My Blasphemous Sight-gag Joke

Please, humour me.  Do it.

Arms out by your sides, hands up a bit:

"If you're Jesus and you know it clap your hands,"

Try to clap.  Remember, you're nailed to a cross.

tearaway tearaway
26-30, F
17 Responses Feb 28, 2009

dis is my favorite one too

Oh you're one of THEM!

I did, but it made me laugh even more to see you try and explain it.

You just sing the kids song "If you're happy and you know it clap your hands..."<br />
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But Jesus can't. Cause he's crucified. Heeh.<br />
<br />
I think you did got it.

It was excellent. <br />
I am still trying to figure out how i can clap with my hands nailed. Thinking.... Thinking... don't got it

It was good eh, for a forgotten joke.

Unoriginal...that was very good


I just heard another cool blasphemous joke today via Kenny the cool pharmacy guy.<br><br><br />
<br><br><br />
Well, ****. I've forgotten one of the characters since I don't read the bible or anything. I'll have to drop it down to two.<br><br><br />
<br><br><br />
Moses and Jesus are hanging out one day, kind of after they were cool. They're just hanging out by a large lake talking about back in the day when they were the ****.<br><br><br />
<br><br><br />
Moses is like, "Man I bet I still got it."<br><br><br />
Jesus says, "Psh. Come on. I doubt it. You haven't done that **** in years."<br><br><br />
So Moses looks over and sees a big stick laying by the lake. He picks it up, holds it over his head with both hands and murmurs and WHOOOOSH, the lake parts.<br><br><br />
"Ha! I told you!" he says. He lets the stick down and the lake comes back together.<br><br><br />
<br><br><br />
"Well," says Jesus, "I bet I still got my magic too. Tell you what, take that rowboat there and row out a ways. I'll walk to you."<br><br><br />
<br><br><br />
So Moses hops in the rowboat and goes out about fifty yards and waits. <br><br><br />
<br><br><br />
Jesus shouts, "All right. Here I go. Check this, no, for real, check this."<br><br><br />
<br><br><br />
So he starts walking across the lake. He realizes after he's gone a few feet he slowly starts sinking and before too long he's up to his neck by the time he reaches the boat.<br><br><br />
<br><br><br />
"Man, I dont know whats up Moses. I haven't tried this in a while. Give me another go."<br><br><br />
<br><br><br />
So he swims back to shore, gathers himself, stretches his calves and tries it again. He makes it a few feet and starts sliiiding down again to the point where he's swam back to the boat once more. By this time Moses is in the boat laughing his *** off. <br><br><br />
<br><br><br />
"I dont know whats up, Moses. I swear I should be able to do this..."<br><br><br />
<br><br><br />
"Well," says Moses in between laughs, "it would probably be easier without those holes in your feet! haaaaa!"

Oh man, I have flashbacks to Christina Aguilera's Dirrty video every time someone mentions the word spats. Not seen it? It was kinda dirrty. I don't know if I can take chaps seriously again. Wait, hey, I'm thinking of chaps. What are spats?<br />
Oh wow, a party on my block! That's cool as man, pity I'm asleep. I bet you woke up when you were singin that song though eh Unoriginal, but maybe the Jesus part makes it more sleepy. Viva la jive talk.

I'm wearing spats!!!

hahaha. This is cool. Hey tearaway, we totally brought the party to your block this time. We're hanging out, talkin jive on your story post. I've got the fruit basket and Celery's got the ghetto blaster. We're just chillin here. Snappin our fingers, flipping quarters, wearing fedoras.

EEEVERYBODY must get stoned!!

Jesus'll stone ya when you're tryin to be so good.<br />
He'll stone ya just like he said he would.<br />
Yeah but I would not feel so all aloooone....

well, he IS without sin, so he COULD throw the first stone!!!

Hahaha. It would be funny to walk around giving Jesus a flat tire. I wonder how much the messiah would put up with before he pounds me in the face with a rock?

Awesome!!!<br />
You totally nailed it!