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I Hate My Drunk Husband

I am so sick of this crazy ride!!  I've been married for 20 years and my husband has been drunk for 15 of them.  It's only been recently that I've accepted it's not my fault and I can't fix it.  I'm taking steps to become financially independent, but I'm not there yet.  I hope I have the strength to divorce him when I do have the money.  It's going to devastate my kids, particularly my daughter.  I'm trying to stay til she's out of school, but I don't know if I can.  He's not abusive or anything, he's just totally emotionally absent.  I always have to be the responsible one, cause after 5PM he's drinking and of no use to me or anyone else.  I just hate living ehre with him, and I want my life to be different.  But I also love my children more than anything and I don't want to hurt them.  So I'm still here....wishing every night that he would just die in his sleep.

dkbfnp dkbfnp 46-50 124 Responses Dec 28, 2008

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I hate my husband. I hate him to the point that I want to kill him. I told my doctor how much I hate him and all he asked me was if I had any guns in the house. My husband is a functioning alcoholic who everyone in my community is friends with. They don't see what I have to deal with at home. He gets so drunk that he falls down. He breaks my things and literally craps his pants. He came home at 7pm on New years eve so drunk that he grabbed onto my refrigerator and knocked it over. I was babysitting all my great nieces and nephews so their parents could go out. He didn't care. I got out the video camera and posted a video of him being belligerent and stupid on facebook. I just wanted my family and everyone to know what a belligerent fool he was. I received phone calls from many people telling me that I was a loser for posting that video. That if my husband got fired from his job because of it that it would be all my fault. His brother called me and told me I was a hoarder and that is why he drinks. His mother recently died but she would tell me I am a horrible wife and that is why he drinks. Whether I am a hoarder (which I am not) or not does not give him an excuse to drink. He will come home and do our barn chores and then when I ask him to please not drink he will come home fall down drunk and tell me 'well I did your chores didn't I?'. I tell him that has no relevance to his drinking or not but it does no good. I have called the cops on him for drinking and driving just hoping that he would get arrested. Oh no they don't arrest him. They call me to come and get him. He fixes their cars. I went to an attorney to talk about getting a divorce but I don't own anything and have no money to pay for it. I tried to sell some items that I thought were mine only to find out that EVERYTHING is in his name. I am now to the point that I just pray that he dies. I have no emotions for him and have envisioned myself bashing him over the head with a frying pan. Since I don't want to go to jail I can't do it. I was a paramedic for 15 years before I became ill. I wonder what I would do if I went into his bedroom (we have separate rooms) and found him choking or not breathing. Would I help him or would I walk away and come back a few hours later to call 911. My life is a living hell because of him. My father is his boss and wont get involved. His family hates me and makes that very clear. It is amazing the stories I read because for once I realize that I am not the only one that feels this way. The amount of women who have thought about bashing their husbands head in with a frying pan has given me solace. I truly hate my husband and I pray every day for him to just go away. Tonight he through rabbit poop at me and I just walked away. There is no point in fighting with him because he just says hateful things to me. Luckily we have no children but I wont just leave my dog and cat behind. I will not let him have the only children I have but I honestly don't know how much longer I can take this. One should not have to pray to God to remove their husband from this Earth. Till death do us part can be a REALLY long time.

My husband is a mouthy mean drunk..I will pray for you as I have alot of people praying for me. Thank God we can vent.

Yes thank you I will pray for you. I have given my husband to God. It is very difficult for me to find peace but I do pray a lot. After he told me last night that I am a worthless loser and that it is people like me that are what is wrong with this world, I left. I went and slept on my parents couch. It is embarrassing staying with your parents when you are 42 years old. I am 100% disabled with a very debilitating illness. My husband can't see my pain so he says that I am just lazy. I worked hard for 15 years and had to quit because the pain was horrible. The government labeled me disabled and if they can understand it I don't know why he can't. Last night was the last straw for me. He told me that this is his house because he pays all the bills. This morning I came home and gave him the checkbook. I said you figure it out. I will keep my disability check and I will buy the animal feed and pay my internet and phone bill. I normally pay the $800 mortgage with my check leaving me only a couple hundred dollars to pay for my animals and a few things for me. He spends all his money on his racecar and is gone all the time. Well that is enough it is now his turn to figure out how to pay the bills. He has already been giving me excuses as to why he can't do it but I don't care. I am going to show him just how worthless I really am. My father supported me last night for the first time and it gave me the strength to realize that it may be time to move on. If we lose our home oh well. My dad owns a lot of property and he has a little shack that people rent for vacation during the warm months. He told me that I can stay there but he is to old to take care of my cows and horses. I can let them go as long as I can keep my cat and dog. My brother in law came down again this morning and called me a hoarder again. I do extreme couponing and I have 2 shelves filled with food. If that makes me a hoarder so be it. My husband is about to realize how broke he really is when he has to pay full price for food because of my hoarding. I raise cows for meat and I buy food that is pretty much free with my coupons. I have never spent more than $20 at the grocery store. We have enough food that we could survive 2 years if he lost his job. Since he drinks and drives all the time I figured it would be smart to keep food around just in case. His brother was actually in the car with him when he got his last DWI. His brother doesn't drink so why he didn't drive I don't know. He says he wasn't that drunk. Well clearly he was and he got a felony DWI because his brother's 13 year old son was in the car also. My husband fixes the judges car so they reduced the charges. Now he thinks he can get away with it. When he kills someone then maybe he will realize but I hope it doesn't come to that. Well anyway thank you for letting me vent. It helps so much to know there are other people out there with the same problems. I know that God loves me. I know that he won't let me suffer more than I can handle. I know that these things are not coming from God. He does not make us suffer. I just have a hard time remembering that sometimes.

