Only One

I have this deep down always nagging fear that I know shouldnt be there and most likely has no basis in reality, but it scares the hell out of me.......

I could lose my home, my car, my job, and everything else. I could never realize any of the hopes and dreams I have for my life, never get anything I want, never do anything I want to do, never be anything I want to be and it would be hard to deal with. But what would be the most devastating thing to me would be to lose my precious wife. Im not talking about death here (though that too would kill me). No, Im talking about her getting tired of me, bored with our marriage and life together, or even just not loving me anymore. I love her with all my heart, and I want nothing more than to be the best husband I can be and for her to be happy. I dont ever want her to regret marrying me. I have talked to her about this and she reassures me that she loves me and that she could never regret being with me no matter what. I trust her and I believe her completely (I know she would never lie to me)....yet that fear lingers at the back of my mind. Its not affecting our relationship at all, but it is a very real and annoying fear. I guess it comes from being let down so often throughout my life (especially in my first marriage). I made a promise to God, to life, and to myself a long time ago that if I would be allowed to find and be with a wonderful woman, that I would always give her my best and love her with all that I am. That "prayer" was finally answered and I couldnt be happier. But I have never had much luck in life and I am having the hardest time building for and giving to her the life she deserves. I know that our love and relationship is the MOST IMPORTANT thing....but along with finding the right woman, I wanted a life to share with her. I am trying and doing what I can....but things arent moving, they're not getting anywhere, and I am not only frustrated myself....I feel like it is just not good enough. So my fear hangs on, hoping that things will change before she finally decides she cant live with it anymore and wants out. I know this all sounds a bit stupid, but I just wanted to share what my biggest fear is. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

IndyJoe IndyJoe
41-45, M
1 Response Mar 4, 2009

i would love to hear more on why things aren't moving etc.<br />
telling you to try not to worry is no good so i won't say that.<br />
nothing is guaranteed in this life and a relationship hasn't got one either. your wife will do whatever she wants regardless of what you say or do. you will never win so you should just be yourself and keep it real. then if it works out you will be happy and if it doesn't you have been yourself and you will still be happy. don't put too much emphasis on another person. it never works.<br />
all the very very best<br />
mt