Or Women

Seriously -- this is one totally unknown and un-understood area to me.  I just do NOT get it.  I am married, and let me tell you something right now and completely upfront... I am NOT into sharing my wife.  Nor is she into sharing me.  We did NOT get married to sleep around... we got married because we love EACH OTHER and want to spend our lives TOGETHER.

Why I would want to share her is beyond my comprehension.

And so too are the men who say they want to "share" their wives.  Now on the other hand, I have some sympathy for the wives in this situation... were I with a man who actually WANTED me to sleep around, I would probably want to cheat on him too!  Just saying....
SaratogaGirl SaratogaGirl
26-30, F
26 Responses Aug 9, 2010

I personally like knowing that there are numerous men who know what I have and how good my wife is in bed. Like last night, my wife's lover admitted, he is just for fun. He is not my wife's number one. I am. He stated that he is just there to bring us both pleasure. He has sex with my wife about 3-4 times a week, and has for about three months now. We met him through craigslist. Since our first get together we have gone mountain biking and gone on camping trips together. He is very forward and is also very masculine. I am not forward at all. My wife likes that when she is with both of us she has his and my tendencies and personality traits mixed, which she enjoys.<br />
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The lover my wife had last, last night, is only one of many men my wife has sex with regularly every week. She has sex with our friend's husband every night, she has sex with the last lover last night 3-4 times a week. My wife has sex with a lover we met through craigslist, he is South African and dark skinned, at least three times a week. My wife also has sex 3-4 times a week with three guys I used to work with, one of them used to be my boss. My wife also sees three other men we originally met through craigslist a 3-4 times a week.<br />
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My wife has sex with her regulars as well as men we meet at the adult book store and the wing clubs we go to. My wife loves sex. She likes variety. She loves me, but she also loves to please other men. I like knowing that so many men have and do have sex with my wife. I like that so many men know how lucky I am to have such a sexual wife.<br />
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Too many men have wives that are not sexual. I like having men tell me how lucky I am as they are having sex with my wife. I also like it when men tell me they wish they had a wife like mine. I enjoy it when other men tell me they wish they could meet and marry a woman like my wife. And I like it when my wife thanks me for allowing her to have sex with the men she has sex with.<br />
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There are seven men that I work with that have had sex with my wife. On a daily basis they talk about how lucky I am, as well as how much fun they had or have with my wife. My wife's picture is on all of their desks. When we have clients to the office it is fun to see their faces when they notice that it is the same woman in the pictures on all of the mens desks. We have even had clients to our house who asked about my wife's pictures.<br />
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I think what I like most about sharing my wife is being told by the men who have sex with my wife how lucky I am. And I agree with them.

goodtimes sd

hmm, don't know if it is the "Sharing" so much as the "deed" , the "act of " " the SEX" most people can agree.. men are visual, and get aroused through sight - as well as other senses - thoughts , touch etc.. But "seeing your wife ( your other half) engaged in a sexual act - Or perhaps .... ANY WOMAN / PARTNER engaged in the SEXUAL act... would be a turn on... Whether it is your wife or someother WILLING person. Would be the visual stimulous , ( stimuli ?!?! ) to get hubby hot and bothered right?! Well that 's my two cents. SD

Honest &amp; to the point. Thank you.

Your welcome - of course I would love to be in their position too... having sex with a married woman - without commitment except to make her happy ...sexually and keep her stimulated to her satisfaction... so great for all involved ..

Why start the discussion at all? What discussion. I posted a story in which I gave my opinion. As Ladyblue has said above, sharing "for many it is at the sacrifice of the connection between sex and love, and the close bond that results from that connection." I concur.

Been there and done that and it ended my first marriage. If you want to read my stories you will get the full details. I am now married to one of the men my first husband "shared" me with. We love each other to an amazing depth and our life, and sex life are phenomenal. We have no desire to share or be shared and never will. We have been together 13 years and the sex is not boring or monotonous. It is fantastic and it just keeps getting better and better. We find ways to keep things new and exciting without having sex with other people which, in my opinion, takes something away from the relationship. It may make the sex hotter for some, but for many it is at the sacrifice of the connection between sex and love, and the close bond that results from that connection. My husband and I are always doing new things together, and I am not just talking about sex. We enjoy life and all it has to offer completely together and as one.

