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30 Years.

I have always been attracted to older men, I enjoy the stability and that maturity level along with many other perks.  I am 20 years old and until a couple weeks ago the biggest age difference I had in a relationship was with a man who was 34; and that relationship did not go very far for many reasons.  

About 10 days ago I met a man who is fifty year's old and we just had a bit of a connection; at the time because of the age difference we where strictly friends and we both where under the assumption that that was as far as it could ever go.  I mean, his youngest child is older than me, and he is older than my mother and only a few years shy of my father.  

Either way, the connection between us was undeniable so we started talking and getting to know each other.  He is extremely successful, intelligent, passionate, wealthy and dedicated.  He is a driven human being who's life is set for him so now he is dedicating his time to helping disabled children in the school system - he recently just finished writing a novel the subject.  This man is everything I am looking for in a human being and More - but the fact of the matter is that he is 30 years older than me.  

I am the one who first brought up sex - not in a suggestive matter - but in a silly way when I admittedly was flirting with him. The conversation kept growing and it was clear that our sexually chemistry was connecting as well.  

We both realize that it has only been 10 days since we started talking but thing's just seem to keep progressing so quickly.  He is leaving for San Diego for the week on business and I am finishing up exams so we decided to take some time to just think about things and decide what exactly is going on here.  He asked me if realistically i would ever be able to introduce him to my family and friends as his partner; and I asked him the same about me as far as his children and family go.  We both know that we are not close to that stage of a "relationship" but it's something that we need to think about before we do anything that we might regret.  

My feeling's for this man are growing quickly and it sounds like his feelings for me are growing fast too.  He feel's like it's unfair to me because he doesn't want to get to a point where he won't be able to satisfy me; or he is worried that he will get ill.  I told him that these things could just as easily happen to me in my 20's.  

 

I feel like I am jumping the gun writing this entry because the truth is it has been 10 day's... but this is all that is on my mind lately.  I always take my relationships slow and give them time to grow but this situations requires some thought before we get our feet wet.  Any words of wisdom or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.  

 

-annalea. 

UPDATE: Ok - i wrote this entry a long time ago - and I still seem to be getting comments on it - So I thought I would update. Nothing ended up happening between this man and I. His daughter suddenly passed away and he obviously did not take that very well. He had a lot to deal with - his family, other children, himself.... He still wanted to persue a relationship but after every that happened the timing just wasn't right. And that is life. Since this post I have met - and enjoyed the company of a few more mature - men. I have not started any serious relationships with any of them - but I have learned that age is just a number. I do not choose my friends nor my lovers based on anything other then the quality of their heart.

annalea annalea 22-25, F 68 Responses Apr 19, 2010

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I love this post and I'm sorry it didn't work out I know it's a bit cliche but age to me is really just a number I met a woman on a dating site she was 45 years old I was 18 at first we both decided it was just sex but we had this amazing bond two days after what was an amazing night I couldn't stop thinking of her valentines day was a week away so I decided I was going to ask her out to my surprise she said yes and that night was one of the best of my life it was perfect restaurant on the water front lobster laughs we fell in love that night assured that however as our love grew the hate that both of us received from her daughter who was 23 grew and 6 months into the relationship she left cause of her daughter we still chat sparingly shes with a guy her own age now but I will always love her and Im glad she's happy

Oh so 26 years

I am 40 and went on a "first date" with a friend of 15 years. He is 67. Let's just say the date lasted 22 hours. I had the time of my life, and I am pretty sure that he did too.

I am 74 and i have a girl friend who is 31 and we have been going together for 7 years she has met my children and grandchildren and they all like each other, What you cant do with older people is take it slowly time could run out and by the way the sex is fantastic

Wise young woman. Fifty these days is much younger than it was just a few decades ago. When a person takes proper care of their body, middle age can look amazing.

Like yourself :-P

My ex was 12 years older to me. This will roll on and one...so let the comments keep coming in please.

I think large age gap dating has many advantages for both parties involved. Such a shame that society at large has such a negative view of it...especially the American culture. Wonder if we will ever move beyond our Puritan roots? Surely not in my lifetime. But I do hope to one day enjoy a meaningful relationship with a much younger woman.

I got to this page because I may be getting into a similar situation with a work colleague.. She is over 30 years younger than I. I don't yet no if she's just playing or flirting but she started the whole thing off. I would have thought it out of the question. I know I should stop but I am having feelings that I thought I would never have again. And yes I do feel flattered by a beautiful young woman's attention. Even if it is just a game it's been fun anyway and I'll try not to be too hurt.

