Do I Really Know What I Want?

Do I really know what I want? No, I am so lost. I never even thought I would get married. I was always the girl who didn't want marriage or kids. (I don't have kids yet.) Somehow I managed to get married, and we are discussing children. My problem is that one day I will love my life very much, but the next I don't. It's more often than not that I think to myself: "I could do better, I deserve better, I want more than this and I know I can get more if I just move on." I'm just not happy alot of the time, i'm actually lonely and bored. I'm finding that I like to drink because it makes me feel better. I recently told my husband this, and he took it rather well. We are working on some stuff to try and change where our marriage is heading. In all honesty, I don't want it to work, but I don't want to be the one to break it off. We are talking Divorce here, and I don't like that. On these days I can't see a future w/ us togather.

 

On the good days i'm so happy. I look at him and I'm prould to be married to such a talented musician with faith in his soul. He is a great guy, and worships the earth I walk on, and he would make the most awesome father. He is seriously the defination of a family man. (sometimes I feel like that's the only attraction I have for him.) On these days I can picture a beautiful future for us.

 

I'm sooooo confused. What feeling should I listen too?

 

                                                                                                                              xxxx

 

                                                                                                                              

confused0420 confused0420
22-25, F
4 Responses Mar 13, 2010

We talked about everything. I told him exactly how I felt and that I was going to leave him and do my own thing. Well because I do love him I let him convince me not to leave. Than the opportunity came to move to California and we did it. It was my idea and I'm so glad we are here But now I want to leave him even more. I can't stand him especially when he's being nice to me. Am I a masochistic? It's almost as if I enjoy the pain this resentment causes. I can't even have sex with him anymore. He SUCKS at it. He always told me it would get better once we got married. He's a Jehovah Witness. I think that is why I married him because I didn't want him to go through the embarrassment when his family would come over and see us together. I didn't even get the wedding I wanted. Everything about our life together is wrong. WTF was I thinking I always mess up my life like this. Why do I have to make everything so difficult? How do you tell someone you want to leave them before it goes any further. How are we going to do this. He's the maintenance guy and I am the manager.

Very similar situation. We've been married for 17 years, he's a great guy. Sometimes we have problems and we have been in counselling, and I think we could fix our problems, but I don't really care anymore. I feel like I just want to be on my own and see other guys. I decided to give it to the end of summer because we have family stuff and travel plans, but honestly I just can't wait.

You are with him still not because you want to be but because you think you should be... he's ideal good guy, but maybe not the guy for you... I am in the same exact situation... With a guy who's good, but has issues... I don't want to stay, but don't know if I should leave... Its my analyzing side... I am very analytical...

it is a good thing that their are no children involved yet, as children complicate the situation. mabie you should just take some time out, get away for a while without your better half and think about what you need as a woman, i know it is hard because i feel the same way about by husband, the only diffrence is we have two children. but if you truly dont know what you want, some time away could do you the world of good, have a tast of life without him in it, and decide if you need him in you life, i hope this helps x