Trying

I am 5'7",125 pounds, long straight blonde hair, blue eyes.....sounds nice right???
yet my description is nothing like what i see in the mirror...all i see is UGLY....
all i see is a horrible person....
I started cutting 3 years ago...i relly dont even remember the first time...i cut the ends of my fingers up when i was even younger for no reason except attention....
Then, i started cutting my thighs...real, deep, painful, and horrid looking cuts....on my legs to hide them...i was addicted from the first time.....
I hated myself and believed i deserved them...i hated myself and cried every time i looked in the mirror....i saw me as so terrible and why did i even exist....
I cut every day to put my inner turmoil outside so it was visible....
Four months ago i met him....he knows who he is and i know you are reading this babe....
I always thought no man would ever love me, even if he somehow did, he would hate me over my cutting...
But he didn't.....
He still loves me...i really don't get it.....
He begged me to stop...and well...here i am 3 months later without cutting.....
But i still am having trouble not hating myself....he says i am beautiful, he says i am sexy....but i cannot see it...i stand back and look in my mirror at all of me and just try my hardest to see how he does....but i just CAN'T.....
It is not there in my eyes.....i am trying my hardest...but still is not there...
MindyBear95 MindyBear95
18-21, F
3 Responses May 16, 2012

baby which u see in mirror,&feel is not true! though attractive feaures, ,,glamours face looks pleasent for a short while..but these didn't makes beautiful indeed, the real beauty can b seen in the mirror which in side of heart!, u see,there r so many people having no glamour but their beautiful deeds make them great,in every field,u have2 hands,beautiful legs,&melodious voice...go ahead to explore yr talent in music,(vocal instrumental).dance,..baby u should b proud of u that god has gifted u such natural and everlasting beauty!

dear,which u say,beauty? sexy? a glamourous face&figure,no, not at all! Baby real beauty is inside of u!,everyone is a creation of god,we should be thankful,who provided such beautiful eyes,ears,nose,mouth,& so many things,which u having!. Dear just think? If u had eyes but(without sight),mouth without voice(dumb),ear without noise(deaf) and so., ,every thing.,gifted by him is beautiful, loving,we must accept it ...!

But what happens if i see how God created me as ugly.? It it just impossible for me to see any beauty in what i see in the mirror.....i try but it just isnt there...

WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL CREATURES && WE ALL HAVE FLAWS WE HAVE TO LEARN TO EMBRACE THEM && LEARN TO LOVE OURSELVES IF WE ARE EVER GOING TO EXPECT SOMEONE ELSE TO LOVE US IN THE MANNER IN WHICH WE DESERVE.....YES I KNOW MUCH EASIER SAID THAN DONE BUT ITS APPARENT THAT YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO HANDLE THIS CAUSE YOU WAS STRONG ENOUGH TO STOP CUTTING YOU LET YOUR LOVE CARRY YOU THROUGH THAT && IT WILL CARRY YOU THROUGH THIS BE STRONG HAVE FAITH && WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE GOD BLESS

Thank you :)