Omg, I think our husbands are twins. My husband is functional alcoholic. He never misses a day from work, but as soon as he gets home, I hear the beer bottles opening and his liquor pouring. I hate him so much because he used to be very abusive, I mean slapping, pushing, yelling, one day he grabbed the steering wheel while I was driving on I-95, I put the car in park, walked around the drivers side, pulled his drunk *** out and left. I left him drunk in NY, Clubs, family outings, and other places because of his embarrassing behavior. He gets so drunk, one day we were in Jamaica at a bar, a couple walked over to us and asked him is he was ok, I asked them why would they ask him that? They said that he was so drunk last night he was staggering towards the OCEAN!! If they had not seen him he would have been dead today. This stupid *** man had chest pains three years ago and his doctor told him it was indigestion, I told him to get a second opinion, when he did he ended up getting emergency open heart surgery, triple by-pass on the spot. The doctors told me if he would have waited another day he would not have made it. This drunk still do not appreciate me today for saving his life. At home, he still argues and try to fight me and whenever I try get away, he would kick the door down. He literally continues to terrorize me. I was NEVER a violent person, until I met him. I used to dump boyfriends just for yelling at me. This drunk brought out the worst in me. I decided to buy a gun off of the internet to scare him. At first it did not work because he was too drunk to realize it was a gun and he still kicked my bedroom door in and tried to fight me. That day, I said enough is enough, I beat his drunk *** and did not care if he had open heart surgery or not. I felt if he did not care about his health, why should I. This time he called the police and all of a sudden he acts sober. I don't get that?? He wrecked my car, his car, been put in the overnight drunk tank at the police stations and sent home. My family can't stand him. I cant stand him or his family because they act like he is my problem and theirs and when I try to reach out to them for support, I get smugged or a nasty comment get thrown my way, oh, and the biggest one is "but we love him". I am like yea you do because he do not live with you!! I hate his folks! The latest incident was when we were out 4th of July, I did not know how drunk he was until he was behind the wheel and his drunken hatred, putrid behavior started to show so he decided not to let this lady get by which she had the right of way so he decided to side swipe her car, and he did it in front of the park police sitting on their motorcycles right in front of him. He is was so disrespectful. The park police gave him a Breathalyzer test and it was .24, the drinking limit is .04. They told me if he would have had another drink they would have taken him the emergency room for alcohol poisoning instead of the drunk tank. I did not have a clue because I do not drink alcohol like that. I am a wine cooler person. They hauled him off to jail and had to impound the car for evidence and I was stuck at the park with not transportation. I called his sorry *** mother, she told me she was in the bed so I called his daughter she told me she was at a friends house. I cried because I had my dogs with me. I called a very good neighbor of mine so she and her husband came and got me. Just yesterday this drunken bastered almost burned my house down. He came home drunk, put hotdogs on the stove and went to sleep. 2:00 am in the morning I smell smoke, wake up the whole house if thick with smoke. I am so tired of this alcoholic, I am trying to wait around until he croaks because he is on heart medication and still behave like he is a healthy 20-year old. His doctor told him he will give him 5-years if he do not stop his behavior. I am so ready to leave but knowing this man has a mental and physical illness, can't leave him by himself. No telling what he would do. Dumb ***!!

The post and the replies have opened my eyes.I was a drunk husband now sober for 2 days.I was thinking of drinking today again but the responses and sheer hate make me realize that what happens to the spouse.May god give help to me and you to cope up with this time.Your response have changed my view to drinking.

I wish my husband would open his eyes, he is so nasty and mean when he is drunk. Every weekend I know I will go through torment with him bashing holes in walls and just being mean. You can do it.