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well annalea..its so lovely for you to share such lovely thoughts! im completely amazed tht many ppl in the world still understd love and true meaning of soul! wht got me most was "I do not choose my friends nor my lovers ba<x>sed on anything other then the quality of their heart."♥♥♥leisa

11 years. I was 21 she was 32. We got married, had a beautiful daughter. 15 years later she died. I still miss her.

I just married my best friend, who is 64. I am 31. We dated when I divorced my child's father, when I was 22 and he was in his fifties. At that time, we lived together and said we were "roommates". I was too scared to tell my family and most friends. Also, he has a disability caused from the war in Vietnam, so there is that also. Anyway, after being together in my early 20's for 2.5 years, he told me I should "see the world, go to college, date younger men than him." I was devastated, but what could I do? He is the only ex I've ever remained friends with and he's been the best friend I've ever had. After living with him, we were never intimate again, as I was dating (many) other men. I also obtained several college degrees. This January 2012, after a terrible break-up from an abusive boyfriend, I asked him if I could stay at his home for awhile, and give him money to build a little cabin on his property. Well, totally out of the blue, he asked me to marry him. He told me if we married, my child and I would get great healthcare, free education, and I'd receive his pension and disability when he passes. This is because he's a disabled veteran. He told me he's always loved me and is tired of seeing me abused by men. He said he knew I needed to "sow my wild oats" and now, if we married, it was, for him, about my long-term security, and not about sex. Nonetheless, since we married in February 2012, we've decided to resume the relationship we ended in 2005. All of this time, he's been the keeper of my most secret secrets, a shoulder to lean on, and even my childcare provider and a father figure for my child. I love him, he loves me and my daughter is so happy we are married. I would consider having a child with him, in fact. I'm still attending college which he totally supports. All the other boyfriends I had were intimidated by me attending college. This just goes to show the difference in maturity in younger/older men. We live in a small town and I know people say things, but I no longer care. We are happy together. People are just jealous! I feel safe, secure, loved and cherished, and I enjoy that he's not pawing at me like a young man. I don't want sex as much as I used to and, in fact, it's not all that important to me now, although I would miss it if it was only once a season or something. I'm happy he gave me the chance to, basically, "grow up" for the past several years, though. People change a lot in 5-10 years; it really did make a difference. The marriage came totally out of the blue. If I decide to have a child with him, they will retain full Government healthcare, a 4-year college education and more so, even if he was to die when a child was young (and that can happen to young people or couples split up, or children abandoned by their fathers, like my ex-husband did), his child would be far better set up than most children across the world. The child would also know they were wanted and no an "accident". I believe, when life gives you chances, sometimes they only come once. Do what your heart (and brain) desire...

For me, it was 10 years... I am 29 this year and she's 19, and even though it's done now (living in different countries), we last 4 years, she was 15 when we started, and I had the confidence of her parents and rest of the family :)

I love hearing about other couples that have a big age difference, there is 21 years between my boyfriend and myself. and we have been together for 5 wonderful years, have a beautiful 20 month old daughter together (he also has a 20 year old son and I have a 8 year old daughter from other relationships) and are looking into having an elopement in the next couple of years, Age is nothing but number. If your lucky enough to find someone who truely takes your breath away, hang on to it for dear life. Some people will never get that experience.. Just sayyin <3

When I was 18 (in college) I "dated" my 60-year-old professor. It was fun!

When I was 18 (in college) I "dated" my 60-year-old professor. It was fun!

Hi Annalea, I am a guy and in my early twenties started to date a series of women ranging from late 30s to mid 50s.......I did settle for 5 years with a woman who was 20 years older than me and had 2 teenage children.....we got on fine and both had a good relationship which was broken only by my job taking me far away and she wamted to/needed to stay where she was. (she started a relationship with a guy younger than me as soon as we split?) The woman I lived with did not want any more children, (I already had a daughter from a short marriage when I was 19) I do and did have relationships with women my own age, and as I progressed in age it seemed that younger women wamted to date me, indeed when I was 30, I had a sweet 17 year old who really was in love/infatuated with me and she just would not give up, I told her to come back when she was 21!!! (she did) but there were just too many family/educational differences between us. (she eventually married a guy from her own background and had 2 children) In my opinion age does not matter, but who a person is does. I hope you will not take this badly, but do think, if your guy was nearer to your age and you had married and had children then his daughter from an older relationship had died....would you expect him to break up your family/relationship because of grief??? a person who engages in relationships needs to be strong, the wold can be a cruel place but your immediate relationship and children come first. So age was not a factor in your breakup, his strength of character was and this can be true of a guy in his 20s. My last relationship with a much younger girl (I,m early 40s) was with an American girl who was visiting relatives in England for several months she was 20 years younger than me and she intiated the relationship (I gave her a ride home, she had twisted her ankle whilst walking in the English countryside, she was also some 4 inches taller than me, very tall girl, so she was neither ageist or heightist???? I have no idea whether she was being nice, but she told me that she had never had an older guy before and the sex was fantastic and she would try more older guys when she got home......she would have loved to stay but education comittments etc at home were calling.....I do believe we could have married and had children, we talked of it in those few months. Well thats my addition to all this, there are views from all sides, but I am always pleased to see girls who are not ageist, it is the person inside that counts....if the age is great you can have a good relationship for years but so long as you both know it must end sometime you can enjoy while it lasts. I also believe that many young girls have a terrible introduction to sex 'with a spotty fumbling youth in the back of an old car'???? those that have had a much nicer intro with older men tend to remember it and demand better of their later passions, which is good for them and teaches less experienced guys that they must work harder at making it good for the girl and not just be selfish.

