Rewind Please

i simply want to go back and change that cold night in february 2004.  i am in dire need of a time machine, please!

although i realize i'm a much better person these days and that many positive things have come my way as a result of that night, i sincerely miss my old life.  there are days i ache for it.  there are days i want nothing more than to go back and redo it.

i want to be able bodied again.  i want to run and not take it for granted, enjoying it thoroughly rather than looking at it as a necessity to maintaining my figure.  i want to walk long distances without limping, swelling and worrying i'm not going to make it to my destination.  i want to be able to travel again without the worries i now have.  i want to be able to go to work again.  there are so many things i wish i could go back and enjoy, looking at them in a different light then i previously viewed them.

even if i couldn't go back and redo it, changing the event that transpired, i'd like to go back at the very least just to enjoy the pain free, effortless movement of my body for an hour or two, even a few minutes would be lovely.  then again this could make my desire that much worse.

the lessons i've since learned, would i have learned them had it not happened?  eventually i would, right?  would i ever be the more evolved human that i am now had it not happened?  surely some day i would be, right?  not necessarily i suppose and perhaps that's the silver lining?  it's possible i will never know.


AbbyNormal AbbyNormal
31-35, F
5 Responses Jun 29, 2007

if it helps, it helps and i'm good with that, cel! ;-)

it's a simple matter of physics if you ask me. somewhat like, "what goes up must come down" or that of inertia, "for every action there is and equal and opposite reaction." there is a cost for everything, absolutely everything without a doubt. sometimes it's C.O.D. and sometimes we pay up front before delivery, sometimes it's a payment plan. we can be certain, however, that the cost to benefit ratio is usually balanced. once we realize this and begin to move forward minus the self pitying attitude we are more able to see our own gifts, talents, and rewards. at least this is my perspective. it wasn't always and it took a major trauma to come to this line of thinking but i've not been able to prove it wrong and because of that i now happily 'pay' for the 'rewards' life will surely offer.

Your attitude is inspiring. I can tell you that for me - nothing in life is free. My Manic Depression turned my life into a nightmare - I wondered - why me? Now I know the answer is - Why not? The illness nearly killed me - but - it also turned me into the person I am today - and that is a wonderful thing. People don't change unless they have to. Without my battle with this illness, I would not have evolved. It turned out to be a gift - pretty bad wrapping paper - but a gift all the same. Blessings to you.

Good luck, constant. you seem like a determined person, and I am sure that you can live your life to the fullest.

You should be highly commended for being still savouring the sweet and bitter fruits of life. I guess its only after a "tragedy" do most us realise the err of our ways and try to self-edify. I hope your pain lessons with each passing moment.