So So So Flipping Bored

One would think that being in your twenties is one of the most exciting moments in ones life. You gain your independence, you find yourself, your still allowed to be care free and naive to some degree and most importantly you really start to have fun. So whats my problem you ask? Well frankly I'm bored and lonely as hell! Me being a 22 year old African American female you would think that I'm out painting the town red with all my home girls but instead I'm in my house painting my toes red by myself.for some reason i don't have to many friend, i was never really popular in school or at work or on earth,but i was never bothered by my social statues. Now that I've graduated i find that i spend most of my time alone, or in the company of someone that I'm not completely interested in whether it be romantically or friendly- just to escape boredom. I'm not socially awkward, I'm easy to get along with, laid back understanding and down for whatever but I'm never the person that people call to go out with. Sometimes i find myself getting a little upset when i get the early shift at work on the weekend because it means that ill be off work and have the majority of the day to do whatever i want. Unfortunately i never have anything to do and i feel some what obligated to do something and guilty and depressed when the end result is me just sitting in my house. Hang out with the friends that I do have you say? Well lets see. I have a childhood best friend that would be cool to chill with but shes out of state at school and honestly we've grown apart a little (we still keep in-touch). Same goes for another friend of mine. I have another "friend" who lives near by but shes not really interested in anything that doesn't involve smoking weed,which i do not partake in anymore and haven't for some years now. I would go to her house to visit and we would just sit around,talk a little and just when i think that my hair has sponged up all the cigarette smoke in the air, one or all of her cousins would come and they would commence the cypher. They start passing around the blunt, every so often accidentally trying to pass it to me- forgetting that i don't smoke. Sometimes we would go to the movies or get something to eat but after a while what seems like some kind of withdrawal kicking in she would catch a hint of an attitude and make it very apparent that shes ready to go home. Everyone else has babies and no time or money. Now my current best friend she has a young child and lives two hours away but she comes to see "me" and i go and see he from time to time. The only problem we have now is that shes having an affair with someone that lives in my area, and they love each other. As you can imagine we argue alot about this subject because she spends most of her time with him, she drops her stuff off at my house spend like 4 hours with me and then shes skipping to his house. I dont see her for the duration of her "stay" until she comes back to my house when her boyfriend is ready to take her back,pretending as if she was there the whole time, sometimes i dont even see her then. That subject alone is a storie in its self but im sure ill explaine it in greater deatail later. Then there is my "male friend" im in love with this guy but he is so emotionally unavailable that's its not even funny. Sure we get along great and we make some beautiful harmonise music together but he has alot of baggage so i know that this arrangement will not lead to my happiness.To be 1000% honest with you, i don't want to leave him because ill have nothing to do, yeah i do love him but I'm fully aware that we're not going anywhere at the same time I'm waiting for something or someone to replace him with,so much so I'm praying for it. So what does that leave me with? Exactly. Far away friends,Unmotivated-lazy friends, friends with babies, selfish friends, unavailable friends, friends who put me through emotional war fair which all equates to nothing. I'm ready to live my f***ing life and i wouldn't mind sharing it with someone. Where is my Prince charming? I need him to entertain me with his antics of affection,and provide me with real love. Where are my "Girlfriends" my sex in the city friends to help me down cosmos and live the good life. Where is Rachel,Monica,Chandler,Ross and Febe? Hell ill even take smelly cat. I could go on but that wouldnt serve a purpose. Im just ready
TaDaoodles TaDaoodles
22-25, F
Aug 8, 2010