I'm 20 and i'm engaged to someone 9 years older then me I don't see the problem with the age differences.

It is kind of an observation of mine that there is a small number of women scattered through the majority that really truly are by nature lovers of older men. I say thank God for them.<br />
I am not for the young woman being a home wrecker, destroying marriages simply going for what she wants. One should be strong if the other is weak. Don't do those things that deep down you know aren't right no matter how much you ignore your friends.<br />
Myself I have a career that I could never rationalize burdening a family situation with. It is my work and I am good enough at it, but be a family man with it? Never. Not enough stability. I was also not good parent material being short on patience, rebellious in nature, and generally all around immature. I struggled to be employable at steady jobs. The construction field was perfect for me.<br />
Now at the end of a long and varied career, I am able to hold a steady job, am still learning lessons in patience that bring me right to my knees sometimes, am rebellious in a choose your battles sort of way, and generally all around more mature. <br />
It is a kind of look around and pinch myself to see if it is all real. I am on the other end about to retire, healthy with a battered but well shaped body and thinking of finally being able to rationally live the dream of having family, my own family, not the wreckage of other peoples families. Rationally except the age difference. This is America and its present culture basically rates an older man with a much younger woman as nearly perverted. This of course is absurd. It is a cultural norm now that is all. A mind thing, just like paper money is a mind thing. We believe it and therefore it is. <br />
A younger woman can if she loves and desires her older man can keep him working just fine for a very long time if he wants that. She may have to get used to longer sessions of total sexual contact with a lot more foreplay for her man while she is getting her extended foreplay and first ******. She may have to enjoy keeping higher quality food in the refridgerator .... lots of differences of lifestyle really but bottom line-- no matter how old she gets she is his young gorgeous beautiful princess that he loves with all his heart.

Interesting story :)<br />
<br />
I'm 20 yrz old and I have been in a relationship w/my boyfriend for a year now.<br />
<br />
he is 49 .. he will be 50 this year.. a 30 year age gap *hehe<br />
we are best friends and know eachother inside and out. We do have our bad times but every relationship is a wild rollercoaster ride.<br />
<br />
I'm from sf so im pretty color blind when it comes to race (just wanna throw that in)<br />
<br />
Im black and he's white. Because of the age diff we have totally different backrounds.. i mean. he owned a busineess by 17yo and was married by 16 lol.. and as for me.. from the bay, raised in the hood. graduated high school in 2008. I'm not ghetto at all but my family can go there and bringing him to my family would be pure entertainmnt to me. but a year has passed and only some family members have came to our apartment to visit me and see how im living with this man. <br />
<br />
( they think im like smoking crystal meth full speed ahead not getting anywhere in life. Prostituting and living the fast life)<br />
<br />
little did they know (as for the visitors) i was being spoiled rotton and my boyfriend was "helllla coo" as they put it.. they cant wait to visit me again ;)<br />
<br />
ok i drifted off ... <br />
<br />
i thinnk Sprin-autumn relationships are cool. You can learn and teach so much <3<br />
<br />
-Natasha

I'm 59 and my wife is 49, we have been together for 15 yrs and married for 8. We get along fine and her youth has brought energy into my life, The only problem that I find is that I have been retired for 3 yrs. and she has another 12 yrs. to go. I go to Florida for the winter while she stays up here in the freezing New England and I feel guilty about that but she understands my dream was to retire in Florida for the winter months.