May God Bless you! I will pray that he will give you the strength to get through this.

I am starting to feel the same way. I've only been married 5 years and his drinking has gotten worse and worse- to the point I can't stand his belligerent talk at night. He may as well not be present at all in the evenings. He's scared our son and I'm expecting again- I don't like him being around our son at all intoxicated. I'm seriously considering leaving before I have a second child to witness his behavior.

I have been with my husband for 22 years. I am 40 years old & he is 51. I met him when I was 18 years old & had our first daughter at age 20. When I was pregnant my mother in law told me something that I never saw or even suspected.......He was doing heroine.... Years went by & his addiction became worse & worse..... Crack abuse.....He would be gone for days at a time leaving me with our business & daughters to tend to. During that time he even cheated on me..... having an affair with his ex for over a year. I dont know why I stood back then. I had 3 small children & was just so afraid......terrified of change.He abbused anything he could get his hands on until he landed in jail & the court demanded he stay sober or he would be incarcerated for 18 months. Not wanting that outcome he became sober. Life was great for many years but he began drinking. We now have 3 daughters 20, 14 & 13. We own a business together & take turns running it but when its his days to work.....he begins drinking early at work. Customers have told me that he smells like alcohol & I feel so ashamed. I dont even like to be around him anymore. I have told him to leave but he wont. Our business cannot afford 2 households. Its holding on by a thread. Im afraid of how he will support himself if I leave him. I am not afraid of how I will support myself. I think of myself as an overall strong woman so why am I so weak to leave? I feel so bad for him but I dont want to be that person that feels she needs to save him. I feel so lost! When he is drunk....he passes out & seeing him grosses me out. My kids see how I just ignore him now. I have absolutely no respect for him anymore. The love I once felt for him is unfortunately no longer there. I feel like there is a better life out there for me but dont know how to achieve it. A friend told me about this site & hearing all of your stories has given me a bit of solice... knowing that I am not alone.....that it can be done.

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I feel your pain. Been with my husband for about 25 years. My husband drinks on the weekends anywhere from a 18 to 30 pack of beer sometimes in two hours sometimes in two days. I even had him drive while drunk to get more and then sneak it acting like we are stupid that we don't know as he hides the beer cans. He drinks so much that he can not even walk and falls down. This day I am posting this he took a tumble so hard broke the arm of the leather couch gashed his head. He staggered to the bathroom passed out with blood on his forehead. It took me 15 minutes to wake him up I thought he was dead. Wanted him to be but then again I don't. It is hard to live with him like this. I don't know what to do. I want a divorce but I definitely can live financially independently. My two boys are 19 and 21 and at least they don't to be like their dad so they are not falling down drunks

I understand. I remarried my husband thinking he had cleaned up his act. We where divorced for 5 years, now he's slowly start drinking again. I do not want my life to fall apart. Sometimes I want him gone, other I want his to just stop. But I want a life. How do we survive this? I do not trust him.

I really love my husband and I know that he really loves me. You couldn't ask for a more attentive and loving man, when he's not drinking. We both play in the same band and have a female "lesbian bass pla<x>yer". Well I found texts that they had been doing and I was shocked at the xxxxrated content, which they said was drunk texting. I questioned him and he said I hadn't been giving him what he wanted and she being a lesbian was just a release for him because she was going through similar things with her wife. He said there was nothing more going on. Well later I saw some more "drunk texting" him saying say something dirty to me. They ended the txt with them both saying I love you! Well, that did it. I said it needed to end. he needed to chose me or her, so he text her and said the texting had to stop that he loved me. She has no idea tht ive seen these texts and trie to be my friend. Well the texting from what I can see has stopped, however when we play he gets so drunk that his attention is all for her and I question myself asking what she has that I don't . So towards the end of the night it gets worse and I start to get agitated and so he gets mad at me saying nothing is wrong. Saying goodbye, it's like 5 times and then he has to walk her to her car to say goodnight. I'm always dd so we either argue all the way home or he doesn't talk to me and the night is ruined as for the next day! He then forgets the next day and can't understand why I'm upset and tears eyed. I'm ready to quit the band so I don't see what's going on. I need some advice. Am I just being a jealous wife? Am I in the wrong? What should I do, I don't want to leave him, I just want him to slow down on his drinking. My son, 16 says he hates when his father drinks too! I can't take much more

I can so relate I have been married for 15 yrs going on 16 I can write a book on our crazy relationship but when its all said and done he is a working, responsible , loving guy everyone likes Right , but when he starts drinking he is vulgar , cussed me out , calls me names it gets so bad it takes me 2days just to regroup. I feel belittled , insecure

You are in the right. He has no business doing and saying the things he is to this other person. My moron thinks hes the cats meow when he's drunk. I cant stand to look at him, or listen to him breathing. I hate the way he moves, the way he looks at everyone, his ugly judgements, and well, pretty much everything about the loser when hes drunk. And , quite honestly, I am pretty sick of him sober as well. I have often wished that I had never seen his mean, ugly, hatefilled face. Cheating, is never okay, and if your man hasnt already, he is most definitely gearing up to do it. Claiming its a condition of drunkenness, is bullshit. May I suggest getting some spy equipment. There are many places you can check out for whatever gadget interests you.

