I Have More Than Just One But This One Still Hits A Spot With Me.

It was not said to me directly. I found this out through a chat that my sister was having with one of my ex friends who slandered me.  This was years after the slander was made and the damage was already done.


I was having a hard time in my studies a couple of years ago due to depression. I had a breakdown one semester and failed all of my classes except one There was a guidance counseler who told me that no medical school will accept me because I am "too much of a failure." The woman was so cold toward me,blamed and scrutinized me for every single grade that i had. She came off as vicious and obnoxious and she clearly insinuated that she did not want me to get ahead. I don't remember every detail that she said to me because I blocked much of it out but she had no sympathy for me at all and pretty much went out of her way to make me feel like a loser.  I was overwhelmed.

I went home that day soon after and as soon as i came into the house I broke down. I was just shaking uncontrollably. I was so angry and I felt that she had spiritualy assaulted me. I broke into tears, i was crying so much that when my mother came and asked me what was wrong I could not even tell her. I was just consumed between feeling enraged and inferior. I felt helpless, I could not believe that this woman who does not even know me, had projected so much hostility toward me and practically chewed my head off. I eventually told my mom the story when i had calmed down...which i thought took me forever to do. 

My sister hears the story, and around this time she was communicating with my ex friend. She immediately goes on the internet and chatted with her through AIM messenger about my breakdown and failure. My sister was not bright enough to close the conversation with her or delete her chat logs. The chat window was open, and i had went on her computer to play some music. I saw a screen name that had looked familiar to me with the ending number of my ex friend's birthday. I clicked on the window and here i see that my sister and her have been making snyde, snarky comments about my personal business things. Finally there was that sentence that caught my eye and it was said by my ex friend. lenaye (name scrambled to protect my privacy.) said "the universe does not want (my name) to get ahead."  I was in a state of shock and anger. I was already depressed and seeing this statement that she had made about me just made it even worse. I never forgot this. This one has hurt me for a very long time, but now i am going to use this as fuel for myself to rebel against anyone who says that i cannot get ahead in life. I am more spiritual than religious but, Let God be the judge of how far i am allowed to go in life. It's not up to her, or the universe or anyone else.
angelofthenight angelofthenight
22-25, F
4 Responses Jul 24, 2010

All the more reason to do better and prove your worth to people. And the same people will come to you for help in the future. Just remember and keep in mind the story of joseph and his coat of many colours. You mark my words.

People just don't get it. I experience PTSD also. In this last year, I lost everything, home, job and then my boyfriend.<br />
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Whatever is ahead, I am trying to hand it all to God bc it is too much sometimes. I cry daily, and then just pray.<br />
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I appreciate your candid response. Hang in there and Keep in touch.<br />
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God bless <br />
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BEV

Oh I'm glad you are leaving it to God to judge....and believe me when I say, you don't want to p*ss off God.<br />
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Someone did something terrible to me about 10 years ago.... I wanted to get a can of spray paint and graffiti her new car. I prayed and instead left it in God's hands, I knew she was wrong.<br />
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Within a year, she lost her job, boyfriend, a book publishing deal, and her son lost his scholarship to university ( she lived vicarously through him) God really messed up her life and she felt the pain she caused my son and i.<br />
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My little sister ( 44 years old and should know better) told me to "snap out of it" I had just been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder as a result of an attempt on my life by my ex-husband, where the court saw fit to give us a relocation and change of identity . She doesn't realize what a fool she sounds like.

Thanks for sharing your story. I am glad that you are trying to use this to forge ahead.<br />
My worst experience was a comment that a sister (catholic nun) made to me in front of an entire classroom when I was in 9th grade.<br />
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She told me that I would never amount to anything and that she didn't see what good others saw in me. She also said that she would follow me through my entire high school year and if I screwed up, she was going to be there and follow me and that she would be my worst nightmare.<br />
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It was a very terrible experience and left me with a devastated self esteem. So, as you can see, I can relate.<br />
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Anyway, good luck and thanks for sharing.Bev