The Beginning Of The End

"I dont care what you feel like, youve got to work"

That was after I was rear ended on the highway by a car doing more than 60 mph and I was stopped. My back and neck were really messed up though I di walk away from the accident. My job is very physically demanding and I couldnt take the pain I was experienceing. For a few weeks I had been in and out of the doctors and they wanted me to do some rehab and go on muscle relaxers and pain medication. The ensuing fight brought out a less than sympathetic nature in my wife and that response. All I di was walk away. Right out of the house and very nearly left.

It broke me, whatever problems we had up to that point were eclipsed by the mushroom cloud of that bomb. Gone. My faith, my heart, my will. Replaced by bitterness, depression and the realization that I was a paycheck. The meal ticket. If their were tears that night I dont remember. Certainly Ive had none for her or our marriage since then. Just maintaining what I could for our kids.
Deanze Deanze 41-45, M 50 Responses Jul 17, 2010

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How horrible- to feel that your wife sees your worth was only in your capacity to provide money. Devastating to read. How lonely you must be, in such a situation. Your children must provide you a wonderful comfort to continue is such a marriage. I hope that your back and neck issues have resolved and that you are fully recovered- for your own comfort, not for the wages to provide for your wife.

I am sorry to hear of anyone in such a situation. Protect your emotional self. You do deserve love. I hope you find it somewhere, sometime.

Thank you Dinah. The body is better but still aches. That happened eight years ago and was the beginning of a very bad time in my life. Unfortunately nothings ever changed despite attempts at counseling. Emotionally I think thats when I left and Im to the point where I think I can financially.

I do most truly hope that you find someone who cares about the emotional, the sensitive, and the passionate you. There is a wonderful joy that can suffuse the soul when we are cared about, and I mean truly cared about- not for appearances, not for earning potential, not for money that we already have in the bank, not for the cars we drive, but for who we are. I hope your body continues to heal, and I wish you well in finding someone who treasures you for you.

I realized the first step was finding me so I focused with being content with myself and trying to be positive.

You are correct- without knowing who you are, you have less of a chance to find someone who loves you for you. A very wise step on your part. I hope you have found that place of content within yourself, and that your positive outlook has made your path less difficult.

Good luck in the near future as in your first reply you commented that you may soon be taking action for your legal freedom.

This was one of those rare moments that I griped about something in my marriage here on EP. It was really about sharing that moment and the emotions. I hate being just another guy grumbling about his wife. We all need to went and I dont mind those who do at all. I pay $90 an hour to went so I figure Ill appreciate it more and get as much out as I can.

I let things take their own course. The anger has long since subsided now and I see where our faults are. More importantly I see where we are different.

You are not "just another guy". You are an individual, and you had a pivotal moment in time when a horrible realization was foisted upon you, about how you were viewed by some you cared about, about how you were valued( or not)when you were hurting physically, no less. Those at traumatic- and hard to recount, and really hard to get comfy with. I am sorry if I did not address that in my comments. Your pain at the time is evident, and it was enough to kill your love. I hope that you are moving forward towards a better future.

Like Dory says.....just keep swimming

So true- and after the field of huge jellyfish (Man o'wars?) w/ pain and the unreality of it all, the rest should be easy going......

Lol. Thats a nice analogy to a bad marriage.

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THe way I interpreted it jerrica, she was because I was making all the money. It was one of those things that I feel she didnt think at all how her words would affect me.

that's just lousy. does she even care that you could have been killed?? *shakes head*

Playing Sherlock?

*Pulls out magnifying glass.*

Oh do you now? Errr... how close?

Might need to look close

Sweet... thank you, sire...

Im looking at the pieces. : )

And you just said you love a challenge... *pouts*


*dumps a sack full of puzzle pieces onto Dean's lap*

Just say when...

I love a challange.

*mumbles*... I'm trying... waaahh...

Dammit... *faerie takes vacuum cleaner*

Looks like a gigantic jigsaw puzzle... wanna help...?

The hard parts finding all the pieces. You have to do that before you can glue them together.

How strange when something unexpected becomes the realization of something else... all for a reason, sire...

So... did you find any glue? ...

Th e odd thing about it is I dont think of that as the beginning of the end. It was just at that moment I realized it.

Thank you kuro-unfortunaately I dont think theres been any growth from that day.

*runs to the garage for glue*

it makes me sad to read it.. a wife should never, EVER, say something like that.. i hope things will get better for you..*hugs*

It happens when you least expect it... or perhaps because we choose to ignore the signs... because we already know it will hurt... so the wall helps... feels safe... until it's climbed over... because one feels the need to be on that edge... to take the chance... again... to fall apart or not... well...

Got any super glue?

I dont want you to come apart faerie.

I can be Humpty Dumpty... ??? Faerie likes walls...

I'm not helping, am I?

Thank you very much. All of the comments were along those lines, very supportive and understanding. At the time it happened I didnt realize how deeply it affected me but now, several bitter years down the road, I know that it was the point of no return. Unfortunately all the kings horses and all the kings men have been unsuccessful at reconstructing it, and this king is weary of it all.

Actually, she does treat them similarly. Shes distant to most emotions except anger.

That's just COLD... And selfish... How long has she treated you like this? I would leave if I were in your position, theory being if she treats your emotions that way, could she be treating the kids similarly? You won't always know, I can tell you from experience. My heart really goes out to you... **HUGS**

Thanks bella, im sure she didnt but its the ctions over the years that hurt the worst. Those are the opportunities she had to prove it was a mistake but it never happened. Everything shes done has pretty much reinforced those sentiments.

*hugs the dark faerie and gingerly takes axe away*

Sorry Dean,sometimes people don't think about the words they utter and how it affects others...

*bigs hugs to you*

Aaahhh... hits close to home, sire... too close... *padlocks closet*...

Gave her mother 40 whacks could stop there.

Oi... I had to look her up... *whack*... not only is she a spinster, she's a mass murderer!!! *whack whack whack*...

How about I be one of those Golden Axe characters? Uhmm... too barbaric... or I could just be a Dark Faerie... hmm... this interests me...