My Story So Far

I always knew deep down inside that I was a woman trapped in a man's body. I always wanted to be a girl and would only associate with girls when I was young. We would play dress up and I always had them dress me as a girl. I got older, but the feelings never went away. I told my mother how I felt when I was around 13. She freaked out and threatened to have me hospitalized. I became ashamed and buried my feelings away, living out a miserable life as a boy until I went to college. I tried to fit into a normal male life, and I even met a girl and I thought I was in love. We became serious enough to live together after college and I thought I was finally settling down.

My life changed a little over 3 years ago when my girlfriend and I were to attend a Halloween party. I let her decide the costumes since she was into Halloween a lot. She told me she wanted us to go as John McCain and Sarah Palin for laughs. I told her that it was OK, but I thought to myself that it was kind of dumb. My girlfriend was on the heavier side and I was fairly thin and not much taller than her. She then told me that she was going to be McCain and I was going to be Palin. I immediately went into the "I'm not dressing as a woman" routine. Inside all those old feelings bubbled up again. I got excited by the idea. I "reluctantly" agreed to it and she told me that she would take care of the costumes. To make a long story short, she dressed me up in a woman's skirt suit and had a wig that was done up like Palin always wore it. She wanted me to wear heels but I couldn't get used to wearing them (much to my inner chagrin) so she ended up having me wear flats. She did my makeup and hers and we actually looked a lot like them, thanks to the fact that my girlfriend was a theater major in college and did makeup and costumes for a local theater.

I can't begin to describe how wonderful it felt to walk around the party in a skirt and blouse. I was so happy inside that I wanted to burst. We were the hit of the party. Sadly, the party had to end and I had to undress, which left me feeling empty inside. Over the next few weeks, all my old feelings began to resurface. I couldn't stop feeling it and I finally decided to act on it. I started buying things over the internet, using a post office box to retrieve them without the girlfriend knowing. Any time she was away I would break out my secret stash and dress to my hearts content. I started reading up more on transgenderism and now felt that I was definitely a transgeder female. My relationship with my girlfriend started to suffer and we were no longer intimate. She suggested, after around 3 months of growing apart, that we attend a couples retreat. I agreed to it and got the time off work to attend.

My girlfriend was working the night before we were to leave and I thought that I would dress up one last time before I went. I put on a lacy white and pink bustier and matching panty, some white stockings and pink strappy sandals with about a 4 inch heel (I had become quite used to walking in heels with practice). I applied my makeup and put on a long brunette wig to finish. I was in heaven walking around the apartment, hearing my heels click on the kitchen floor. I felt at ease and comfortable dressed as I was. So at ease that I didn't hear the front door open. I had my back to her as she yelled "Who the **** are you!" I froze in shock at first, but then a calm came over me. I turned to face her. The shock was now on her as she started yelling at me, calling me every name in the book. I stood there taking the abuse until she said she was going to tell my parents. I then went off on her, calling her names and she stormed out the apartment. I sat for a few min. stunned and then I realized that I had to take action. I looked in the mirror and smiled. I was now out of the closet and I had to make a choice. I called my mother and told her everything. I told her that I was transgender and I wanted to become a woman. I had been thinking about it for a while and I now felt liberated by saying it. My mother went into hysterics but I held my ground. She hung up on me and obviously called my father who called me and threatened me into changing. I told him he had to accept me or lose me and he hung up. I sat down and let everything sink in. I slept on it and knew I made the right choice. I called a therapist and began sessions that have ended up me finally becoming the woman I am.