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I Don't Know What To Do

I still love my husband but I cannot tolerate his behavior anymore. He loses his cool over the stupid things, and doesn't seem to actually care about the important ones. He has the mentality of a nine year old and I just don't want to be around him anymore. He refuses to talk about problems and just leaves me to fret about it, I feel like I'm dying on the inside. He counts on my heavily to do all of the housework and take care of the dogs, while trying to work from home and he still sees fit to throw it in my face that he has to work all day. I want to leave but I am not independent enough to do so, I don't have a car or an active drivers license, I don't have any money that isn't also his. He wont pay for counseling or even pick up a book on anger management.
He has me in a trap, what am I supposed to do?
brokencrown brokencrown 26-30, F 2 Responses Dec 8, 2012

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<p>&nbsp;<p>I feel like I am married to the same man. 8 years. He's emotionally draining. He's a drama queen, and a hypocrite, and most of the time I can't even stand him. He's said it all to me-- the things people never say to each other, but he has to me, and it hurts. </p><p>But I found I have become more like him over the years, despite my disdain. I sometimes even feel our roles starting to switch, I'm the mean and horrible one to him sometimes, and he's passive and agreeable, to my surprise. But just when I think I have the upperhand, he'll have another of his typical tantrums, and it reminds me that I'll never have that ability; to explode in his manner, and he'll never be able to control his emotions the way I can.</p><p>I wanted us to build our lives together, toward our goals and dreams, but lately I think we don't even have that in common anymore. He never wants to do a thing. We have isolated ourselves in this house, and I take care of the kids while he's working. My parents died when I was in my teens, so all I have are my kids and him, literally. No other family, except far away, and they avoid me as much as I avoid them; who knows why. </p><p>That feeling you mentioned, about feeling dead on the inside, well it's not just a feeling-- it's actually what's happening, in a couple of years, if you stay with him, you won't even have those passions anymore, they'll be dead, and nothing replaces it, just depression, resentment, and age. I walk the kids to school every morning, because he uses the van to get to work. I should really be working, we need more money, but the cost of daycare isn't worth the minimum wage options I face. Getting married and having kids really fxcked my life up. But not for him, he get's to work, interact with other adults, grow a pension... me I get to cook, clean, wipe assxs, fold never ending loads of laundry for free, and then and the end of who knows which day, have him yell in my face if I didn't do everything perfectly, or if he just had a bad fxcking day!</p><p>All those romantic pieces of shxt movies, and this shxtty patriarchal society.</p><p></p>

Do you live in an area where you can take the bus or train etc? if so I'd go out and find a job even if it's part time this way you have your own money and get a break away from him to sort things out. It's important you have your own life do things that make you happy instead of worrying about how he acts, it's not your fault. Try talking to him again maybe he will try to change but in the meantime GO DO SOMETHING FOR YOU!

I

We had a talk and we are going into therapy. It's important to me that I don't just give up. He is not abusive so the situation is not urgent. I agree I need to work on my independent situation anyway so I am going to do that. Thank you for the advice.

That's great news things will get better hang in there!