex wife, now is twice or more each day and I feel 30 years younger. she feels happy, comfortable and secure with me and everything is great. annelea give a try, the worst thing can happens is a wonderful time and if you don't try you'll never know

Hi i am male age 46 and have been in a relationship with a beautiful woman 13 years younger than myself, we have one step son, hers form a previous relationship and we have a soon to be 11 year old daughter, unfortunately our relationship has just about run its course, but our ages were never an issue and never caused us any problems at all, we have both kept very fit with sports and training and i think that has helped us balance out the age difference, she is now 33 and at an age where she is wondering where her life is heading and wants change, my problem now is women of my own age do not seem attractive at all, i have been spoilt by her beauty and youth.<br />
<br />
So in conclusion I would say if it feels right then you owe it to yourselves to give it a try, nothing ventured nothing gained attitude. good luck and i wish you both well in your future together :)

As an observation. <br />
<br />
We all have soul mates in our life. NOT just one. There are many. Some pass our way for a brief moment in time doing something for us at times without our knowing that anything was done for us. Other times we meet people who our lives get involved on a more that casual level and those in between.<br />
<br />
Are some to be enjoyed and others not? Only by limited standards. Life is meant to be enjoyed. And as things come our way if you will look inside you, you may find you were wondering about something to this effect all along. <br />
<br />
Therefore, by your own thoughts is this person, place, or thing is in front of you and you question what to do? For lack of a better term, enjoy the toy. Enjoy this time and experience you will get from this encounter with anyone you enjoy their company.<br />
<br />
Wasting time questioning it is for not. Enjoy it while it is here as it may be gone tomorrow and you will have missed out all together. The bottom line is if you two whoever you are , are still together 1 year or two years or three years or more, that is how long it was suppose to last.<br />
<br />
Of course you will or would miss them. This is why people either get mad or sad when that person goes (die or leave) because it is the FEELING they helped them to have that they miss more than the person themselves.<br />
<br />
Think back on a relation with anyone you have had. It is the feeling you remember more so than the person. When you feel a click with someone it is the fact that you get a feeling of bliss with this person is more than the person that you just kinda know. When you click you click and age and other relationships has nothing to do with it and never will.<br />
<br />
Your feelings don't go, just a second and let me see if I feel anyone else around. No, it doesn't work like that. At times it is a lust thing, and even that is a click thing. Chemistry if you prefer.<br />
What does Love have to do with it? Very little. You are drawn to this other person almost at point in time. Love may or could develop. One never knows do one?<br />
<br />
Before dissecting all your thoughts, try looking at the simple experience you both want. Leave marriage on the porch, as we have all seen there is few working really well only because in time people grow in different directions and no longer click. That simple when you look at the bare basics. <br />
<br />
If what I am saying is not true, then why does it have such a familiar ring to it. Just an observation.<br />
<br />
Just go and enjoy!!

annalea: As a sexologist I'm all into "just being" :-) Good luck to you.

Michael: That sounds like a lot of fun! It is great that you guys have a passion to connect over! Performing can be quite a rush, but you would know more about that than I would! As for my relationships; I am pretty sure I am doomed. I am sure that okay2345 is spot-on when he suggests I stop understand just "be"... i've always been horrible at simply "being"... I'll have to give it a shot :) <br />
<br />
okay2345: again your words are touching, I am so happy you have taken some interest in me :)

It is all too complex in many ways... things sometimes just happen... and we attempt to use reason and passion to find our way. But there is no certainty in terms of anything.... especially with matters of the heart. Sometimes it is unfair to all involved to try to understand and not just be.

" I was not implying to zap back and forth".<br />
<br />
I didn't read you that way and thus didn't mean to correct you - just elaborated on the viewpoint.<br />
<br />
And thanks for your best wishes - today Louise and I are going to an audition in a town near Copenhagen; saturday in Copenhagen. None of us are professional actors; but at least I have have performed on stage hundreds of times with my own material.<br />
<br />
Life IS an adventure, I love it.<br />
<br />
Came to think of: How are your relationship(s)?

michael: I was not implying to zap back and forth between relationships; that would be absurd. I was simply stating that there is a good and bad to both sides. :) <br />
<br />
Best of luck to you and Louise!