My thoughts ....agree .....I worry about wrecking a wonderful relationship.

I like your incite , very well thought out - I'm a guy .. duh , one of those that do not converse very well.. especially relationship, feeling... etc . with the other half... But I try...

Well, wantstowatch, if you had ACTUALLY READ my profile you would see that I am a lesbian married to another woman. You can read, can't you?

That's just a promiscuous male justification.

Just make sure it doesn't end up on the internet!

It would be one thing to cheat on your spouse in order to save them or something.... that would be like taking a bullet.... what I can't figure out is why anyone would want to encourage their loved one to go and have casual sex with other people. To me this is crazy.

To put your mind at ease.... if you were no longer able to "perform" for her, you would still have be able to love her, care for her, and (ahem!) "kiss" her!

So far I have understood almost nothing. And the last comment least of all.

Because I seek to understand what I do not understand.

Amen to alot of the comments here- Wow, it is so exciting to think about the taboo, but so many failed to understand why they want to explore. Society has so many people convince that size matters and therefore a women needs someone else. This person is insecure within themselves and if the couple could really open up and be honest in thier communication, they may find something far more to their liking since becoming more transparent with each other allows love to grow and acceptance of each other allows the couple to begin to work together to enjoy each others desires, but to feel a love they only dream about instead of wondering why they still feel something missing. Well, here it is, the need for man and women to love each other at the core of each others being, for two to become one can only be gained by the total giving of each other to each other and lastly, two people together can only have great sex and love ba<x>sed on time together, becoming best friends and really accepting each other as they are. This can't be realized by adding someone to the equation that creates unbalance for the couple. EveHarvest, you stated such a mouth full when you told us, Together, act out their fantasies, safer, more erotic and enhancing to intimacy if done with openness, but add accepting of each others desires.

I'm afraid there are some huge misconceptions and assumptions made here I can't straighten out in one comment, so I won't. I'll just give some answers to think about, or to throw away immediately, that's a possibility to.<br />
@saratogagirl; when I started reading I thought: "here we have someone who is willing to really look into this matter. Not long though as a few sentences later the tone changed and the different boxes came out of the closed. Box 1 for them, box 2 for those etc. The white boxes are the good ones and the black boxes I spit on. Why? Because I do not understand it. I think it isn't necessary to understand it all to be able to respect it just the same. I read disrespect, that's I think is a shame, belonging in a big black box!!<br />
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In general:<br />
In the opening story the tone is set, i.e. by mentioning the pity one feels for those poor wifes who are married with a man who WANTS him to sleep around, it is almost to the point they are forced to do so, the way I read it. <br />
When that should be the case there would be a lot more divorces then there already are next to more lawsuits for forcing woman to sex they do not want. <br />
What surprises me is that studies point out that nowhere in the world this lifestyle is more shared among couples and singles as in the USA. The difference is, that people do not come out, it is known and practiced in closed circles, that sometimes open up a little bit, for instance here on EP, only because one is anonymous. The moment Internet is controlled even more and anonymity is not possible anymore nobody has to judge this anymore. It'll all be gone....., will it?<br />
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@unionsteward2008; I like your contribution, you try to look at both sides, thank you.<br />
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For: there is nobody sheeting each other as is stated; the people who share this DO love each other otherwise they couldn't do it, it certainly would ruin their marriage, so maybe read before you write?<br />
Furthermore about 50% of all men and women who state to live monogamous have extramarital affairs, why is that? I personally (just personal also) think lying is worse then having fun togerther <br />
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@whiskeybent: when some couple wants to stay monogamous until they die, nobody says they are not allowed to. Just do as you please, so why not the other way around? <br />
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@InGeneral: One of the biggest groups here on EP is the group about sexless marriages, look what harm is done there. I am 100% sure that if in those marriages, with professional help (there is sex-counseling working with this principle), the two people involved would take this lifestyle in consideration and just gave it a try, that would solve huge problems for those who then found a way to stay together without the problems in the past. This is NOT for everybody, some people just can't do it, can't bare it etc., there too are reasons enough to leave the thought alone, but just trying won't harm. NOT practicing it, but just giving it some serious thought, with as said, professional help. When in the end you don't want to, then you shouldn't have to of course. But tell me, what is worse, having sex together with another man or woman or depriving someone from sex for the rest of her/his life? Sex is a basic need, it is a proven fact that relations without a reasonable sex-life are doomed. <br />
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@Jerrica: when you have lives this life for several years there is nothing wrong growing other ideas, or having bad experiences and change the lifestyle for something that works for you. <br />
My question here is, how do you know what is "your thing" now, when you, as you say yourself, do not know what made you live your former life anyway? You still do not understand it, how do you know it was a bad thing to do then? It puzzles me. So one side I understand, but how to get there I don't<br />
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@Curious Sgt. I can't give you advice. You know the advice I'd give already, but I do not know your circumstances, so it could be a bad advise then. For one: you must be sure you BOTH really want it. <br />
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@EyesHarvest: I agree, playing around just with the two of you can be very erotic. I think a lot of people do, but some want to make it real, so that's what they do.<br />
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As Saratogo said: "let me tell you right now and completely upfront"; that is what I did, nothing less, nothing more. No disrespect whatever to nobody.<br />
Saratoga; thank you for the opportunity to react!!<br />
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xWanna<br />
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PS, I am married, in this marriage I do not swap (yet), in a former one I did, which was not the reason it ended. And I am a firm believer in the fact that sex heals!!

