I Want To Do Just The Same

I have been with my husband for 8 years now.  2 years into our relationship I got pregnant and we had our son.  About a year ago, we finally got married, but it was done for the wrong reasons.

I have been miserable and depressed for years, letting him know I want nothing more to do with this relationship.  I want to see other people, I want to get away, I want to have friends and have nothing to do with him anymore, but it's impossible.  I feel trapped because of our son, and I feel like no one cares anymore. 

My so-called friends don't care to spend time with me unless they have some other agenda or need something.  I desperately need, just once in a while, for someone to ask ME "hey, wanna hang out tonight" or "lets go grab a drink" or anything like that and it's been practically since I met my husband that my life has been like this.  Even though everyone knows our marriage is in shambles, no one will even throw me a bone.  Give me a chance to get out of the house just to have a good time and get my mind off my crap life.  When we do go out, I end up babysitting **** drunk "friends" and holding back ponytails in the bathroom.

I don't know what to do anymore.  I want to just die most of the time, but wouldn't hurt myself because I know the "pain" it'll bring to my family (who also don't live near me since my husband took me away from my hometown where they all are and who don't bother to even ask ever how things are going.)

I'm so done with everything, but all I can do is wake up in the morning, go to work for 8 hours, come home and put up with the **** I have to put up with here and then cry myself to sleep, rinse and repeat.  The weekend comes along and it should be a nice feeling to have a few days off, but knowing I'm gonna end up with my husband and kid in hell makes me wish I worked 7 days a week.

HateThisLife010 HateThisLife010
26-30, F
4 Responses Mar 12, 2010

Welcome to my life you should text me 3053191808

i am sorry for what you are going threw i am not married so i cant give the best advise but the only thing i can tell you is if your not happy leave him go back to your family and your home town you deserve to be happy as well not to babysit and be alone get away go back home like people say theirs no place like home i am sure your family will be happy your back especially with your son

Hi hatethislife.I:m sorry if my last comment was a bit harsh.I really cant talk.I have been miserable for years as well.My husband did the same to me he left me continually to raise our 5 kids always running to his mum or off to chase his dreams of making big money.This went on for 7yrs before I woke up one morning and overheard him bitching on the phone about me to his mum.That is when I made the decision that I could do this no more.I moved to a new house for a fresh start but being catholic I couldnt file for divorce so we just stayed friends as my eldest boy wanted to live with his dad.Then I met a man I fell madly in love with and we became an item.I still could not divorce my husband and i explained this to my new partner.Over the years he exposed me to domestic violence nearly killing me once,he drank and was very abusive,then I gave him an ultimation.The grog or the family.He chose us and hasnt drunk since but there was no happy ever after.Instead it became emotional abuse but because I loved him I kept saying things will get better.It never did.when he bothered to work he only gave me $50 a weel for board and kept the rest himself.I paid all the bills,supplied the food.cooked,cleaned and supplied his manly needs.Always I kept thinking one day it will get better but as the yrs passed it didnt.When my husband had a heart attack 4yrs ago I was shattered as over the years he had finally become my best friend.He was the only person I had to talk too.Then 2yrs after Paul died I asked Jim if he was going to marry me.He said no.I was like WHAT I just gave you 20yrs of my life and now you wont marry me.Being catholic this made me very angry and bitter.Now he is dying from emphysymia and just sits in his room all day.I now have to be his nurse til he dies as well.Dont be like me hun.I have spent my whole life waiting for things to get better and the reality is they are never going to.I am trapped.Please listen to me and imagine yourself in your old age.Lonely with no friends just your kids.I would die 2morro if I could chose to but I cant.You are young enough to do something.Make that break not for him but for you.Being alone is no fun at all.The only friends I have are on facebook and I hate my life too.I cant escape,you can.think about it,you only get one chance in this life and I hate to imagine anyone as unhappy as me.<3 <3 <3

Similar, very similar. Work is such sweet sweet escape.