I know how you feel my husband used to drink every day. He gave up drinking for 5 months and started again on Saturday. Guess where he is today - at home drinking. So tonight is going to be hell in our house. Everyone is so quick to say leave him and that would be the best thing to do , but it takes money and money does not grow on tress. I also wish that he would just drive in to a tree and die , we would all be better off. - He drives drunk so often I am surprised he has not killed himself.

The people that drive drunk, always get back home. It is the other people that they hurt.

Ladies, I feel your sorrow.

Let met tell you this and this goes for ANY woman who is sitting with drunken husbands.

They have absolutely no Pride, Love, Self-respect, respect for their children or for their wives, no Future goals and NO intention of changing. A Man who puts alcohol or friends above his wife and kids, is not the type of person you want to be stuck with for the rest of your life..

If he is the best dad in the world and most wonderful husband when he is sober, but drinks every night with the knowledge of what he becomes and how much it hurts the people who look up to him, who admire him...who has always seen him as their hero...then he is not a good person..

I have seen my dad push my mom to her absolute limit. Where she is ready to jump in the car and drive off a bridge because she felt there was no other way out. My mom left her job to support his "business", just to be told she is not worth anything, when in his drunken state, and that he is the one who pays the bills. The one who brings food to the table. Yet today, she phoned me and asked if she could do her hair at my house because there is no electricity..

I had to leave early for work today, as any other day, which meant I did not get time to really chat to my mom and 4 sisters.. My wife phoned me about an hour after I left to tell me what actually happened there the previous night.

My dad came back home at midnight, with no food and drunk as a sailor.. The electricity had been cut for two days already and there was no food left in the house. The only thing my mom could do was to walk to the shops and use her last R20 ($2) to buy chips for them to share.

This is not the first time it has happened. I recall 4 times last year, and that is only the times I know about..

I would love to tell the rest of the story, but I am too upset to write right now..

The only thing I can say is... I am an honorable man who loves my wife, my mother, my sisters and the rest of my family above EVERYTHING else! I take pride in my characteristics because I do not drink, I do not sleep around, I do not go out with friends and leave my wife at the house with nothing and no-one to talk to..

I am not saying all these things because I feel superior to other men, or because I think that I am different... but because my mother raised me with every good been inside her and I am PROUD to say, that I have not became the man my father is..

Ladies, don't waste your time.. Don't waste your lives on these men. At the end of the day, it is not only you who suffer, but your children too..

Wow.. soo many women out there, just feeling exactly like I do! The difference in my marriage is though, that my husband is the best husband ever!! And the best father one can possibly imagine! The problem with him is, that is so light on juice that he should't actually been drinking at all. He gets drunk so quickly and when he does he doesn't know anything anymore. He does not get abusive or loud he just can't walk, talk, do anything anymore. So many nights I lie awake, listening to him snoring next to me. The worst is that he always drives! we have 2 beautiful children together, but he doesn't think further. What if he has an accident drunk or what if he drives over someone?? What if someone sober drives into him while he is drunk. It's gonna be his fault and he is going to be locked up for while! For so many years I am trying to tell him that but every time I confront him about it, he walks out of the room. He just doesn't want to hear any of this. I don't know what to do and I am so frustrated. I simply cannot understand why someone his age cannot be responsible and has to do the boys-thing to the very last moment (just before he falls over basically). I am asking myself if I still love him and I would wish for the same man just without that habbit. - All the best to you ladies out there. You just gotta be strong and so will I.

What is he hiding? I get the feeling thst this man has a secret.

I finally kicked my husband out after 8 years of hell. He cried and told me how much he loves me and I felt nothing. His alcoholism murdered the love I once had for him. He needs help, no doubt, but know this - all the love in the world cannot save a drunk. They will always
choose alcohol over everything else. Don't waste your life trying to save or change someone who doesn't want it. If they did, they would be fighting for their sobriety. Not fighting with you over how
many drinks are too many. For the alcoholic one drink is too many.
It's a horrific thing to watch someone you care about self destruct but don't mistake human empathy for magic. Save yourself and pray for your spouse. Only God can save a drunk. They should make alcohol illegal because it ruins everything it touches.

