I Joined

 To be anonymous and have a space to vent when I am depressed and suicidal.

I often feel I have worn out my friends and have no where to go, so I write on here.

I write in a journal too but I like the idea someone might see my pain and cries for help here and I can get support because I know I'm not the only one who struggles in life. 

It helps and maybe someone reads some of what I write when I just need comfort or support or to be heard.

I live alone. I have been through serious trauma.  I have come a long way. It is a slow process. You go through it alone. :( It is challenging and hard at times.

Counseling isn't enough. Friends aren't enough. I have no family.

I can't just quit feeling. or feeling bad for that matter at times. So here I am in secret.

I want attention but don't want to bother anyone. It is too much of a burden on others. They can only do so much even if they do love you. You are on your own in life. Bottom line. 

I like having a place where I can say anything. I don't care if I am ever judged poorly either. I can delete. I'm not looking to be cured. Things don't work that way anyway. I just need love and support and kindness and encouragement. Basic needs. I just had most of my life with no one there for me. So I am wounded. Maybe extra needy or have abandonment issues.. I've been through my share of things anyway

Hoping for brighter days everyday

BrokenDoll BrokenDoll
26-30, F
4 Responses Nov 18, 2009

I too joined for much of the same reasons mentioned; I was close to my mother, who passed away three years ago, and I miss my Mum every day. My father I never knew. I have no friends, due to suffering from a childhood illness, I hardly went to school, and I had to study on my own from home.<br />
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I too feel very lonely, needy and very depressed. I wish every day to have friends to talk to, to share experiences, ideas, thoughts with, to go out and have a life with, to love and to be loved back. <br />
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Every day I leave my house for work, not my home. (A home has love, warmth, laughter, energy filled with care and affection). I leave without hearing a warm human voice, without a kiss, without being noticed.<br />
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I commute to work by subway, I see a thousand faces, yet no one to talk to. Every day my talk at work is about work, everyone else has a life, I don’t. I am the quiet grey man of the office, just gets on with his work. <br />
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We as human being are just that, being! Being loved, being acknowledged, being part of something special and being alive.<br />
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We all need to be loved, cared for, and we want to reciprocate the same feelings. <br />
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I understand that EP will not completely fill the void of a person to person contact. But it’s a good place to make one’s own feeling, ideas, thoughts expressed, in a safe un-judgemental environment.<br />
It’s a place of being part of something where people share thoughts, experiences and feelings.<br />
That is what being alive is about, isn’t it?

I came here in 2010 about June-September somewhere between that I joined. I will talk to you anytime also

Hey I can relate very much to what you say here. I've been on EP for several years now and it's been a great help to me overall. Of course it is not a cure but the ideas and help I've gotten from people here have helped me in my own life.

So I guess EP's matching algorithms work. You sound just like me! Welcome to the non-book-of-the-face, where no birds tweet your name but you can accept or ignore without shame. <br />
Just know that I am (in my head) where you are. I thank you for describing our emotionally depressive personalities so accurately. And for the reminder that we are not alone. I'll be reading you!