I'm Struggling To Get Out Of Suffering...

I grew up bullied everyday since first grade and just recently this past year and a half have I fully started standing up and holding ground for myself. When I think about it and how I just wanted so badly to disappear, I begin to relive it inside my mind and when its over... I find myself in a different room or place then I remembered. It's kinda weird, but it also seems not too big a deal and I just try to shrug it off like nothing. I don't know why I just can't let myself breathe and take a step forward... it's almost like there's a whole dump-yard of keys, just millions upon millions of keys, and I keep trying each one I pick up to open the shackles around my hands and feet, but none so far have worked. Like, as if I enjoy the torment and suffering and I keep self-inflicting myself, even when everything's okay, I'm too stubborn to let go and forgive ALL of it. Even the stuff that has no connection to the bullying. It's so stupid and I hate myself for it. I just really want peace, just once, let me have peace.
StrongHeart937 StrongHeart937
18-21, F
1 Response Jul 12, 2010

Try and find a mental health counselor to talk with, it really help me.