People Don't Realize

People don't realize just how alone I feel inside when battling the darkness of depression.  The hopelessness, despair, sadness and inability to make even the smallest decision are sometimes too much too take so I withdraw completely into myself instead.  People and things that I use to find pleasure in provide nothing positive for me anymore at all.

I've been hurt so bad, so many times, and by so many people, that I don't know if I will ever be able to recover.  And that is the scarriest part of all!

I've been off work now for a few years, due to many complications with my health - physical & mental.  I want to get better!  I'm so tired of being tired.  I'm so tired of being ill.  I just want to wake up tomorrow & feel good again.  Alive!

Since I'm not working it leaves me with very little social interaction which in turn leaves me quite isolated and lonely.  It's a vicious circle. 

I don't wish this on anyone.  I wish beauty, love & health for everyone, and for me too!

PiscesDream

PiscesDream PiscesDream
51-55, F
7 Responses Apr 12, 2007

hey mate
i can relate what u are saying ....
have faith in god ........and act
act towards act ...act .......start with small things ...... and move on .....i know its really tough but nobody would cure ur life except u .......

hello, I understand about being tired of tired. I was always so very active. The w/c tires me in ways most people could'nt even begin to imagine. I now have to lay down in my bed every afternoon because my back is tired(to say nothing of my arse). Sometimes I just want to lay my head down and cry my eyes out. Fortunately I know thats not going to change anything and so I go forth.

I feel this way too. With my impending divorce, I just feel even more hopeless. I'm so depressed I've gotten my days and nights confused. SO I sleep all day and stay up all night. I'm attempting to reverse that. If I can get and keep a job, i will be able to afford my medicine (hopefully) and can reduce the extent to which I am depressed. But my depression keeps me from going to get an application to anywhere, and when I do makes up excuses of why I'm not good enough. Every joint in my body hurts. I just want to feel my age, and not my grandmother's age.

you are such a beautiful personality! and who knows, maybe your future will smile to you again,<br />
majority of women batlle with depression, loneliness, feelin of isolation, so you are not alone.<br />
<br />
Try to spend some time outdoor in nature (Mountains, lake, etc) if you can<br />
or maybe taking some yoga classes....it really helps<br />
Also, read some spiritual books.<br />
<br />
I wish you all the best from heart :)

I am so grateful for all of your support and for sharing your experiences with me. I, in return want to give you my hope. It does get better. I have struggled for many many many moons and I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. It's pouring in. For me, not only did I have depression, but I was also an alcoholic. Alcohol is a depressant, and I was in denial for a long time. I have since begun a new way of thinking with a clarity of mind that I've never had before. I am truly blessed. It was a last resort, but the one thing I could not see. Alcohol was the one factor that was always present, but I didn't know. I didn't know that I didn't know. I am so grateful for Alcoholics Anonymous for helping me quit drinking. I could not have done it alone. I didn't have the strength. I'm so very grateful to the program of AA for the fellowship, the love, the support and the tools for recovery. It's a journey and it all started with a book on Cd by Louise Hay wherein she teaches us to love ourselves and by beggining to love myself I was able to see that alcohol was not loving myself. I feel healthier everyday. It's all about changing our thoughts and taking care of ourselves and loving ourselves NO MATTER WHAT! It's truly a miracle. It's about gratitude for the things we have and accepting that life is hard, but we have all the tools we need within and blessing our circumstances good or bad they are their FOR us. I am grateful for all of you and pray that you will find what you need. Have patience with yourself and go easy on yourself. I finally found acceptance. I accept myself exactly the way I am, faults and all. It has really made a difference in my life. A great difference. I am responsible! I am blessed!

Your story really touched me personally, PisciesDream. I am currently battling depression and an illness. I cannot work due to my illness, and I have been going through the grief process.<br />
<br />
I have little to no social interaction and the thing that sucks the most is I really miss being able to have friends, even acquaintances! People think you're some anti-social introvert when in reality you just don't feel good enough emotionally or physically to respond.<br />
<br />
I too feel the feeling of being wounded. Having been hurt so many times you feel that you can't trust anyone. I am going through a major breakup, in which I have lost my job, my money, and my heart.<br />
<br />
What's left of my heart really reaches out to you, hun. Thank you so much for sharing your story!

Thank you UC. You are truly a sweet heart! I'm glad you're in my corner.<br />
<br />
Hugs,