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I'm So Sad Right Now

I always knew it would be hard when my husband got home, trying to re-adjust and start sharing my life with someone again after 6months apart was never going to be easy. Up until about an hour ago everything was going well, or so I thought!!

Things started off really well, he send me flowers to my work today and got my name tattooed across his back in huge letters (HUGE MISTAKE)! Tongith we were going to have a few drinks and chill out. So anyway I fell asleep, which he got pissed off about, but he was watching a prgram about cars and I wasn't really interested. Then he woke me up and I had a glass off cola, this annoyed him because he wanted me to drink alcohol, I had been but just didn't want to get drunk as it would just make me more tired. We ordered a take away and then we watched some other program he wanted to watch. Then he set a reminder to watch this bloody football thing which is on for an hour - GREAT! I was a little pissed off and said I was going to bed when I finished my food. I was crying by this stage because he had just been in a mood with every little thing I was saying and doing. He then started shouting at me, saying "I've done so much for you since I've been back" WTF - I HATE when people throw things in my face so I got all hysterical and threw my food in the bin, then it has gone downhill from there. I tried explaining that I'm not used to doing things someone else wants all the time, I'm finding it so difficult. I have been trying so hard to deal with him being back and having him home but it's like it doesn't mean a thing. Now he's saying I've been distant with him since he got back and like I don't want to be with him - this clearly is not the case because if it were then why would he go and get my name tattooed??? He knows I have been trying and making such an effort and it seems like all he wants to do is hurt me. I can't go through all this again, it hurts so much. Maybe I would be less distant if he hadn't of finished the marraige just before going away, he just up and left me for about two months and went home to his mum, spent all the time drinking and meeting women (though he says he never cheated). I begged him to come home and spend time with me before he went to Afghanistan but he wouldn't. Eventually about a week before he went away we got back together. *sigh* - I hate this. I have been sat here with a load of tablets trying to decide what to do, but I feel loads better sonce logging on and just writing how I feel. I've even been thinking about getting myself sectioned because I just feel like I'm going crazy. I know that if I don't get out of this relationship it will kill me - but I'm finding it impossible to leave, I'm scared and don't know what to do. I wish I could just curl up and die right now.

AWUK AWUK 26-30, F 30 Responses Mar 22, 2008

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two things you need to do. that last part sounded like you are afraid of him. if that is the case, call the base support group. if you are the threat to yourself, then call a suicide hot line. but don't use a permanent solution to a temporary problem. this is common for returning spouses from a war. I know, I was on the other side of it. but mine was more about how to get back into the relationship. your sounds very different. see someone who does this for a living. not later, today. it may help both of you more than you know.

Die? What for? Get out of the relationship and get on with your life! Throw those darn pills away, aint' gonna help you in any way.

I almost kniw exactly how u feel... I have been with my husband since i was 16.. 9 years..1 kid later.. He just got bak from a deployment he was gone for a year... I got use to being alone.. Doing things my own way.. Before he was deployed we were already having problems.. But we married anyways.. Mistake?? Idk... He comes home about a month ago.. Wanting things done his way..being sarcastic..criticising my parenting.. My daily routines... He says he tries to be affectionate... But for me it comes off as sarcastic.. Or him forcing himself to do it..he is not a romantic man.i use to see myself with him. . Now im not so sure..for now we argue daily...he calls me hirrible names...but i still love him... I want to work thru it but i can not take the daily fighting much longer.. I am looking into marriage counceling... Tho i doubt ged giv it a try... I say hang in there... Until u can absolutly cry no.more tears..and ur only choice is to move on...

Hi, well t o me alcahol is not good in excess . I had friends whose husbands traveled and Mine DID also. My friend Always had to expalin to her husb. when he came back to let her get used to it(him being home again) because her and her son had been used to doing what hey wanted while he was away. I really cannot give you any advise on what to do but with any man cheating can lead to disease. He may be an alcaholic or maybe just plain stressed!

The spoiled BRAT probably left the poor guy. I hate to listen to these super young wives complain about how THEY don't want to change for their husband.She co,plains that HE wants her to change. MEN DON'T work like that. MEN MARRY a WOMAN, that woman is NEVER supposed to change from the girl he married. Woman will marry a man they think has faults ut they know they can change him all the while ALWAYS changing, its wo we are, its who they are. If you both can get passed the B.S. and grow together and WORK together, then you will be fine. I have been married now for 18 years and have gone through 3 deployments to Iraq and 4 to Afganistan, Each time there is a period of adjustment but I would never expect him to change for me and he would never EXPECT me to change for him. If anything he wants me to stay the same, cant do that buy we compermise. Did you notice almost ALL of those women were british. Poor dumb American boys. I know they seem exotic but they have an entirely different moral system and different values. They are all so spoiled and have ruined a lot of GOOD american boys. I guess it part of growing up. I am not such a mean cold heartlesss b*tch that doesn't care about her. I just think she needs to try JUST as much as he wants him to try. It goes both ways.<br />
Always Faithful Wife of 18 years<br />
CappysWife

AWUK... how did things turn out?

AWUK... how did things turn out?

Just a thought: do they let you see the counsellor yourself alone without the spouse, at least to start off with?

