I'm So Sad Right Now
I always knew it would be hard when my husband got home, trying to re-adjust and start sharing my life with someone again after 6months apart was never going to be easy. Up until about an hour ago everything was going well, or so I thought!!
Things started off really well, he send me flowers to my work today and got my name tattooed across his back in huge letters (HUGE MISTAKE)! Tongith we were going to have a few drinks and chill out. So anyway I fell asleep, which he got pissed off about, but he was watching a prgram about cars and I wasn't really interested. Then he woke me up and I had a glass off cola, this annoyed him because he wanted me to drink alcohol, I had been but just didn't want to get drunk as it would just make me more tired. We ordered a take away and then we watched some other program he wanted to watch. Then he set a reminder to watch this bloody football thing which is on for an hour - GREAT! I was a little pissed off and said I was going to bed when I finished my food. I was crying by this stage because he had just been in a mood with every little thing I was saying and doing. He then started shouting at me, saying "I've done so much for you since I've been back" WTF - I HATE when people throw things in my face so I got all hysterical and threw my food in the bin, then it has gone downhill from there. I tried explaining that I'm not used to doing things someone else wants all the time, I'm finding it so difficult. I have been trying so hard to deal with him being back and having him home but it's like it doesn't mean a thing. Now he's saying I've been distant with him since he got back and like I don't want to be with him - this clearly is not the case because if it were then why would he go and get my name tattooed??? He knows I have been trying and making such an effort and it seems like all he wants to do is hurt me. I can't go through all this again, it hurts so much. Maybe I would be less distant if he hadn't of finished the marraige just before going away, he just up and left me for about two months and went home to his mum, spent all the time drinking and meeting women (though he says he never cheated). I begged him to come home and spend time with me before he went to Afghanistan but he wouldn't. Eventually about a week before he went away we got back together. *sigh* - I hate this. I have been sat here with a load of tablets trying to decide what to do, but I feel loads better sonce logging on and just writing how I feel. I've even been thinking about getting myself sectioned because I just feel like I'm going crazy. I know that if I don't get out of this relationship it will kill me - but I'm finding it impossible to leave, I'm scared and don't know what to do. I wish I could just curl up and die right now.