The fact that i've never been on a date. Huh, go figure.
LuluLulukins LuluLulukins 22-25 2 Responses Jun 30, 2011

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Oh, sorry, I think I had the wrong end of the stick.... I'm glad you assert your right to not be used - paying your own way should send a clear message that you would enjoy going out to something, but on equal terms.

With patience, and casting your net a little wider, I suspect you'll eventually find some guys who are worth the wait, because they'll be the sort who respect that you are an independent woman, who is looking for a quality friendship, which might lead to a quality relationship, instead of junk-sex on the first date.

Accepting the gift (e.g. of having your ticket paid for) should not be mis-construed as somehow buying you for the evening, although some guys might think that is an entitlement. I always enjoyed shouting my girlfriends to a night out sometimes, and accepting graciously when they offered the same. I didn't expect anything in return: I felt good with the surprise giving of the gift. Maybe those days have long past.

Have you heard Alanis Morissette - "You owe me nothing in return"?

The lines that I'm thinking of are:

"You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give,

you owe me nothing for caring the way that I have.

I give you thanks for receiving,

it's my privilege,

and you owe me nothing in return."

Perhaps if you think about the characteristics of the sort of guy who gives without counting the cost, and you may find places and groups which attract them. Some activity which takes time and patience to cultivate - martial arts, dance, massage, calligraphy, meditation, church communities... etc all take more than nominal efforts (like watching TV) to master. Among these people you may find a good one.

Good hunting :-)

I imagine you've said this because you feel that not having been asked to go on a date (or asking someone on one?) is something that people are going to judge you on. ... is that right?

Some will - the ignorant, judgemental, biggoted, etc seem to think that their job is to score everyone else for living.

Many of us simply wish you a good life, success (whatever that looks like for you) and joy unbounded. We also know that you'll find disappointment, failure (whatever that looks like to you), setbacks etc.

Please know that there are many people here who are open to listening to your issues, providing advice (even if you don't ask for it sometimes :-), and being generally supportive.

Do you feel like saying more about your dating desires / what's holding you back?

I appreciate your concern very much. Yes, well it's not like I haven't ever been asked out. But just that the guys who do would be expecting to get something out of the date and I'm not like that. I would pay for myself just to make that clear. There aren't many people with the same values, etc. as me around here, and it's just discouraging.