The Worst Movie(s) Ever Made

 My best friend, Jay and I have lengthy and arbitrary discussions/arguments/catfights over this. Mostly while drinking. What is the worst movie ever made?

It's currently a toss up for us.

"Manos: Hands of Fate" versus "Plan 9 From Outer Space."

When lush logic meets challenge, insufferable stupidity is the end result. We double featured both movies.

 

The Verdict:

The worst movie in the world is…

Zeligocity: "Manos: Hands of Fate"
Jay: "Plan 9 From Outer Space"

The Reasoning:

Zelig: The entire plot, if there even is one, can be summed up in a single sentence. Unfortunately, it's so riddled with plot holes – as well as meaningless driving, ridiculous cinematography, poor costume choices (he's a Satyr? Really? He looks like his mother ******* a hypertrichosis patient, then Chewbacca, and was invariably impregnated by Robin Williams), a random chick/chick fight scene (yes, it really was random), strangely out-of-sync dialogue, and that entire ******* 10 minute scene with the painting – that trying to find even a shred of the essence of "movie-ness" is beyond impossible. Also, "manos" is Spanish for "hands," meaning the true title of the movie is "Hands: Hands of Fate." Bonus shat points are awarded for making it easy to have a drinking game revolving around the usage of the word "Master."

Jay: [insert idiocy here]. (In all honesty, neither he nor I can remember his argument. We were so tanked by the end of the feature that we started watching "Hitman" – and we enjoyed it).

The biggest problem, right at the start, was that we could not find a complete copy of "Manos." Netflix currently only offers the MST:3K version, which has been modified from the original. Certain scenes that were deemed "totally and irrevocably unnecessary" were cut to fit the movie to the hour-and-a-half limit. Being forced to watch Plan 9 in its' entirety is torture enough complete, but "Manos" had to have scenes removed.

My bias is obvious: we watched "Manos" first. Anything that followed would have to be better.

Unfortunately, our arguments are equivalent to one wondering whether "Alien Versus Predator" is shittier than "Freddy Versus Jason;"

whichever wins, we all lose.
 

zeligocity zeligocity
22-25, M
5 Responses Mar 12, 2009

"Plan 9 From Outer Space" is an Edward Wood's movie. Watch Tim Burton's "Ed Wood" with Johnny Depp and you'll understand a lot of that movie.<br />
<br />
I also recommend "Glen or Glenda".

See also: anything written/directed/produced/awkwardly touched by Uwe Boll.

I saw "Plan 9". It was so bad it was like watching **** without the sex.

Don't get me wrong, that was a pretty ******* terrible movie...but "Manos" and "Plan 9" are unwatchable.

I think the worst is "attack of the killer tomatoes" I saw it as a child and evn then thought "What were these people smoking?'