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I Need More Than He Can Give

I married a good man who is not a good husband.

To make a long story short, he loves his farm, dad, and factory job more than me.  I am so hurt that he always chooses other people and things over me.  I get to be the scapegoat with his family if we ever make an unpopular decision.  It hurts a lot.

We have been married 11 years and I've been sad the whole time.  I was too stubborn to give up.  In the beginning of our marriage, we decided that I would stay home because we wanted children right away.  Well, that never happened and he never was keen on the idea of me working outside the home.

Now that I really want to go, I'm kind of stuck.  I need the health insurance because I'm diabetic and I have been out of the mainstream work force for 11 years now.  I do some writing from home, but it's not at an income level to support myself.

I don't know what I'm going to if anything.  I want to leave, but don't know if I can.

 

JustLoveMe JustLoveMe 46-50, F 12 Responses Apr 2, 2009

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THere is negative intimacy. Communication is .............................. I dont desire to be with him. I am in the church but he is not. It is a very difficult thing for me. i think of our children but I know we will survive but at what cost. I do know I cant stay here. Is it wrong for me to desire my husband to wnat to be with me. Is it wrong for me to hurt when he says what he does or explodes in anger when he does not like dealing with the issues. Someoen to love me unconditionally..

W0w this is where I am. Been married for 16 years. 2010 i left him.2 weeks before a year of separation we decided to try again. but now a year and a half being back home. we are right back where we were but worse. I got tired for the throwing stuff up in my face and him playing the blame game. Tired not getting the affection I needed without begging for it.I have made my share of mistakes but I have repented and he says he forgave but still throws it up in my face each time he gets angry. Anytime I mention needed to discuss underlying issues he goes into a rage and the blame game starts over again. I am constantly told that he was doing better before the kids and I moved back home. and he doesnt want to be the husband I need him to be. when I mention the issues he says what are you going to do leave again. Counseling is not an option. he goes in defensive and it always end up being the blame game. I have an older daughter from before marriage 20 and we have two children 15 and 13. I am at a loss at to how to get out. I am employed full time with insurance. He carries the children on his insurance. so that is not a real issue I just wont have double coverage. when I left before. he came to my job took my car without telling me. left me stranded. Iw as able to get my own car in my name and not worry about him or anyone else leaving me stranded. Our home is in his name only. His cars are in his name. and My car in my name. The only thing we share in name is land and car insurance. But I still have to save money and find somewhere reasonable distance from work and school. I still need advice. I am at a loss..

I have been married now for 20 years, i stay with my husband for the same reason's, i am afraid to be alone...and my daughter needs to be in her family, i feel like it would be selfish of me to leave while she is still in high school. My husband never shows us love& always swears at us and puts my daughter down alot, but she will not think of leaving her father ?? i also have health problems and can't work..I am so unhappy :( Each day is a struggle to smile :(

mgtour,<br />
<br />
I'm working on creating my own income flow so I can afford the things I want and need. That's my plan just in case Prince Charming gets lost or something. <br />
<br />
Seriously though, I know I have to be focused and positive. It's my life and nothing can be changed if I don't make the effort.

Well I have heard stuck before, but that's a toughy. Health insurace...wretch. I really don't know what to say on that one. Other than I wish you the best. Maybe you could meet a canadian guy? lol. I am sure it will work out for you, just try and stay positive.

It is coming to that miamilivre. I've had about all I can take from him.

It is rotten and I still haven't found my courage to go. I'm very afraid of being alone.

It's rotten to be in such a predicament.

i agree and have the same problems.......my husband cheated on me and i don't think i'll ever get over that....i have a 17 yr old son and an 8 yr old son.....i have no money...nobody that i can stay with to help me get out on my own, so i stay...........

well i'm also in the same boat, want to leave, very unhappy, but two young children, been out of the workforce, health issues. it's a catch 22 i guess. i will be sure to let my girls know that who they marry is so important and what they become themselves is even more important.

Wow! I feel like I'm home. This place is closer to what's going on w/me than the "I'm a Woman In A Sexless Marriage" group.<br />
<br />
(((hugs))) to each of you here who stay for any number of reasons while trying to work up the gumption to leave. May we all eventually find happiness!

I know exactly where you are coming from as i feel this way i want to split up as my son of 9 and i are totally unhappy but my son does not want to leave his home. I have been in an unhappy marriage for 15 years and it is such a lonely unhappy life but like you scared to make that move, as i could not afford to be on my own as i do not work because of my health as well. What do we do???