annelea: I acknowledge your viewpoints on stable/unstable.. and fortunately (I think) we don't need to zap between relations all the time to fullfill our needs for stable/rigid and unstable/flexible personalities. Often it appears to me that people, for instance those acclaimed "creative, wild, caotic", contains both sides.<br />
<br />
As goes for my lovely creative companion Louise, 20. She has been to my home several times and we have performed rather intimately together on stage, too - though she is not my partner, we don't have sex. What I really like is, that I can express my fascination of her directly, no ****, also about the way she draws me sexually (she is intelligent, creative and b.e.a.u.t.i.f.u.l, we have a lot in common, so what do you expect :-).<br />
<br />
You are absolutely right, in some ways the 49-20 gap don't mean a thing - it does not even mean much physically, as I have good genes and furthermore have taken good care of my body all my life. And being 20 does not mean that you have to stand back for anyone - I mean, Einstein was 19 when he presented his theory of relativity. Fresh young brains can produce remarkable results.<br />
<br />
On the other hand, if for instance she wants to have kids at some point in her life - and I think she does want to - to be realistic I will be a very old father. As a matter of fact I already have 3 boys aged 20, 18 and with my ex. My relations to my boys are the mosty important in my life. And the cooperation with my ex is okay.<br />
<br />
But, you know.. I love Louise and the things we do together, how could I not? And no one knows what will happen next.<br />
<br />
Anyway it's an adventure!

michaelzittergong: I think that most relationships work better when the couple shares common interest's; for the most part. And as far as being "less-stable": I think that for people who are unstable sometimes it makes more sense for them to be with somebody who is stable (to balance them out) but other times it's better for them to be with somebody unstable because they have that sense of understanding.. but that is a completely different topic which doesn't have much to do with age either. <br />
<br />
As far as asking if you are old... Well age is comparative... it also depends at what stage you are at in your life. I think it wouldn't hurt just asking her out for coffee and seeing where thing's go... If the chemistry is there than figure out what SHE thinks of your age and go from there.

I'm 49 and the latest 5-6 years I've had relationships to a couple of women about 15 years younger than myself. I have experienced that it works very well with common interests of the creative sort - except tha a lot of creative types are less stble than "normal" people (who IS normal, after all? :-)<br />
<br />
Currently I'm working together with a lovely girl who just turned 20. She´s bright and playful and we produce lyrics and music and perform on stage together once in a while. She's very attractive and I certainly do tell her so. Am I an old , then? She's not exactly naive, I tell you.<br />
<br />
What do you guys think about it?

My 2 cents..:-) I would take it as a simple relationship.... like many relationships where you know there is real possibility it will end and you will possibly feel sad. But now is the time for you to do this.... Enjoy it from day to day. Don't worry about where it goes. You still have time to not yet be worried about the future.

I envy you having the divorce thing out the way! 'My guy' is suppose to be telling his wife that he 'can't do this anymore' (meaning their relationship) this thurs at the psychologist they are going to see together - should be interesting...They have been married 30 something years and been having probs on and off since last year.<br />
<br />
Does his wife know about you? If so,is she ok with you? (As my guy's wife will probably try and kill me! but anyway...) Nice to hear of someone in a sort of similiar situation! :)<br />
<br />
I'd say if it FEELS right,go for it! Hell,you only live once! Could be the best relationship of your life!<br />
If you don't do it,you will probably spend the rest of your life wondering "What if" (and that sux!)<br />
<br />
Perhaps you could adopt a child,if that becomes an issue?? If he can 'no longer have children' because of a vasectomy,well I think that can sometimes be reversed - So have faith and give it a go! IF you are sure that this is what you really want - make sure you are there in the relationship for the 'right reasons'

He has been separated from his wife since last October and they are putting finishing touches on their divorce right now. <br />
<br />
We have discussed children, and that is another issue for me. He can no longer have children and that is something that could turn into a problem for me if our relationship turns into something serious.

Interesting...I'm 29 and seeing a married 51 year old at the moment (I met him where I use to work as he worked there too) Stuffed up my relationship with my fiance at the time who (realistically) I probably would of been better off with as he's in his early 30's,still...I could not resist flirting with this guy! Was it worth it? I don't know... <br />
<br />
Have you guys discussed children? As that was a biggie with us - mainly because of his age,not because he does not like the idea. (he already has a 19 yr old daughter) He's not saying yes or no to the idea,basically just have to see where things go... We have been seeing each other, on and off,for about a year now and have slept together numerous times - It IS awkward sometimes - Especially as he's married and I'm in a small country town. Is 'your guy' married?? I feel guilty sometimes...<br />
<br />
I have never done this sort of thing before - To be honest,never thought I would be! <br />
Have mixed feelings about everything sometimes! Miss my ex sometimes and wish things were different between us - but I feel that I should,at least,give this a try! (Cost me my last serious relationship after all!)<br />
<br />
Eerie reading your story actually as we had much the same type of conversations! <br />
Ended up leaving his wife for two months but went back to 'clear up things' <br />
We are still in touch everyday and he sees me everyday - Hope to be 'together' properly this time by the end of the year!

I've witnessed a couple with 30 years between them ,discover each other,have a few good years together and then when his failing health came into the picture...it got sad...and a little ugly.<br />
It's made me think twice about the reality of May-September relationships.

Well I have finally found my soulmate which is my bff and bf right now and I am not much older for once, I use to date a lot of older men and women not for me, my bf and soul mate is 24 I am 26, not much age difference but we are made for each other!

When the chemistry is there, there is no denying it!