I Pull Out All Of My EyelashesI am very ashamed to say this, it is extremely hard for me. I need to let this out so others know that they are not alone. It is my way of getting out my pain and frustrations with myself. My eyes were my best feature and still are... they are hazel green with tints of yellow in it and flecks of light brown... but now they are bare. They used to be protected with thick, long, very dark eyelashes. I always got compliments on them especially by people I didn't know and it felt good. I am my worst enemy.
When I was very little about the age of four, I started rubbing my eyes and pulling out eyelashes while watching tv. My parents noticed patches missing and got concerned that I was sick due to a premature birth. I was only one pound and a half when I was born and my mom was only 24 weeks pregnant with me when a full term baby should be 40 weeks. Anyway, that's a different topic. That obviously was not it. They watched me closely to see when, where and how they fall out. Then they had found the source. Me. I did this.
As I got older I knew it was wrong and I tried to stop. My parents did whatever they could. They put mittens on my hands told me to read and to get my mind off, but nothing could keep my hands away. So they resorted to buying me baby dolls with long black eyelashes. It felt the same, but I didnt have the satisfaction of the actual tugging on my own eyelid. I didnt stop pulling on the baby dolls eyes tho until every single lash was gone. It only took two minutes. Then they thought showing me pictures of myself with bare eyes would show me what I was doing to myself. This made me stop for a few years. Gradually I stopped. I didn't do it for the next 9 years.
Now I am battling anxiety and depression due to everyday life. All my eyelashes are gone once again. Now that nothing is there i wear false eyelashes to make myself feel good, but the urge is always there. I am afraid that it may lead to more, but I can't worry now. I just want everyone to know that if you have this problem you are not alone.
deleted 26-30 3 Responses 2 Mar 21, 2012