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Original Plan Was To Wait Until 2014...i Dont Think I'm Going To Last

I've read several of these stories and knowing other women are in similar situations helps me cope. We just had our 8th anniversary (notice I stayed away from the word "celebrated ") The past 4 yrs have been challenging emotionally, physically and mentally. Let me be clear physically is from the standpoint of affection not because he hits me. He has approached me once and I told him he'd better kill me because if he touched me he would know he had been in a fight. My brothers taught me how to defend myself.

Lately he is working my nerves more frequently and I know that life has more to offer more than what he's giving me. I'm tired of journaling I cant deal with another therapist I'm at the point where I need to take action. I've asked myself why I haven't just left and the only reason is because I'm concerned about his well-being. His salary is significantly less than mine so he wouldn't be able to afford his own benefits and he doesn't contribute to his 401k plan. If I'm stupid for allowing this to be the reason Im holding on feel free to tell me.

He upset me this morning to the point I decided I needed a mental health day to get my thoughts together. My husband has given the most/best im going to get from him and it'sjust not enough for me. Im not looking to jump into another relationship and I'm thankful there is no one else in the picture right now to cloud my thoughts. I need to tell him today it's over but I know I will probably loose my nerve like I always do.

I'm open to any tips on how to deal with this now rather than later.

He's a good person he just sucks as a husband and he tries to please everyone but me.
inthedark2012 inthedark2012 46-50, F 4 Responses Aug 7, 2012

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Dont hang around any longer,you have tried,its failed,move on now before you leave it to late.

Thanks so much for your advice. I'm just trying to get my son out of high school first. He's aware of what is going on with me and his stepdad. My son is being heavily recruited right now for academic/sports scholarship and I'm not about to mess up his future by moving outside the school district. I can hang in there long enough to get him off to college in 2014.

Self flagellation isn't benefiting either of you. It's no longer even a resemblance of a marriage and you should acknowledge "Time served" and end this self imposed-life sentence.

You plainly feel hes inadequate and you've gone from priority to irrelevant in his world.So It not a question of Leaving him ..He Emotionally abandon you on the road of life He just hasn't progressed to being out of sight yet.

you apparently have resources and I suggest you use them Rent small space just big enough for you and only you.. as an Experiment rent a efficiency apt/storage space buy yourself some folding chairs and maybe something to cozy the place up and sit in that space and ask yourself

1. Am I more at home here alone than at home?

2.being just me am I enough myself to make me happy for now.

3. is this a safer ,more comfortable (mentally emotionally ,physically)without him?

4. If he came here how would that change ..and why?

5.can I honestly believe that I deserve to be in this relationship under these conditions?



I Believe after re-reading your post you'll come out of this with some much needed clarity if you step outside your married self and re-examine why you are where you are and what good you'll do for both of you when you start to chart your intended course.

oh and good luck were all behind you what ever you decide.

Thank you....still in this battle right now.

I agree with Mr. Energy...you do have to put yourself first. I stayed in a terrible marriage for way too long because I was more worried about him than I was about myself. The circumstances were very different, but the core issues were similar. I had no idea if I could 'make it' on my own, but I finally realized that living in a cardboard box under the local interstate would be better than spending one more day with him. Now, a year later, I'm fine...no, wait, I'm better than fine. :) Take care of yourself...it's the very best thing you can do!

It sounds like you need to put yourself first, for once, and move on. You have already been to counselling and nothing has become of it. Personally, I wouldn't allow his inabilities to earn a living to stop you from making a decision that could make you happy. He'll survive, and maybe even find a side job if necessary. Be brave, and speak you mind to him.