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I Have a Chance to Leave...

I have a chance to finally leave all this behind, but can I?

My story... I am a 37 year old, divorced mother of 3 girls. Ages 16, 12 & 10.  I have been divorced for 8 years. My ex-husband and I, currently, do not get along. He is very jealous, hateful and with holds love from our children when they do not do what he says. My kids are beginning to pay dearly for "our" lack of co-parenting.

My 16 year old daughter has turned her back on me. She chose to live with her father. He loved the fact that he was able to "tell" everyone how she cant stand me. Recently, she has admitted that she is 31 weeks pregnant and unsure of the father.  I am crushed by her lack of reason as to what her life has become. She does not want me in her life.

Well, now... my 12 yr old daughter is acting up. She has alwyas been my "golden" child. Now she has been caught sneaking out at midnight to see a boy. Her therapist is even scared for her. This is the 3rd boy in a month.

My 10 yr old is the light of my life. When I want to LEAVE TOWN and run away, I think of her and stay. I truly adore that child.

I have just been given the opportunity to move in with my friend (girl that I have been best friends w/ since 4th grade. Shes a great role model for my kids). I would be living 3 hours away. I have a great job lined up.

problem:the kids dads is going to court to stop me from taking my two small girls with me. AND my bi-polar mother is on his side. (trust me.. my mother is a mess mentally and will do anything to keep me a victim and dependant on her, emotionally).  Her husband is wealthy and does whatever she says, so I assume he will assist in legally stopping me.

Is it worth my taking the risk to move the kids w/me? My littlest one loves the idea, my 12 year old does not want to leave her friends. Im scared  that this will back fire. :(

darling11 darling11 36-40 2 Responses Jul 26, 2009

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Hi, I need to think a bit before I make any specific recommendations. Your situation is so serious. i don't want to toss off a few words and then be gone. I am so sorry you are going through this. People really could make things so much easier for one another. Co-parenting is hard enough when two mature adults are involved, but your ex seems anything but so. What is worse still, is he is poisoning the lives of his children and he only has so long to unravel that. Right now, what I would say is to try to focus on dialoging with your kids as much as possible. I am not saying you aren't. Maybe you are and they are pulling away, in which case I am sorry. Even if they are resisting like the dickens, keep letting them know you are not going away. Do this even if all you want do is run away from it all. I spent years teaching inner city kids who said and did hateful things, even at first to the adults who seemed like they really cared. They were used to being let down and needed to know the person cared enough to fight with them; cared even when caring was not easy. I know I have had those moments when I have not felt very lovable, but that was when I needed that loving gesture most. Keep trying.<br />
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I also think that you having that childhood friend is good for you. Even moms need someone to talk to, who sees them as a woman with needs and dreams of her own. <br />
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As for your mom...you said she is ill, so her actions are understandably not all under her control....I would just say to tell her as little as possible about your business and that of your kids or even your ex. I would not engage her if she talks about your ex. if you feel he is using her to do his dirty work. Just tell her that that is between you and him. I do not know what the specific issues are between you and your ex other than the ones you touched on above. Generally, he just sounds like a very insecure man who tries to make up for his feelings of inadequacy with money and bullying. Sad that he would do that to his own kids...<br />
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Like I said, I will think about this some more. I hope that even if I was not helpful per se, maybe my answer was at least a little comforting. You are in my thoughts and prayers. <br />
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Oh...Happy Birthday!!!

i think you should try to move in with your friend. it sounds like that would be a good thing for you and your kids. you guys sound like you need a break. you might want to try and talk you your two youngest and explain that you are worried about them and that you love them and will be there for them no matter what happenns.