Square Peg - Round Hole

Where did time go? I woke up and I'm almost 28. I'm looking around at the things I'm doing and I don't want any of them...College? I never wanted to go to college. Now I'm thousands more dollars in debt, stressed to the max, and working a job I hate. I don't even know who I am anymore. I feel like I used to know myself. I used to dabble in things like writing and painting. Now I make sure the house is clean and dogs a fed. Make sure the bills are paid. Get the groceries. Life has become a to do list. I used to have faith.....that's long gone. I don't enjoy anything. The only time I'm happy is when my brain is off and I'm cuddled up to my boyfriend who says he loves me but I still have my doubts after 2 years of living together. The worst is nothing is bad but nothing is good either. I've become mediocre...I used to be fun....am I just getting old? Or am I just that jaded? I try to remember what I liked......I can't. I can't remember the last time I wasn't taking care of someone. I have the 3 bedroom house on the hill, 2 dogs and a cat, go to school, work the job I hate. Nothing bad. Nothing good. It's Friday night and my boyfriend is out after working his two jobs.....just like every weekend. He doesn't want to even be around me anymore, yet can't understand what's wrong. I'm not the housewife kind of woman.........yet here I am playing a role I'm not suited for. I just want to jump in a van, light a smoke, and count the miles as they pass. No destination, no schedule, no reservations. I feel like my soul is standing there waiting for me to go....but I've gone in the past and it was fun but didn't financially make sense. Now I'm getting a business degree, managing an office and a household. Meanwhile the man I love does all the fun amazing things I would like to. and friends? Where did they go? They all moved or are tied down with kids. They are as miserable in their perfect lives as I am. Responsibility has become the oppression of my soul.
MontanaWoman MontanaWoman
Jan 11, 2013