I am 25 years old and have been married to my husband for five years. We dated for about 9 months before he proposed, and were married about 4 months later. We have no children. We started out infatuated and definitely had a case of puppy love... Unfortunately I feel he misrepresented himself to me from the start. I was raised in an extremely strict religious home, lived at home until my wedding day. I was a virgin up until about 2 months before our wedding. He was also a virgin. I was innocent as a lamb never drank, smoked or anything like that, in fact I was a Sunday school teacher!!! Hubby and I were in college and decided to marry rather than wait because we felt like we were so happy together why would we put off what makes us happy and live apart and possibly lose touch date other people and lose each other for good?? Sounds good right? Well, after about 2 weeks of being married, I was put on his back burner. He spent the majority of his time with with his friends or doing hobbies like reloading ammunition (into hunting). I was always invited to hang out with the boys but if I didn't want to go I was not missed and never were my requests for dates or alone time taken seriously he always makes me feel like i am needy and unreasonable. He seemed to feel like weekend mornings (if that he sleeps till 12) should be enough and I was a nagging little *****. Fast forward five years he put me through dental hygiene school and now I am working to put him through school. He says he wants to be a dentist but is wishy washy when it comes to motivation, he has failed classes required to enter school and has to retake them. He worked 7 days a week for about 4 months while I was in school purely because he wanted to and never ceases to hold this over my head, I work 50 hours or so a week and make double what he made at the time. He still hangs out with friends more than me and speaks to me with contempt (yells, degrades) when I do get any attention, he is in essence, a self absorbed *****. I am frustrated with his behavior and feel so relieved that we don't have children at this point because I can guarantee that I would be akin to a single mom while he ran around drinking, Workin out and playin Xbox with his little friends. I feel like I am a successful professional and am doubtful whether he has what it takes to succeed in his goals. We rarely have sex (around 3-4 time a month) and are not particularly interested in each other. I feel bored an alone and trapped. Judgement from family, friends, and possibly losing someone who may have been the best there was for me is a little terrifying. I feel like I can't talk to people about this, I've briefly touched on it with my mom but she loves him (he pretends to dote on me around my parents). We look happy to family but fronds have seen the underlying problems. I would be financially fine if i left him but after so much time should I? He doesn't make me happy and always says it wouldn't matter what he did , I still wouldn't be happy because I am a sad loner pessimistic person.
An Ep User An EP User
2 Responses Jan 10, 2013

Leave while you are still young and there are no kids! It seems to me that you can take care of yourself. Don't let him make you feel bad about yourself.

Your situation sounds almost identical to mine...except I have a two year old daughter. I feel for you. I, too, do not know what to do. I have been married for three years and feel trapped, especially since we have a child together. If you need to talk, I'd be willing to listen!

Me too :( I have a two year old girl and it breaks my heart every time my husband blows up at me in her presence. I could really use a friend to talk with but there is no one close enough to lean on and disclose my unhappiness so maybe with strangers its easier. I have no idea how to go about leaving someone whom I've shared a life and my heart with for 12 years (6 married), you promised to yourself and everyone at that wedding ceremony that you would take care of this person in good times and bad times, sickness and health. Someone should really incorporate a pre-marriage course for women on how to suppress your feelings and dreams cuz once your married thats it folks! How do you deal with someone who can't compromise, is always right, has difficulties sharing living space, can't keep promises if his life depended on it, is always the victim in any argument, can not actually follow any of his own rules but expects everyone else to (double standards), is nice and attentive to you in public but behind closed doors.... sundendly they're unable to speak to you without contempt or irritability like your some kind of annoying subbordinate. I'm at work all day and he's a seasonal worker so most of the year is spent at home and still he's too busy to complete any of his "projects" or help me keep the house in some kind of order above being a pigsty. He is very good to my little girl as I have yet to withness any negative behaviour directed at her. As a life partner? not even close. I never really thought it was possible but you can actually be more lonely in a relationship than to be single. He's not physically abusive, he's not an addict, he doesn't call me names, but yet I walk around on eggshells around him. I'm uncomfortable and filled with so much anxiety at trying to meet his unattainable expectations and I keep my feelings and tears bottled up just to keep the peace between us for my poor little one. I cringe when he touches me, its like being touched inappropriately by a stranger... I use to feel butterflies but now it just feels wrong. I can't remember the last time I had a holiday where I didn't end up crying because of something i did or didn't do as per the way he likes it, wants it, needs it. I'm worried that if I stay it will have a lasting effect on my little girl as if by suppressing myself to keep us together it translates to its ok for a man to treat you like a second class citizen in your own home :(