Yeah his unit does have counsellors but he deny's theres a problem..... so not much hope at all really. Things are a little better, well kind of, he just seems to fly off at the smallest thing, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells all the time *sigh* x

Hiya, I'm sorry for your trouble. Just a thought, but I imagine he is behaving like this due to the stress of the war and sort of takes it out on the nearest person? Which is absolutely not an excuse for that. Could you probe him on this?<br />
I'm picking up on the love that you both seem to have, it comes across here. <br />
<br />
It was sweet of him to do the nice things and there is hope, maybe ... Otherwise you are young and great so there's always hope for another chap in future.<br />
<br />
I think the army is a lot more aware of how the life can mess with people and relationships. Can anyone there help- does his unit have counsellors? <br />
Anyway I'm thinking of you! BG x

*hugs* - I'm so thankful for such great friends x

We're okay again for the minute...........

Well it must be really stressful for him after comming back... soldiers do have a hard time adjusting. Give him some time and you two will work it out.

(((((((hugshugshugs)))))))))<br />
<br />
i don't think i have any advice, but my heart goes out to you. it must be emotionally exhausting for you right now. i'm here if you ever want to talk or vent.

ummm...sounds like alot of selfish..what about me ..bitchin ..if i'm not mistaken...have your men come back from war or what.... you don't really explain what your men have been through ...only what you have had to endure being alone....<br />
you got used to living by yourself and not doing for anyone else....oohhhhh how traumatic for you...what sort of wife are you....have you for one minute considered what your husband has endured since he was away...<br />
correct me if i am out of line here....but i don't see your problem only your husbands

How are you doing Armywife? It does take a while for both of you to readjust to being together. Clear you head and then sit him down and explain your feelings to him and what is going on in your head. Sounds like he may doing a little smothering in an attempt to make up for lost time. <br />
Hope you are doing better when you read this.

I have no advice since none of us really know the situation, but I can relate to your frustration. <br />
<br />
Sounds like you could use some time alone to let things cool down and to let you clear your head. <br />
<br />
Sorry it was such a rough night.

Thnaks Crow - it's just nice to know that I'm cared about *hugs*

Ooo - I didn't read animal ark :)<br />
Yeah I know what you mean about living at home, it's kind of how I feel, I have just got used to living alone and then he comes back and I'm expected to just re-arrange my life to suit him. it's harder than him actually being away! <br />
Not many women out there with his name on there wrists either LOL - guess we're stuck with each other...... unless I have a baby and name him the same thing ha ha :)

thats my plan. i came home and all my friends are here and my mum to cook for me and no rent or shopping or anything to do. and i hate it. i want to be alone!<br />
owl makes a good point, few guys with your name on their back.... <br />
do what you feel is right. but, in my honest opinion, i dont think this is the right time for thinking. <br />
point horror scared me too much. valley high were good =] so were animal ark ones =]

LOL - I used to read them i think, and the Sweet Valley High books, Point horror were good too, wish I still had them books :)<br />
<br />
I could do a tour of the UK and visit you all :)<br />
<br />
I want to be a hermit too. I was until IT got home ha ha xxx

No, it's not weird. You have both been through changes. It takes time to re-adjust. You need your space as much as he needs his. <br />
<br />
For him, it's the tele, for you jogging, or even just walking.<br />
<br />
Hang in there, there aren't too many guys out there with your name on there back.<br />
<br />
((((hugs)))) to you both.

my flat in nottingham is open too.... im going back there to live in a block for 30 by myself because i hate home so much (heres to being a hermit)<br />
and the book should be s h i t t y =] or jjust generally trashy. I find kids books in this situation, but im still quite young. Babysitters club... mindless bollocks but so absorbing!<br />
(i feel that should be in the confessions section,....)

Thanks hun *hugs* - I miss this site now he's home :(<br />
I never stop thinking about you all though, just because I'm not here so much doesn't mean I don't still love you all loads xoxox

LMAO - I'll try to keep breathing :)<br />
<br />
Counting the *'s but can't figure out what kind of book I should be reading XD <br />
<br />
Can't even watch TV now though coz ITS watching it - he's in the other room laughing at something - that really ****** me off he can just sit and laugh while I'm in th enext room in tears. Cruel bastard!

nope. i do that a lot. or take the horses out and ride until one of us is knackered. usuallly me...<br />
sit ups? they can help. keep yourself busy perhaps, until this initial pain passes. not much productive cna be done when we are very upset. immerse yourself in something, a ****** book or a cheesy film? (i recommend pretty woman or something involving Julia Roberts in such a situation) or bake cakes, i do that a lot too. Just try and keep yourself going... breathe in, breathe out, until it starts to ease (obviously keep the breathing up after it eases.... would be ironic if you died then.... wrong time for jokes??... sorry/....)

Thanks everyone *hugs* I just feel so ******. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm not an athletic person but all I want to do is run right now, if it wasn't so cold and dark outside I would put on some trainers and just run and run and run until I couldn't breathe - LOL, is that weird?

A weak woman would curl up and die ...You are not that woman ! You set your beautiful ,loving self to what it is you want and go get it !No one person has more control over you than you!

Firstly I love you. Just thought that should be thrown out there, just in case you forgot in the last few seconds.<br />
Secondly, he just got back. Its going to be hard at first. Things like being in the army, or being married to someone in the army, change people. you have both probably changed a lot since he went away. in your core though, you are still the same people. the same people who fell in love in that hotel room on that hen night.<br />
you have to do what you feel is right, just do not do anything in haste. slow it down, give yourselves some time to settle, to adjust to being together again. it will be weird and probably very hard, but i think you can stick out a few weeks until it goes back to normal then re-evaluate whats going on...<br />
Im sorry tonight has been so hard.<br />
*hugs and prayers and lots of love*<br />
xxxx

Thanks so much for understanding, it hurts so bad knowing I waited for so long for him, and have done everything I felt I could to try and be a good wife when he come home, feels like I can't do a thing right :(