Ready To Walk

I am so glad i found this place...its like reading excerpts from my own life...i've been with my AH for 20 years married for 13 and i am now over the past couple of months realizing that thisis not the way it is soposed to be..i've been with him since i was 14 years old and for years he convinced me that i was the worst person on earth and that i was lucky to have him around...and i brought into it for years believing him completely. How wrong was i. We have two kids 13 and 10 and they already have developed such a hate for him, they now constantly ask me to leave...he is emotionally abusive toward me and the kids all day long life as become hell..yet i stay...afraid of what will happen to him...why should i, he dont care about me or his own kids. But i am trying to find the strenght to leave...over the years he has drove all my friends away so i had no one to talk to or to knock some sense into my head..what drives me the most crazy is that i know what needs to be done but cant find it in myself to do it.
morg99 morg99
31-35, F
1 Response Jun 10, 2012

sounds like you are codependent and need others to make decisions for you. That is from a lack of experience making decisions on your own. and now you have to make a big one! no wonder you cannot. try doing small things first. that you don't want to do. then when you are ready you will leave him. it is 90 % of he time women leave men because the man will never leave first. why ? because he has what he wants and alcoholics only think of themselves. if you leave then he will really only think of himself but in a hard way the truth of how he is and take care of himself and try hard to be better. cutting off is the best for any change. it happened to me and it has been so hard for me but i am in recovery and have been facing my demons and it is scary to look at myself. but i have to to leave the sickness behind and stretch toward health and the light of my life. and realize how much i hurt my wife. i am contrite.