I have been with my husband for 19 years. I sympathize with you. My husband has been getting worse the last couple of years. He's even been leaving work to go out and drink with his friends. My son turned 17 yesterday and we were sitting and talking and he said that he could care less what happens to his father. He thinks the only thing his father cares about is drinking, partying and hanging out with his friends. I don't know that I feel the same way about him as I used to. Now he is always accusing me of cheating or talking to someone. He tells me he pays the bills and takes care of us but what he doesn't understand is that he just not there for us as a father and husband should. I have felt that I just don't care anymore and the feelings are just getting stronger. When I try to talk to him about it he tells me to get over it and have fun we are not going to live forever. Tonight I told him to leave and he just passed out. So frusterated.

See if he will go for counseling quick. My husband continued his tirades and his anger is really his problem. He was almost an embarrassment in counseling. Yelling, sarcasm - not doing anything the counselor asked of us. I hated going and realized he would never be better if he didn't address his rage. He just stopped going and stomped the love/trust in the marriage right out of it.

Sounds like my son at 17. He said his father made his senior high year the worst year in his life. I wish I had left earlier but financially and emotionally I wasn't sure I could. You will know when you have reached that point or not reached it if he gets help. Sounds like your son already knows that he can confide in you. That is a communication line to keep open.

Hope things get better.

Ladies - work to make your separation real. I am finally free. I have gotten the house in good condition, paid up bills in advance and now HIS father helped him with the down payment on a condo and I will have my children free of this 6 year nightmare. The visit with a lawyer almost a year ago put all the wheels in motion. I took his words and advice and documented and got all the financials in order and things will benefit me and my boys from taking it slow and planning. My husband curses at me while angrily telling me he wants to work it out. He just wants to take and be taken care of. I will be free of worrying about the car insurance, free of worrying about his rages and the ruined dinners etc. I get to socialize with my friends again, smile again and maybe love again. I never wanted the 'stigma' of divorce - but I can't wait to have peace and smiles in my home again.

Do not let the depression that takes over ruin your chances of getting what you need and deserve - A LIFE! My job doesn't pay much and I have to take care of the house now - but we will have peace. 28 years of marriage fortunately comes with a little spousal support - and I earned it!

I know exactly how you feel. 7 more years is what I tell myself. Then maybe I can have a life. I worry about staying and the example it sets for my kids though. I don't want them to marry a jerk like him.

I am in the same boat, except my kids are grown, I hate him I am a very ill person ( bad Heart) and can not financially take care of my self. this is why I stay. I pray ever nite to let him die. he drinks from the time he get up until he goes to bed. he thinks I can not tell he is drinking in the morning but I can smell the vodka on his breath. He gets so angry when I confront him. We have lost a car because of a dui he got.I just don't know what to do. I hate him so.

It is very hard to make a step to be on your own - but think about it. I have planned and planned and soon I will be free of him and you could too. I don't know what your health issues are - but a divorce settlement could include keeping you on his insurance until you could qualify for your own. See if a lawyer will give you a free consultation and then try to plan your finances and future around the new possibilities. That is what I am doing. My youngest son deserves to see that there are warm and committed people out there. My older two are in college and beginning their own lives - but there are future years I want them comfortable with holidays with me - where happiness prevails. I am wishing and praying for the best for you. Spouses who live with an alcoholic are much more likely to be depressed so don't fall into that if you remember who you were before he did this! Go for happy years ahead!

Your teenage boys would thank you if you took them and ran for the hills. That anger you feel is because he has not helped you resolve issues that were caused by his drinking. Alcoholics can never look at their lack of ability to have another drink as punishment. It is their release from all the horrible things that went before. He should be HAPPY to be sober. You need to get him interested in new things, family stuff, hobby - something besides the old life. And if he can't stay away because of his son's he is just teaching them the same.

You are right too that NO ONE should knowingly marry a person with alcohol issues. Never! It breaks my heart that my 11 year old is embarrassed not impressed by his dad. Avoids his father and never seeks him out. Cries for a dad like his friends have and has - even with counseling - begun to mention harming himself because he thinks he has the worst life. NEVER bring a child into this life.

Hang in there and leave the first time he gets drunk!

Thank you! I am determined to hold my ground. If he fully understood how fragile the situation is, even when he's doing well, he'd be so shocked. I am thinking good thoughts for you and your son. Breaks my heart he is so hurt by his dad. No kid deserves this!

