Please Write Back.

Dear God,

It is my understanding that you prefer to be known through faith. Instead of appearing to your potential followers directly, you would much rather they realize your existence through vague hunches and ambiguous spiritual experiences.

It is also my understanding that you can see everything about the lives of us mortals, not unlike Santa Clause. In fact, Santa is really a sort of a metaphor for you. You're really the one who sees us when we're sleeping, knows when we're awake, and knows if we've been bad or good.

So if you see everyone when they're sleeping, you saw the times that I cried myself to sleep, crushed by feelings of uncertainty and helplessness.

If you see everyone when they're awake, you saw the times that I fidgeted in church trying to figure out if what I was being taught was true, and the times that I tearfully discussed my dwindling religious belief with my parents, who didn't understand in the slightest.

And if you know if we've been bad or good, you know how hard I've tried to be a good person. Ever since I was a small child, I've done my very best to not bring harm to others, and did relatively well despite psychological disadvantages like impulsiveness and chronic shyness. My greatest wish has always been to succeed in life and please you. So I don't understand why you're making me suffer.

I've never really questioned this faith policy before, but now that it's causing me great spiritual anguish, I'm having second thoughts about its legitimacy. It's not that I question your capabilities as a leader of the universe; you're really very good at it and I'm sure there's a reason those people in Uganda that are raping children and making them shoot their parents haven't gotten struck by lightning yet. It's just that I have no way of knowing whether you wrote the Bible or if it was just some crazy dudes in the ancient Middle East.

I feel as if my soul is being torn in two: on one hand, the religion of my parents and community; on the other, every last piece of actual evidence. I just need one tiny, little, undeniable sign. I just need you to stop punishing me for thinking logically.

Please write back this time.


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1 Response Jan 19, 2013