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Changes

A lot has happened in life since I was last on EP and changes have been happening. To say that I am living in interesting times resonates and some times have been good and some have been not so good, however this is life. I will write about the good as we all have experienced enough of the bad.

I am now married to Rob and this is an everyday joy. We live in Florida which is also a joy as the sun shines almost everyday here and we have even planted flowers on our patio which are blooming and thriving. We adopted two cats from a rescue shelter and have our little family. Imagine flowers blooming outside in January! Imagine having dear little furry family members and not fearing for their safety! Imagine living with a husband who is constantly kind and supportive! Life is a peaceful and safe place to be and so different from the past years.

Both Rob and I have learned that everything worthwhile in life comes at some cost. It is making peace with the cost that has been a great learning experience. We have lost some people that we thought of as a constant in our lives, however we have also been given tremendous support from others so it balances out.

Rob and I are becoming very "Zen" in how we view life now. Events will play out as they will because the only people and actions we are responsible for are our own. We have the ability to control our actions and thoughts but thinking that we have any bearing on how others feel is an illusion. This is itself is quite freeing. We walk our own paths and others will walk their chosen paths.

Rob and I spend a lot of time talking. Sometimes it is nothing more than rubbish and laughter and then again conversations do touch on deeply felt emotional topics and we bounce back and forth opinions and perceived learned wisdoms. What is clear is that we both can talk about any subjects and not fear being censored. It is a time of growth and one is never too old to grow. What is wonderful about being human.

One lesson Rob and I have learned is that almost every part of change takes much longer that anticipated. Patience truly is a virtue and lasting effects of our past lives are still being worked through. It is our mutual love and commitment towards one another that makes coping easier.

For any of you who are struggling with life changes, we have some learned wisdom to share. Perhaps the hardest times will be making that final decision. Every person close to you will react in some way and not all reactions will be what you have expected. Some will be happy and supportive and some will not. You cannot be responsible for others feelings or actions. All you can be responsible are your own. Think of yourself as the round hub of a wheel. As long as you keep your life as others have come to expect, the hub is round and all flows around you, the hub. Once you start making changes, the hub and it's shape changes. Then people slowly adapt or fall away. This process becomes very painful for some people and you will lose parts of that old life. That is what change is after all.

There will be a period of time when, as we both have done, that you will feel the loss of certain people quite deeply. Life will also change as to financial stability, however we both knew this and were prepared in part so this is workable. As to the loss of certain people in our lives, this is where the Zen comes into play. Learning that we can only only answer for ourselves and our Karma is enlightening. Letting go of disappointments has been a gradual part of how we now live day by day. Healing feels so good. Forgiving is a journey and Rob and I are at different stages. He is ahead of me but I am catching up however we both understand that this is at his and my own pace.

The biggest change is not that Rob and I are man and wife but in how we view life. It will work as it does. We live in the moment, one day at a time and treasure each laugh, touch, smile. Learning to live in the moment and having the wisdom to put fear, anger, and disappointments to one side gives us both the gift of appreciating the joined life we now have. Peace to all, D.
dartist dartist 56-60, F 29 Responses Jan 30, 2012

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When i first arrived at EP, Rob was one of the very first people to contact me . He offered comforting words, wisdom, and support. And i remember how he kept saying that he could relate to how lost I currently was. He recalled very well his first few days and weeks at EP.. He went on to share where he now was with hus life and his heart..He was on cloud 9, and looking forward to la life of love and sharing with you. it is nice ro hear that he and his dream had a happy ending. I wish you both continuing joy, love and laughter.

This is beautiful! What an enlightened way of thought and living! And that you have found someone to share it with!

Change is inevitable and wonderful and heartbreaking all at once...but it continues to teach me so much about my self.

Dartist, thanks for your post. I hope you and Rob are truly happy. I also found love, but mine came with an STD. Be careful who you sacrifice for, life is full of sweet disappointments.

As a new EP member I find this experience interesting, worth copying and applying. I congratulate you and your husband on the change. Goodluck. AMS.

I just joined two days ago and one of the first posts I was led to read was yours. I am going through some drastic changes in my life at the moment but was inspired by your story. I wish you nothing but peace, love and happiness. My journey seems rocky but I am realizing that the journey is the hardest but sometimes the most enlightening part of life's changes. Be Blessed!

My thanks to all of you who have read this story since I was last on EP. One of the wonderful parts of one's journey is being to share with others that life can and does get better. The road may at times be hard but if we gather up our strength and persevere, we can get through the hard times and make a better life.



