Don't Know What I Was Thinking.

When I married my husband in December 2010, we had only been dating for a year. Before that, I'd just gotten through a lot of emotional trauma. He was my ticket to freedom, late hours, drugs and beer. As our relationship progressed somehow marriage was decided. I don't remember how, I guess we just talked it over, but he never proposed or gave me a ring and we never took a honeymoon.
Now we have one 1 year old and a baby on the way, and I feel trapped with this man. He is a good friend but I don't know what I was thinking when I agreed to marry him. Let me list the reasons I want to leave...

- He is an alcoholic. Not the drink-a-six-pack-every-night kind - although when he does drink, he can't just have one, it's always the whole pack or whole bottle. I find them stashed away in the strangest places and until I am holding the bottle in front of his face he won't tell me the truth. He spends money we don't have on this habit, and he keeps saying he'll stop but I no longer believe he can. This has happened so many times that I've lost count. He never gets abusive but he gets very rude and arrogant and picks fights.
- He looks at pr0n. Now I know some women don't mind this habit, and some even join in, but to me it is equated with cheating. He lies about this also unless I have the browser history pulled up. I have found it on his computer more times than I'd like to recall.
- Not to sound like a snob, but he's stupid. He doesn't have his GED, and though he's agreed to take the classes, he really doesn't seem interested in it. I'm always the one to bring it up.
- He doesn't have his driver's license. I have to drive him everywhere which wastes gas. It's the same with this - he's agreed to take the classes but doesn't seem to care whether it happens or not.
- He's ten years older than me. Yes, yes, I knew this before I married him...but it sure makes the two previous facts a lot more pathetic.
- To be honest, he's gross. I know men aren't famous for their peachy scents, but is basic hygiene too much to ask? He doesn't wash his hands after going to the bathroom! I mean, WTF? I don't care so much if it's just a pee, but he NEVER does. Disgusting. Also, he farts (constantly), burps around my family (though he does say "excuse me"... around them anyway), scratches his nether regions in public, and picks his nose. He has a gross habit of waiting till we're in public to have to use the bathroom, and on three occasions has "sharted". A grown man should not have these problems, right?? Also, he is hairy EVERYWHERE, doesn't exercise so he's fat, he's balding (which I know he can't help) and he's pale (ditto). He rarely brushes his teeth so they're gross-looking and his breath usually smells. Lastly, the things he says are often gross. He seems to think everyone needs to know about his farting and his hairiness and other things like that which I wish he'd keep to himself. I am embarrassed for him every time he says these things but he doesn't seem to realize I (and probably everyone else) think it's gross.
- He also has a pill problem. He gets pills from his brother and usually doesn't tell me about it and/or lies. He's spent money we don't have on this habit.
- Speaking of money, one might think all this would be tolerable if he was rich as hell, but the fact is he works at a fast food restaurant and seems content to work there forever. He has NO drive and I suspect he only says he'll eventually go to college because I nag him about it. I have dreams and aspirations - he has none.
- He smokes. He has since we started dating, but he's said he would stop since I got pregnant, and almost two years later still hasn't. Lung cancer runs in my family and my babies' little systems are still developing.

I realize some of these things I knew before we married, but I didn't realize he'd be so opposed to changing for the better. I mean, isn't that a huge part of being married? Bettering yourself for the other person?

It wouldn't be fair to list only his bad qualities so let me list his good ones before I end this post.
- He is a hard worker. Though it is only at a fast food restaurant, he does his job as well as he can.
- He would never have an affair. This I know.
- He loves his son and future daughter.
- He isn't abusive.
- He is funny (a large part of why I think I fell for him originally).

So I guess what I'm asking for here is affirmation that I'm not just a shallow b*tch and that my reasons for wanting to leave are valid ones. Remember, it's not just me I have to look out for. There's also my two babies.

Thanks for reading (and hopefully commenting). Sorry so long, and for any typos - Kindle keyboards are the worst. I fixed any that I noticed.
GunpowderTreason GunpowderTreason
3 Responses Nov 11, 2012

Move on. This isn't love so you aren't being fair to yourself or to him. This is not your home. Plan well and get out fast! You can do it!

to be honest, just the lack of hygiene would be a relationship killer for me... best wishes.

what in the hell are you doing with this person..., and don't turn around