Dont Want to Stay/afraid to Go

i have been married for almost 12 years.  my husband is my best friend and takes good care of me.  i don't want to be married to my best friend, i want to have a husband.  our relationship is summed up in two words, "why bother".  he gets mad at me and holds it in,  why bother say anything.  i live in a sexless marriage and used to try and get him aroused but now it's why bother.  i am not appreciated for anything i do (and i don't do much), he says why bother, you are doing what you are supposed to do. 

i am bi-polar and am pretty uncapable of taking care of myself for the most part.  it was really rough the for about 5 years with my illness.  but i have been doing well for almost 2 years and think i could do better if i am on my own.  but i am afraid i can't.  i am afraid i will get sick again.  i am afraid i will be alone forever.  i wouldn't wish my life on anyone. 

i told him i was leaving and he brought up all my doubts about living on my own.  he thinks even if we do split he will end up still taking care of me.

he is my only friend, but i think he is also an enabler and my worst enemy.  i put myself on a list for low-income housing, because of my illness i am not capable of working full-time or at a job with any stress.  i have a job now and i have kept in for 6 months.  a new record and i am doing very well with it.

i am just waiting until i am notified of an opening then i will be forced to make a decision.  i hope it is the right one and for the right reasons.


sunnyblues sunnyblues
4 Responses Aug 30, 2008

If you say you "might" cope on your own, well then you know you will. Me divorced for nearly 20 years, 3 short term relationships and yes ... love being on my own. Alone, but never lonely. That me, myself, I time, is crucial for one's self perseverance. Even married couples need that "my" time.

i want to cry for you. i totally undersatand i am on depression pills and have insomnia and on top of all that im addicted to methadone. and dont let me forget my two children who i love more than anything in the world, and then theres my husband....... he tells me no one cares about me and no one would ever help me do anything and if i leave i acn leave with what i came into the trelationship with......NOTHING!!!!!!!!!! everything we have is in his parents name and i want to leave we have no bank account and i have no vehicle or money nore a place for my children to live i nedd money.... fast money

I was there 2 years ago! My coach said "What are you doing that is causing this breech in your relationship?" I was SURE he was wrong; but I decided to try working on ME! 2 months later, unprompted, he started working on HIM. Life is so GRAND and SEX so exciting again I now coach others like you......<br />
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I hope you ahven't given up even if this was written a year ago:)<br />
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Remember, if you're willing to do only what's easy life will get harder and harder but if you're willing to do what's hard to make this relationship work it life WILL get easier and easier....I'm sure. It WILL all be worth it!

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