I have been with my husband for 18 years and we have two teenage boys who are the light of my life. At this time my husband is coming off about 3 months of being sober and says he is going to only drink moderately from now on because he claims he now sees he is the moronic a@$h?!& when he drinks that we always claimed him to be. This is a first, for him to admit he isn't the charming fun and funny guy I guess he thought he was after a 12 pack! Needless to say, after 18 years I am very guardedly optimistic but also know if he goes back to his old crappy ways I am done this time. Done with being with someone who chooses to live in a state of stunted growth on every level, done with someone who doesn't respond to any social cues because they are too obnoxiously drunk to notice. Done with the loud and sometimes abusive ways he treats our sons and done with worrying about him driving drunk. And oh so done with the totally repulsive horniness that emerges because when he is drunk he just responds to the most basic urges which makes me feel like a piece of meat. NOT at all sexy as he imagines himself to be and the smells alone wafting from him as he sleeps are enough to put me on the couch. Oh so done because I have fully figured out that I like my drunk husband best when he's not around. A pretty sad state to reach. On the positive side, There is hope if he can find it in himself to control his drinking because I do like that guy. I like the completely sober guy best of all but Im willing to compromise. So we shall see.

Last thing I will say is I'm just coming into full awareness of how angry I am. I am so, so angry and some nights I wake up and want to konk him over the head cartoon style with a frying pan. But instead I lay in bed thinking about all the things I want to say, to tell him all the stories of hurt and disappointment, embarrassment and frustration. But I let him sleep and try to finally get some rest myself. But boy am I so damn angry. I wonder if it's like the 5 stages of grief and if after the anger is gone I will find acceptance or more sadness, denial again? I don't know, but the anger serves it's purpose in keeping me aware that this time this is it, he's on his last chance and it's all up to him. To those who are newbies to having a relationship with an alcoholic I say RUN. My husband tells me he knows so many nice guys who would love to have a good woman and I know these same guys too and they drink. So to that I say there are plenty of good guys out there that are sober or know how to drink responsibly. So find one of them, relationships will always have hard parts but addiction is one to avoid, trust me on this.

I feel like this could have been written by me. I have been married for almost 19 years and I also have 2 teenage boys, who are my life. I stopped living in denial about my husband's drinking problem about 6 months ago and I'm slowly learning that I need to start being true to myself, instead of always trying to make things better for him or for the "marriage", pretending things aren't as bad as they are and telling myself that things will be better tomorrow. I, too, am done with the lies ("I've only had a couple"), worrying about him driving drunk all the time, and I'm done with seeing the look of disappointment in my sons' eyes when they realize dad is drunk again. They shouldn't have to live like that and neither should I. I literally hate him when he is in that state and I've had many fantasies over the years of hitting him in the head with a cast-iron skillet! I have put up with way too much over too many years and I just can't do it anymore. I was always just too frightened to face the truth, because I knew in my heart how difficult this would be. But now the love is gone (at least on my part)-his drinking slowly chipped away at that until there was nothing left. He is seeing a counselor and trying to keep his drinking under control, but I know it's just a matter of time before he goes back to his old ways. I have FINALLY come to the realization that I cannot change his behavior and I need to quit trying because it is pointless. All I can do is pray that he gets the help that he needs. Now I am going to concentrate on taking care of me and my boys.

He'll never drink moderately. It's all or nothing. Heard that line about a million times from my drunk.

My husbandtoo he will finish all the drink in the house and then still drive to find more.

My 6th year anniversary and I am spending pissed at my husband cause he drunk to the point he passed out on the couch and peed on it. I try to make him move so I can clean up and all I hear is him calling me a cow ( I weigh 105lbs) and a *****. This has not bee the first time, last year we had to call the cops cause he started throwing punches to the air (he was drunk so we wasn't aiming) and also lucky me I do some kickboxing so I could stop it. My father in law tried to restrain him with no luck, finally ambulance had to come. Looks like the medication he is taking should not be mixed with alcohol. Let along the alcohol, when I met him 10 years ago he was a sweet shy guy that didn't know how cute he was. Fell in love immediately. He would do absolutely anything to be with me and be happy. 2 years ago he got diagnosed with Lyme disease and Mr Hyde appeared. I understand it has to be very difficult to deal with a situation like that but he does not let anybody help him cause he gets mad so it got to the point I just don't ask. Any excuse is a good one to start a fight, especially with me , in which at the end he mocks me cause I want to work (I am the only one working with a nice job with a nice salary), and tries to make me feel like a loser. One time to the point that he spat on my face which I found extremely offensive. What keeps me here Is the person I know for ten years but I wonder if he is ther anymore

my life sounds just like yours. The only difference is, we don't have children (together) the time frames are the same. I, at a time, wished he would die when in his sleep. However, one morning, he didn't get up at his usual time but much later. I was afraid to check on him and so many things ran through my mind. One of which, it takes two to make a relationship work!!! To be perfectly honest with you...I thought he might had left this world. Seriously, be careful what you wish for. I could go on, but, I think you (hopefully get my point). Life isn't always perfect, but, putting more effort in a relationship may help and do not count on HIM doing it alone..he needs you..

