I'm Just Not In Love W/ Him Anymore.

I've been married to my husband 8 1/2 years.. We have 3 beautiful children, but they are very young.. My husband and I have had many issues.. He's addicted to video games.. I work 3 rd shift and take care of our 3 children during the day.. I don't get much sleep.. I feel some what trapped.. He is a wonderful man, really.  I just don't feel attracted to him anymore.  He still tells me I'm beautiful and he loves me.. We have no problems w/ sex.  Other than I know I'm not happy.  I love him, but I'm just not in love w/ him.. I want that feeling of freedom again.. I know what I signed up for, but honestly I was rushed into it.. His mom was terminally ill and she wanted to see her only son get married. So we rushed it.. Grant it we have been married for 8 1/2 years and she's still alive.  (We don't care for one another-his mom and I).  I want to go on dates again and feel that childish feeling of not knowing what's going to happen.. I know it sounds selfish of me, but all these years I've taken care of him and our children, and I've been locked away in a house and a job.. He doesn't take me any where.. We don't do anything together just the two of us.. I make suggestions all the time, but he says no.  I want to be loved again.. I just don't know what to do.. We have had many serious arguements and I've asked for a divorce and he comes crying to me.. I always give in.  The last time I said I meant it and I gave our pets away.. It was a way of showing him I was serious.. Obviously we are still married and have no pets now.. I just don't know what to do.. I don't want to cheat on him, but I want happiness for me... I want to see the world and do the things I was planning on doing before we got married.  I am still going to the awesome and loving mother I intended to be.. I know this will effect them, but they are young.. I just wish I could live 2 lives and not hurt anyone.. I know it sounds stupid, but I see why people cheat.. It just has a certain feeling.. If you have any advise please let me know.. I have been to couceling and he won't go w/ me.. I've taken anti depressant meds and it doesn't help.. I go to church and I love the Lord, but I just can't get happy w/ my life.. I hope this is something people can understand from a lonely woman's perspective..
Zombiemommyof3 Zombiemommyof3
3 Responses May 7, 2012

I too feel trapped so trapped. I don't know how to leave. I am so afraid f hurting him! He is wonderful but the "connection" is gone from my end. I pray I have the courage to leave soon. I am sick to my stomach and have been for a while. I can't tell anyone;": not my family, not my friends, they won't understand. I feel so selfish!!!


Hi, just adding my two cents.......I understand where you're coming from.I have been married for awhile and I gotta say the majority of the years sucked. My husband also has an addictive personality. Hes basically turns everything into an addiction, videogames, bowling, sports on tv, gambling,buying specific material things...mostly he wasnt home and if he was his time was spent on what ever addiction he had at the moment. He wasnt there for me and he wasnt any help to me with the kids or the home. I felt neglected, abandoned.I tried to make him understand how I felt. He just never seemed to take me seriously. I prayed for my marriage to change. I tried to get him to spend time together so we could have some fun, get some of those feelings of closeness back. He wasnt interested or if I did get him to go I ended up sorry that I did because nothing ever worked out the way I hoped. This went on for a few years.We fought constantly and I was miserable. I prayed for my marriage to end. I asked God why it was necessary to stay in this when we were obviously both so unhappy. Surely this isnt what it was meant to be.I wanted more of a relationship.I wanted to be loved and appreciated.I wanted friendship and respect.Then I just shut him out. I found outside friends and things to do, classes to take. I preferred that he not be home and would ask him constantly to find somewhere to go.I began to dislike him immensely. I had zero respect for him. We separated a couple of times at my request. He still acted like he just didnt get it. I just felt like I was doing everything on my own anyway so what did I need him there for? I did love him though and knew that marriage is not to be taken lightly so we<br />
d move back in together without solving anything. What I wish is that I'd have been stronger. I wish that I would have stayed separated and insisted we go to marriage counseling before getting back together. Maybe we could have worked thru it like that.But I wasnt. I was living in my emotions only. So eventually, I did what you're talking about, I first had an emotional affair with a man and it was great. He listened, he adored, he appreciated, he understood. I felt childishly in love with him. I decided I would leave my husband for him.I didnt believe I would actually stay with this man, I just thought he would be the crutch I needed to get out of my marriage.I set God aside cause I knew I was wrong. And I slept with him.I kind of forced myself thru it because it was awkward and strange to be with another man. But I thought so what, if this is what it takes to get outta this marriage then I'll be the cheater and my husband can be the victim but I will be free. My husband had been suspicious. He asked and I told him. I thought he would choke me or something but instead he just looked betrayed and deeply wounded. It was the worst moment of my life. Well we didnt separate. He was suddenly interested in marriage counseling and thats what we did. We each took ownership of our mistakes and faults and worked thru a counselor to get to where we are today. We're together, strong and happy. Though I know that the cheating was the turning point to a change in our marriage, I wish to God I wouldnt have done it. I feel nothing but shame and remorse for that. I just wish that I would have found another way and would not have acted so selfishly.Dont let yourself go there. Its not worth it. Maybe separate from him and insist you both attend counseling before getting back together. Ask your counselor for a plan of action.And also make sure you have a counselor who shares your religious faith. Do everything you can to save your marriage. Divorce does more than just affect a kid, sometimes its the most devastating event in a kids life. It sets them up for so many problems later in life. Thanx for listening. Best wishes.....<br />

I feel trapped too, I can totally understand. If you know you are not in love with him anymore then that is a sign that it's time to talk about where you both go from here. Think of it like this, if you know it's over, then by not telling him you are prolonging him meeting someone that he can make happy. (makes me feel better)<br />
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My mum has just left my dad after 30 years, just remember you are a mum but you were a woman and your own person long before that x