I can't believe that our marriage has come to this.  I married my college sweetheart, my first love, when I was twenty four years old.   As is the norm, the first years were pretty good.  We didn't have money, but we  couldn't care less at that point.  we were happy.  now after 13 years and two wonderful children, I'm ready to call it quits.  Our marriage has been a charade for the past two years.  I have been emotionally and physically neglected for almost two years.  He has been impotent for almost two years and although I was supportive I find that my patience has run out.  When the problem started, I encouraged him to see a doctor and explained that there are many causes for impotence. After much coaxing, he finally went but did not discuss the problem much and nothing was done.  Finally, he got medication although an evaluation was never done.  Anyway, the pills failed.  I encouraged him to return, discuss it further and get a full evaluation.  Well, he didn't.  So now it has been almost 2 years without sex.  I feel neglected, rejected and humiliated.  I've asked if the love or attraction is gone, is there someone else, are his needs not being meet, are there needs that he is too embarrassed to mention.  The reply is always no, no, no.  He keeps saying that I'm not understanding; he says that he is anxious.  He makes me feel like it is my fault.  

I'm in my late 30s, but am often mistaken for much younger. I've remained slim even after two kids.  I'm educated and make a great salary.  I tried just ignoring that part of my life, and I can for awhile.  But inevitably, I become overwhelmed with the heartache; I can hardly function at times.  He is a nice guy and good father.  Maybe I'm selfish, but I need more than that- a companion, a friend, a lover.  I'm scared that if this continues that I will have an affair (or be miserable)b.  Although I know it would be my choice, I'm just so lonely and unconnected.  When I'm out and a guy approaches, I sometimes find myself thinking about the possibilities.  I want to leave my husband, not because I'm searching for someone new, but because I just want to smile again, even if I am alone.
mountaingrl mountaingrl
3 Responses May 6, 2012

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Yep it stinks, i was married for 29 yr's with most of it being sexless. But i stayed faithful and we were divorced. Iam single and life still goes on. Most men are hardheaded and will not do anything to help themselves, unless they are forced - or backed into a corner and don 't have a choice. Find a good uroligist, they tie him up and throw him in the trunk & get the hubbie to the doc :)

I am sorry for your loneliness and for your husbands resistance to looking at all the reasons behind the impotents..have that issue as well. He finally went to get pills too, but it still wasn't working out...there were other issues too..I hope you do get help maybe counceling? Good luck to you..you are not alone.