You don't have kids....leave now. Do not get trapped in this hell with kids. Unless you are sure you are not having kids, but still leave. If I could go back before the kids were born, I never would have walked down that aisle.

I think I share the same pain but my story is different. You see I love my boyfriend more than anything in the world. I want to help him but he has this personality that is very different from any man I have been around. When I first got involved with him he would be drunk out of his mind and I had no idea. He could drink so much and function so well. I fell in love with a man who was so super sweet, would tell me how much he cared for me and so many other wonderful things and the whole time he was drunk and I didn't know it. I have never really been around a drunk so this was new to me. When I would comment on something he had said to me the night before he had no recollection of it and sometimes said I was making things up. As time went on and we started spending more time together I began to see what was going on. The first time I spent the night with him and we woke up in the morning I felt like I was with a stranger. He acted so different, so cold. It was a Saturday morning and was distant until lunch time. I didn't know it but this was the first time I had been with him sober. He had a beer and I began to see him ease up. Then he had 2 beers, he was smiling and he really losened up. We left the restaurant and went by the store and he picked up a 12 pack and a bag of ice. He kept a cooler in the trunk, which I had no idea it was even there. We then went to the beach and he ended of finishing ALL of the beer within 3 hours. My sweetie was back. He became the guy I fell in love with again. That is so sad. So now it has been 4 years. I still love him but I have become his babysitter. What I have discovered is that sober he can be the biggest *** but drunk he is like a precious little boy. I have to stay home with him when he isn't at work because as soon as his work day is done he starts drinking and doesn't stop until he passes out. He pees on himself. Leaves all the lights on in his house and doesn't lock the door or make sure that things get done before passing out. If I am not with him on the weekends, when he runs out of beer he will drive to the store when he is so drunk and has no business driving. I am afraid he is going to kill himself or much worse, someone else. He has gotten MUCH better about drinking and driving but occasionally still does. He has a son and gets him occasionally. I stay with them to make sure that the boy is taken care of properly. I will say that he doesn't drink near as much when his son is there however his son is getting to know his dad and takes advantage when he knows he has been drinking a lot. I have to step in at times which usually means trouble. My love has NEVER raised a hand to me, holds down a very good job, but he is pitiful. He loves me, never wants me to leave his side, I just get so tired of working a full time job, cooking, cleaning my house, his house, babysitting him and his son. It is just too much. He will NOT be told what to do. So if I tell him he needs to slow down on the drinking it's a fight. I will say only a couple of occasions we have fought when he is drunk. When that happened he made me nervous. Very abusive verbally, and of course always apologetic after he sobers up. I know that he loves me. He shows me. He does the sweetest things for me and thinks about me a lot, but I do know that he loves his beer more. I want to help him. I know I should walk away but I can't. I feel like I am his enabler. Hopefully I will find a way to really help him. I just hope it won't be too late. He is not a young man and I am afraid this disease is going to make him very sick or kill him.

At least you love him. I'm a recovering alcoholic. It can be done if he is willing to get help. Maybe he needs to get a DWI to wake up to what he's doing to himself. Don't enable too much. Tell him you love him, but let him suffer some consequences so he can take a look at himself.

Just leave. You deserve better and will find better. Don't get sucked into this hell and then marry him and have kids with him. There is nothing you can do. He has to help himself. Leave while you can before you feel even more trapped.

I'm ready to rent a room somewhere and stop being co-dependent on this sick man. I need help for my anger and rage. God help me.

Amen sister.

Do it. If you have the courage to go, do it. I wish I had the courage.

Ive been with husband since 1968 was hard years had no money but happy.but afull now hes only interested in drink,gets drunk earlier every day and shows so much hate in his eyes,Ive been hitand have had my back broken by him,lifts fists all the time,I hate him hav to get out,my daughter also abusive towards me,I have to get out buT SCARED financialy what can I do? I HATE HIM

There is a lot of support for abused and battered women. Go to your local social service agency and get help, quick!!

I want to leave! I'm 17 weeks pregnant and can't seem to have any ambition to run away!!! Someone help! This is horrible! Why do I love this guy? Yuk! Whats wrong with me? I can't have another child go through an alcoholic father. I have to do it next week when he is out of town. Lord, please give me the strength and deliver me from evil, whatever evil spell that makes me frozen please release me Lord!