I really dont want to sound negative as lots of people have very different situations and this man could be truly the love of your life ,,,,but something tells me that you are already having doubts and if this is the case be very very careful. Yes relationships with age differences can work but the love for each other has got to be strong enough to stop the differences between you pulling you apart.If you know you love him then go for it but any doubt say away. I wish i had someone to give me this advice when i was 18 and dated a man 14 years older...he is my husband and sometimes i wish i had enjoyed my youth just a little bit longer xxx

All adults are the same age.<br />
<br />
He has valid concerns about his health and "fitness". At first it will be no problem but in 15 or 20 years when you are 35 or 40 he will be 65 or 70. <br />
Still, love is love and there are never any quarentees. Even 5 years of very good is worth it.

for annalae, I am also in the same boat as you, 30 yr age difference & he is married. how do you deal with the guilt of being with a married man? the temptation is so irresistible & you know you shouldnt, but you love him so much, how do you deal with this<br />
<br />
-Rosemary

CS: you are right I haven't updated lately. <br />
<br />
Unfortunately one of his daughters passed away suddenly under unfortunate circumstances. We have been in touch on and off since her death but this was clearly not the time for a relationship to begin between the two of us. <br />
<br />
I am giving him time and space and moving on with my life - and I do believe in fate - so if it is meant to be then one day it will work itself out. <br />
<br />
My relationship with him has opened my mind to age and since him have talked to many men that are quite a bit older than me. I have not dated any of them so i can't comment on that aspect of the situation but I can say that I do enjoy their company. <br />
<br />
Thanks again to everybody who has shown interest in this post and contributed to the discussion. <br />
<br />
Always, <br />
<br />
Annalea

very interesting comments. i have to listen to some teasing about my relationship with a 44 year old young lady and i'm 60. never thought the chemistry with someone her age could be so good. fortunately both of us are unmarried.

well i have always dated guys older then me <br />
im currently talking to a guy that is about to turn 21 and im 17 <br />
sooo yeah lol

i think age is just a number. i mean mentally you could be a 6 year old or maybe a 28 year old. don't let age be a factor!!!

Yes I would really think about it and I have been in the same sort of relationship twice, I was engaged to a man that was 20 years older than I, I was 45 and he was 65, he turned out to drink more than I thought at first and became verbally abusive and then I have a gentleman friend that is much older but never had sex with him He's 83 and I'm 47 and he's my dance partner but I think he would like more.

As I hoped and suspected, the next day was fine and I was worrying for nothing. Unlike MaxwellS86, I don't want to kill anybody. I do agree with him on truth and enjoying the rest of your lives together.<br />
<br />
In my situation, our lives are both likely to end in the relatively near future. I'm not rich. I spent all my retirement trying to save my last wife when she got cancer. She knows it, but she loves me, so who cares what anyone else thinks?<br />
<br />
If you're being honest with each other and you really love each other, go for it. It could be that none of our lives will last a lot longer, but why not make the best of it while we're here?

I'll be sincere, i'd call ******** any man that sees a girl that hasn't reached her 20's, even if he's only 5 years older. I think what most call love is just burning meat desire or lust, and know it. <br />
After that age, anyone should fack off if things don't come the way they hoped. Everyone follows some archetipycal goal (Freedom, Peace, Max Pleassure, True Love, Tranquility, Truth, Power, etc), mine is truth....and here there's sthn: When at childhood we first precense a death (funeral or whatever related), someone tells us that he/she is going heaven and we’re all eventualy do so (saving ex<x>pressions). Now, what all of this has to do with you?...simple, WE ARE MORIBUNDS SINCE OUR FIRST BREATH AND WE KNOW IT....not just mortals, is not that we can or might die, is not we’re going to, we are dying, every second on, so why the hell do you all worry about?, good or bad, rich or poor u all will turn to dust soon, so LIVE!!<br />
I’m against many things said here, in fact, I would like killing some of you, but it’s not my decission, n’ as I’m planning to, god had it planned, and the cause and effect or Kharma thing is doing it, WHAT THE HELL HAS AGE TO DO WITH IT? The 50 yr old man has just a little bit more chances to die than the 30’s girl, that’s all what’s going on, unhappy people makes others unhappy, so faked simling marriages has to end, and affairs in their rol of oportunities has to happen. <br />
We’re all prescindible, we’re all exchangable (english is not my first language so please excuse me if I make up some words lol), it’s just we’ve been tought to take life as a serious deal, and guilt as an ally...DON’T!! unless u want to, u’re all free to live and love as u wish, just please, please don’t lie, that’s the only real violent and cruel action.<br />
<br />
Hope it helps, and don't take me that serious. Though I ment what I said, it's just my way n' my thinking, there's no intemption to offend anyone.<br />
<br />
Bye!