Again? Have I Ever Really Lived?

I'm in a bad way, I feel.  First off, I'm a very "spiritual person", in that, I mean that I"m  someone who believes  in good over evil.  I believe that the golden rule is the most important rule to live by, just about.  I do not, however have religious affiliation, the reason being is that I also believe that it is wrong of anyone to discount another person's beliefs on what is God, and that there really can't be a definate answer; for one can always be wrong.. the chance is always there that I am wrong.  That said, I really have a tough time with the attitudes and hatreds that exist amongst so many people today.  Wars to me are senseless.  I guess all these things, along with a great number of insecurities about myself (stemming mostly from my childhood) have led me to have led a life of "escapism".  Wanting to escape, and to feel good... I became a drug user at an earlier age and have remained one for all but about 1 year of my entire life.  I feel my escapism started at the age of about 4, actually.  Illegal drugs entered about the age of 13 and are still a problem to this day.  I hate the fact that I'm an addict.  What's more, I hate living a lie, for I feel I'm a very honest person.  Drug addicts do live a lie though.  So yeah,  I want to live. Nothing I'd like better than to actually "live", here.
Sarkoloff Sarkoloff
41-45, M
Jun 1, 2007