Having Them In The First Place

I can't change anything, whatever happened is unchangeable and a waste of energy to think otherwise.  I have to learn that, but I have not been able to do it yet.  
jc2009 jc2009
41-45, M
5 Responses May 23, 2011

Thank you eternalhope and flyingstone for your comments. Those thoughts may never go away but at least I can make them less obtrusive. I achieve that goal once and I hope to achieve it again.

Looking back at mistakes and living in regret is not productive. We get mired in the past and unable to move into the future.<br />
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I just tell myself that it was a learning experience, focus on the positives and move on. It's a mind game that I play with myself.

My Friend. I know fully the battle you fight over the past but we must learn to look forward to what can still be rather then what was. Only by looking forward can we ever expect to find any of the peace that we search so hard for. One foot in front of the other and one babystep at a time will help us to get there. Alway's my best my friend, alway's my best.

I completely agree with you my friend and that is why I wrote it. I can't keep torturing myself over it even when sometimes those thoughts are beyond my control. With that story I recognize that what happened, happened and I can't do nothing about it no matter how angry I become. I also recognize that I still fall prey to it and I have to learn to control those thoughts and if I can’t, find help. Old habits die hard, specially bad ones, my friend give me a chance to work with. Nevertheless you have helped me a lot in this area and I am grateful for it.

My dear friend. The battle's that you and I must face each day are enough the have to deal with without adding to the misery on purpose. I regret being behind the wheel of my truck when a mother on her way to surprise her son at work and take him out to lunch drove into me and lost her life. I regret an accident that altered my life forever and put me on the path of depression and many other thing's. I regret that my first marriage ended in a divorce that hurt my children and forever altered " their " live's. I regret thing's I have said and thing's I have dont that not only hurt and effected myself but those I love. Tell me when to stop my friend because I can create a list that will keep you busy reading for most of the day. So tell me my friend what make's YOU less human then US ?<br />
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I dont want to forget the mistake's of my past as they are a reminder to me not to repeat them. But I do not carry them around in a big bag drapped over my back each day just to add on to what I must deal with THIS day. I CANT change one single thing of my past. I cant give that family their mother back no matter how much I want to or beat myself up over their loss and that is just a fact of life. Nothing I have said, nothing I have done or money I have lost can be altered, IT'S GONE !!! IT'S SAID AND IT'S DONE AND IT'S PART OF MY PAST never to be regained or altered. To carry that luggage around each day and chew on it only ADD'S to the mental ilness part that we must already deal with so why on earth would I WANT to add to my pain.<br />
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I may not be able to control all that I would like each day with having to deal with my depression but I am still smart enough to know that I can never even begin to heal any part of it IF I CANT LET GO OF IT. I would be dead at my own hand's and you know that. Get mad as you would like my friend but it's a done deal and it's time to move on. Nobody can move into tomarrow if they keep themselve's chained to yesterday, and that include's YOU my friend. Tomarrow cannot and willnot get better unless YOU choose to allow it to do so. I have said enough my friend. The day will be what you choose it to me. My Best.