I hope you left. Do it now before you feel more trapped. My husband wrapped his hands around my throat when I was 6 months pregnant and threatened to kill me. I spent the night in a hotel and the worst thing I ever did was go back. Leave now

Wow! After reading ALL the above blogs, as depressing as it seems...I feel so much better. Knowing Im not the only one (selfishly) helps. Ive been with mine for 14 years. Never married, met him when I was 19! I can't even begin to explain everything he's put me through because of his drinking. He was the perfect boyfriend until we moved in together after 4 years. We moved in together because I was expecting our son. Then the cheating began, going out with his friends...now at least there are no other girls and he drinks at home. I guess I should feel grateful! What a laugh.
Like many of you, I haven't left because of financial issues and because I have two kids, 10 and 8, that will be crushed! However, deep down I know that I have to leave because of them...I don't want them to think this is NORMAL!!!
Like many of you he gets so drunk that he mistakes the living room coffee table for the toilet, is verbally abusive, mean, stupid and he stinks!!! How do you sleep beside that?? I sleep with 1 eye open, afraid of what he might do!!! And of course he remembers non of it the next day!
I gave myself 1 yr to make money and leave. So far so good. I know that no matter what, its a step I just have to take without too much thought. And I KNOW that once Im gone, I will wonder why it took me so long to leave. But I won't take my kids to a shelter and I have no family I can stay with, so I need to be financially stable first.
I hope that all of you woman that are in the same situation as I, realize your worth. Take action to a better tomorrow for you and your children. Mine are 10 and 8, they are already scared...I just hope its not unrepairable.
I wish everyone strength, and love. Thank you for sharing your stories with everyone. Reading this has turned my anger into strength. I know I am not alone.

Good for you! I wish I had your courage.

i can relate to everyones stories, all my energy goes on trying to stop him drinking. I want him to see what we could have we have lots of positives 2 lovely sons a grandaughter and another grandchild due in feb. He trys to take control but is slowly losing it, staggering as he walks droping things and his memory is terrible. I'm so lonely and know i deserve more but its like a vicious circle when occasionaly hes sober its all ok. Hes not capable of making decisions and is dangerous and abusive. Ive lost myself and spend my life naging. Constantly tired and anxious. We have just took a morgage out and now I regret it as our sons don't live here anymore and I could have left. We have puppy and she is going to be an emotional wreck. One day I might have an answer but right now its not happening.We have been together 30 years, what will it take for me to leave? and where will I go ???

Thank you so much for this article. I have been with a drunk for 13 years, and we have a son that is 11. the only conclusion i have is to wait until my son is 18, and then leave. Or hopefully he will die, or get imprisoned. the other night he got really drunk and had 2 altercations with the police, acme home, and i told him to leave and called the police. the police will not help, he doesn't have any friends to stay with, so they had him stay here.They told me i have to get a legal eviction. even though he doesn't pay rent or any of the bills ever!!!

I have been married to my husband 3 weeks hoping his drinking will change. It has not. When he does not work he starts drinking frm as soon as he wakes up. could be 5 or 6 am until he falls asleep or rather passes out at 3. when awake again back on the booze. What do i do. Can anyone help me ?

Hi my name is julie, i can totaly conect to your story as my husband has his 6pm drincking time he calls it drinck oclock. Ihave my own buisnes and he works with me, just dont know what to do, we have just has to move to a 1 bed flat and i blame him, he says its every one elses fault. i know he needs help, but so do i. good look

I have learned that if you love your children more than anything, you MUST get away. Your children will pick up on the fact that you do not respect yourself, and they won't respect you, either. I learned this from bitter experience, and I feel that I did an injustice to my children, and I hope someday they will forgive me for the mistake I made, even though I though I thought it was for the best of intentions on my part.

I am the adult child of an alcoholic and I WISH my mother had left my father and taken me with her, but yet I understand not wanting to leave your children alone with an alcoholic who frankly, is often sexually abusive. I've been married to an alcoholic who is also emotionally absent, cold and withholds sex from me because I don't bring women home for him. Can you believe his narcism?! He cheats whenever he finds some ***** who will be with him. He drinks the weekend away while the house goes to hell. And money? He is always borrowing from me or his mother to cover his overspending. I used to LOVE him so much, but I don't love him anymore. It's taken me years to separate myself from him financially but I've done it. And now I'm moving away this coming spring once my rental lease is up. I cannot wait to start over and get away from this man who is sucking the life out of me. He only cares about himself and the booze. I know that AA has helped him in the past but only when he works that program. I have been a member of Alanon and need to return there to get support now and when I leave him.

Good for you. I know how hard it is to break those chains . I too ,am taking steps, for 27 years ,I have allowed my ******* to jerk me and the kids around. We do not deserve this. He has made life hell for our kids and me. Our kids deserve so much better than that. And so do we. I am cleaning up a financial mess first, before that is done, I cant go. But look out world, im planning to break free......