A Letter To God...Dear LORD... um, Your Majesty... um, Master?
Firstly, I want to thank you for a list of things:
The incredible splendor of all that exists; this machina et deus we call "the universe", which You have given to provide for and contain us; people (even though, at times, I can't stand them); animals; angels; and even Satan (he may cause a lot of trouble, but he's given me something to be against). I want to thank You for life; a mother who loved me, in spite of her madness; my brother; my family, dysfunctional though they be; the people I've met (yes, even those who hated me); the wealth of experiences You've brought into my life; the innumerable times You've rescued not just me, but my family and friends as well; Heaven; Hell (to contain people who would try to wreck it for the innocent); and Your ultimate Sacrifice, for my sake. I can't thank You enough, for being there for me, keeping me on the right path, and saving me in the first place.
Now, a list of questions:
Why? Why didn't You allow creation to be made perfect, like You, so they couldn't sin? Why do You let people suffer, without coming to their aide... in record numbers? Why do You allow fascist dictators, biological warfare, poverty, meiserliness, crime, corruption, violation, propaganda, genocide, illness (physical, and mental), and obssession over the most minor flaws of human personality, when there are all those other, more important issues to tackle? Why did You allow me to be born into a dysfunctional family of wolves, constantly backbiting and vying for their places as Alpha Male/Female? Why did You allow me to be born weirdly, setting a trend for the rest of my life? Why did You allow my mother to beat us, berate us, and nearly kill my little brother several times over? Why didn't You heal my mother's mind? Why did You allow us to go to a place, where a pedophilic monster and his lazy, abusive girlfriend could do horrible things to us, half of which we can't remember too clearly? Why did You allow so many people to manipulate and harm my mother so badly? Why did You allow my brother to be cursed with all these illnesses, keeping my dad at home with us, instead of being able to work? Why did You send us all over the country; leaving old friends, and finding it increasingly harder to make new ones... let-alone relationships that went beyond making out or pet names? Why did You allow my family and I to live on the streets? Why did You give my dad an excuse to go to Vietnam during the war, and be scarred even worse, for the rest of his life? Why couldn't I escape the hazing and bullying I endured in Nebraska; let-alone the courtroom drama, the idiot quacks trying to head-shrink me, and the abuse of power by the local government? Why did You allow me to lose my mind, and lose Petra Mazankova (-Lanius), before I even had a chance with Her? Why did You allow us to suffer from the apathy and prideful elitism of the people in all those cities, where we suffered as a result of being homeless? Whyy did You allow me to get life-threatening MRSA infections? Why did You allow me to have the promise of doing Your will, and then force me to move with my family, over and over again? Why won't You allow me to see Her again, talk to Her again, at least be friends with Her again? Why do You delay Your coming?
I'm sorry for all the sins I've ever committed (other people are probably reading this, so I won't mention them here; I think I've already done enough damage to my work for You, as it is, with my rants... not to mention it would embarass me, too). I will try to be better, and do better. Please, don't give up on me; I won't give You up, ever, no matter what!
You know my typical prayers. I pray You answer them, if it be Your Will.
I'm sorry I complained so much, but it does feel good to get all that off my chest. The quantity of my gratitude may not be impressive, but I assure You that I am far more grateful than I am ungrateful.
Thanks for listening; Father, Lord Jesus, and Holy Ghost.
Your adopted child, and humble servant,