To Leave Or Not To Leave My Marriage

I've been married three years now and I feel that its been the longest three years of my life. My husband and I broke up alot durring our courting years because I could not deal with his pessimistic outlook on life. I also thought he was strange for not taking no for an answer when I told him that I didn't want to date him. Anyway after a few failed relationships I decited to give him another shot. We started to date and I noticed that he would get into these moods where he was stressed over life's pressures and he would get depressed and shut the world out. I had two kids pior and then we found out we were going to have our first child together. It was not a shock as we were not using birthcontrol. I had two boys and I wanted a girl before I turned 30 because all the women in my family went through menopause around that time. Well once we had my daughter his mother who is very religious kept sayng that she wanted to see us married and that we should do it as soon as possible so without him even asking we did it. Then my husband wanted to be closer to his family up north and said lets move up there. I grew up in a warm state and this was going to be a huge change for me yet I thought that if he was closer to his family then he would not get depressed. So our first year up here we moved in with his mother and it was very difficult. I felt soo alone in this state and my huband was ignoring me to catch up with his family. We fought all the time the first year and it was the worst year of my life. So when summer came around I went back home for two months to get away. While I was there I ran into my ex of 4yrs and I had so much fun with him that I had an affair. I was really torn between to stay in my home town or go back and try to fix my marriage. I decited last minute to go back to my husband because we just bought a house together and I felt maybe just maybe it would be diffierent with just the two of us and the kids of course. Well I waited a year before I told him of the affair because I knew he didn't have the right mentality to deal with something like that. We still fought real bad once a month before I confessed just now when we fight he always brings it up. Yet he supposedly forgave me. Well as the three year anniversary comes up next week I find myself wondering whether or not that I want to invest anymore years to this man. He gets into these moods where he is always tired, sick, stressed or depressed. All he seems to do is complain about his life all the time. He has no faith or hope anywhere in his body and he always says how he can't wait to die so he can rest. He works alot and has a physical job. On his days off all he does is sleep or play video games. Anything to exscape from reality I think. I try to get him to do date nights and family activities and its like pulling teeth. I feel he could be a better dad and husband but everytime I try to tell him that then I'm cruel, selfish and I have no respect. If I leave I have to move back to my hometown and start all over again with three kids and that's scary. I don't know what to do. He won't seek help or take meds. Its just too hard in a state where I have no support or friends and a husband who I feel is a walking dead person.
desertrose55 desertrose55
26-30, F
2 Responses May 19, 2012

I am in the same pleace and I went home for 6 months but I didnt tell what I did when I was there. I have no job, friends and my husband dont have a clue. On his days off all he do is lay around we have no little children but we dont have a life. In Aug it will be my 2nd yr of Marriage but I think Im going to call it quits because I am just out of place living in the South and I am from the North.

Wow! A tough call, but it sounds like you already answered your own question. I was married for 29 years and then had to restart life. We had both tried to hang on, but now as I look back, it would have been better earlier in life. No time is a good time. Pray and move forward.

Wells said HDS...reminded me of an old song "Sarah"..."no time is a good time for good bye"