I am soooooo with you Girl. I couldn't share my bride<br />
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Thanks for your thoughts

Well, steve, if it works for you two, fine. I do not understand and have no intention of finding out.

I want my wife to have sex with other guys, and she does. Mostly it is with her ex-boyfriend, whom she has been having sex with the entire time we have been married (even though she only told me in our second year of marriage. She has sex with him whenever she feels like it and tells me about it... whenever she feels like it. <br />
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Am I worried that she might develop feelings for him? No, I'm sure they have strong feelings that were there before I came along, I like the idea of them 'making love' as well as just having 'sex'. Am I worried that she might prefer sex with him? No, there are some things she clearly prefers to do with him and that turns me on.

I totally understand DJK44, that fits us to a T too!

Well for one---it wasn't a fantasy---it was a fact. One night during passionate sex my GF (later my wife) began whispering in my ear of her fantasy of having sex with just a faceless man. I became incredibly turned on. Later she put a face on the man and told me that he turned her on , and she knew he wanted her. She told me to fantasize about her exquisite physical ecstasy and that if she were given permission we would have the best sex ever and we could do my sexual fantasy no matter what it was. So I gave her permission and I was rewarded three fold. Kind of a quid pro quo. I'm not saying it didn't presented problems at times---but in the long run I've had the best sex life a man could ever dream of. Kinda "Whatever floats your boat."

one of the polls in this site shows that most of the voters have voted that 1 fom 5 man wants to share his wife. It is really a hot idea. It is only Taboos that people are not willing to do so. If your relation with wife is stong and you have confidance in each other and if the situation is discrete and the issue does not bring shame for being judged.... I think most men will love to see another man ***** their wives and the wives are enjoying it with out putting the husbands down....

I not only want to share my wife but I love it. this is only if: My wife is happy and gets pleasure from it, she doesn't put me down, the other man understands me and does it only for fun and not to insult me or my wife. I want to do it only as if we (me and my wife) are friends and sharing our sexualitiy and help each other to have. It turns me on and I have my best ***** with my wife when we have talking about this issue and my wife shows interest. During sex, I ask my wife questions such as do like that or this man to **** you and be in my place right now... if the answer is yes, it drives me craszy and I *** soon.....

Certainly safer, I totally agree with that!

I wonder about a confusion between what is erotic in fantasy and what would actually be erotic to experiment with. Is virtual reality upping the bar for people? Whatever happened to playacting between couples, where they talk about their fantasies and act them out with each other? So much safer, and possibly more erotic and enhancing to intimacy if done with openness.

No Bigmyth, I guess it does not. I am more repulsed by the idea that some men just like the idea of their wives being unfaithful, not by a couple that wishes to experiment together.

These thoughts and feelings are completely foreign to me.

i'm not quite getting it myself. as someone who has shared men with other women for most of my dating life, i've had enough of that. give me some monogamy anyday.