The Cloud Of Confusion

I need to talk.

When I was ten, my mother told me my father wasn't my father. She told me his name, his father's name, and his brother's name too. I forgot that for some years because I didn't know how to relate to that. And when it came back to me it was too late...

I saw a man, named the same way she had told me, who is famous now. But he wasn't when she talked to me about him. He became famous after my mother's death, in 1992. On that day I was with two friends, who recognized him. I started to wonder on that day what that man really wanted. This is how things happened. We were at a bus stop, waiting obviously for a bus, to go to our english test for the a level. That guy was sitting at the bus stop and we were standing some yards away. When he saw me, he suddenly got up and walked straight to me. he wanted to know where the station was, which I found weird because he had no luggage, was peacefully sitting and didn't look for a guy looking for his way, and he was at the opposite way from the station. But I told him how to do to go there. He left but turned round in the crowd and stared at me for several seconds. It was really a weird sensation.

Two months later, I recognized him in a magazine, which is rare because he's not so often in them, but by hazard I recognized him. I asked my friends and they told me indeed it was him, that's why thy were so shocked in the first place. I started to remember I had seen him already several times before. And I saw him after. On my own street where I live now. I've tried to contact him, but never had any answers and since I've contacted him, he hasn't showed up again.

I'm full of questions and wonders. Why my mother would have lied to me about that? Why giving me so many details on him? Why could she have lied about his identity, especially when he was not famous then? I think she must have known him a way or another. Why he doesn't come anymore now I have contacted him? Why make so many miles to see me and not talk to me, except for asking me the way of the station? Why am I so touched and hurt?
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1 Response May 23, 2012

Maybe he just wanted to let you know he knows you exist, and who you are.