Everybody says there going to do somthing but never do it or make new years resolutions that never come true. This wasnt my new years resolution but it was exactly how i wanted to start of our new year. And when i say our i mean the person i love and me. I have one burden of a secret that is soo bad that it could easily destroy part of my social life. And you lucky readers get to hear what it is lucky you =). Well the truth is, is that im a crossdresser and i've been trying to find out when the best time to tell her would be. I have been droping many hints along the way to make it a little more obvious and lighten the blow of the news a little. It was 3 hours till midnight and we were have a good time but i was freaking out inside and she could tell something was wrong i said nothing im fine but she new better. I finally got her to drop it but some how the subject of lieing came up "not by me" and she asked me face to face if i had ever lied to her before. Before i go on for the people who dont crossdress i have something to teach you about us. We have to lie all the time to keep are secret a secret but we never ever want to lie and it hurts us more and more every time. And it killed me everytime i had to lie to cover up crossdressing to the women i love. Well anyways back to the main part of the story. Well she asked me if i had ever lied to her and i said yes cause i promised my self i wasnt going to do it again. You can imagine she was upset and asked me about what. i told her i have something to tell her but i want it to be at midnight. She asked me why and i told her im just weird and it would make me feel better to wait till midnight. Well needless to say it was the most awkward 3 hours of my life. An i never wanted time to go so fast and so slow at the same time cause i wanted to tell her so she would know but i was still soooo nervous about it. During that time she asked a lot of questions and kept trying to guess what it was and one thing is she ask if i was a drag in which i said no because drags are normally gay men who dress like women but still try to look like a man and crossdressers dress like women and try to look like and copy the flawless persona of women. well anyways she keeps asking questions and finaly she run out of ideas and it is many just awkward silence till midnight. but finally 30 min before midnight she loosens up some and we go online and look up you tube videos till 12 and then we do the count down to new years and have a mini celebration and we kissed but it was a i dont know what to think kiss. And almost imidiatly she asked ok what it is and i got so nervous i was shaking. which she has never seen that from me ever! shes never seen me cry or be scared of anything non the less so nervous i was shaking. So i think that only made her feel worse and feel that this has to be really bad. Which i already told her it would either be really bad or really good its all up to you how you are about it. Well i took about 50 deep breaths and tried to start the sentence that would end in me being a crossdresser. It was so hard and dificult and i couldnt think of how to start "or finish" the sentence. Then it hit me that she asked if i was drag i could use that to start the statement that i know will change are relationship forever. Ok i finally started it and i said well babe you know how you asked if i was a drag? she said yes. then i said "well im not a drag. a drag is usually a gay guy who wears female cloths but still trys to look like a man but just dressed like a women. well (i got a huge not in my throut and took a deep breath) my group is mostly straight guys who dress like women and try to" i paused only for a second but before i started again she said "look like women?" i then said yes almost half yelling. i then said "hunny im a umm well imm aaaaaa" i paused then took a deep breath then as i breathed out i said "im a crossdresser" after i finally let the cat out of the bag so to speek i looked up and prepared for the worst. she then looked at me with her heart stoping beautiful eyes and said thats all? i was so releaved i wanted to cry but me and her huged the longest hug and the most loveing and accepting hug i have ever had. she then looked at me and said she loved me and that she would never leave me for something like that i then told her i love soo much and then we kissed and it was amazing. We both talked for hours and wished we could talk even longer but ofcourse we didnt have the time =(. When i took her home all we could do the whole ride was stare at each other and smile. We finally got there and i walked her to her door we kissed goodnight and we both said i love you and then i got back into my truck and i drove away. I dont think there will ever be a harder thing to do in my life than that. I'm soooo happy its over and so fare are relationship hasnt been the same its beeen without a dought 1million % better. We are closer than i ever imagened and i am looking forward to this whole year and beyond with this amazing, beautiful, and uderly breathtaking women. Well thats my story i hope you injoyed =). I hope everyone has a wonderful day.
Written on January 3rd, 2010