We all deserve to feel valued and this is a gift that we can give to ourselves. No matter how difficult the times may be, if we make an effort everyday to treat ourselves with acts of kindness, this gives us strength and value. When we grow stronger, then we can take steps to better our lives with confidence. And when we couple self love and kindness with love and kindness for others through a smile or compliment, we gain even more strength.



I watched a new tv program last week and there was something said that resonated with me deeply. If I remember correctly, there is a Chinese saying that many of us are bound through life with a red thread. A connection. Lives intersect even from thousands of miles apart and life changes. Sometimes in a small way but also at times in a very dramatic and profound way. Never doubt that acts of kindness which you might think of as very small cannot have the ability to resonate with others in a huge way. Never devalue what you know about life as being of a benefit to others.



I am humbled that you take inspiration and hope from my story because we all have our stories. I hope for all of you that you find love and joy and peace in your own lives. Because you read my story, we are now connected by that red thread and I consider that a privilege. Love and peace, D.

in marriage that is what we need:understanding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a beautiful life you have! Very happy for you and Rob.

I am new here and you are the first story I read, how inspiring it is. In fact today I was speaking to friends about this very sentence " the only people and actions we are responsible for are our own. We have the ability to control our actions and thoughts but thinking that we have any bearing on how others feel is an illusion." and how truly it is.



I am beyond happy to know that you are where life says you need to be or where you belong! best wishes on your continued journey of life.

Thank u. I am learning to move forward just reading that. You have wise perceptionz upon thingz. Hope life thrivez well for you both.

Marvellous, a fascinating story and life experience!

Thanks for sharing ^_^

Thanks for sharing your story. It is helpful and hopeful to see things can turn out this way. I've recently been blindsided by the loss of my husband's love and caring and I don't quite know what to do with myself. This at least give me a look at what could be ahead. Best wishes to you both.

Your hard fought experiences of wisdom, resonate sincere inspiration. Thank you for sharing! :D

I am so glad for you...

it is nice to hear success in ones lives.

As a new ep member, it's good to hear an inspirational story!

Thank you so much for all of your wisdom. I too am putting a life filled with purpose and peace as my number 1 priority. Yes to all of your questions...He has proven his love and dedication to me on so many levels. I think it's going to have to be a slow transition for me. We don't live in different countries but we have to fly to see each other.



I just do know that staying here in this life, is not ever going to click for me...It did for a short time. My husband understands that and hates to let me go but hates for me to be unhappy. It's still hard to leave. I'm going to see if I can get a job teaching a few classes down where "he" lives sort of like a trial run???

Thanks again for your wonderful words,

Lindsey!

Thank you Lindsey for taking my words as wisdom and my wish for you that you make good decisions for yourself most of all.

Rob and I met on EP in the fall of 2008 and never imagined that we would be more than EP friends. In my belief, change must take a period of time. Time to plan and think things through. To center one's mind so that every decision is the best one.

Lindsey, in my case I planned very soundly and some plans had to be readjusted due to unforseen circumstances. During those times I made it a point to remember the end goal, to find an oasis of safety and peace, and also to treat myself well. Most of mine came from nature, my dear pets, reading and my wonderful friends. Rob was always the greatest source of kindness and peace but distance meant that I had to find a sanctuary everyday where I was in body.

Because you have a loving heart, you find pain in the leaving that will come. I also felt this pain. It is a part of what makes us human beings who get no pleasure from another's sorrow.

I know that I will always carry a sadness in my heart for what happened in my life a few years back. This does not control me but is simply a part of who I now am. We seem to have things in common so you might feel the same sadness as a part of your life also Lindsey. It is not strange nor anything to be ashamed of and it will not take away from your new life. Rather this will show you that you have the ability to feel empathy and compassion for others and also yourself. Traits that are in short supply for so many but necessary for us to fully express our humanity.

So I encourage you to do your trial run and reach out and embrace life, my friend. Life is not for the faint of heart. Sometimes one just has to take a leap of faith, after thought and planning of course. I now live every day filled with light and love. No fear controls my life and this is a huge blessing! Life may be simpler but there is no longer one thing that I need. I have all that I want and in this is all of the difference. It is there for everyone but no other person can make it happen but ourselves and isn't this in itself wonderful Lindsey? We do have the power to change our lives, our destinies. Peace and thank you to you and others who have read my story. May we all walk in the light of peace and love, D.

I hope I receive some answers soon. I am a regular every day person who fell out of love with her husband and into it with someone else. Seems pretty ordinary but lately, I realize that it isn't. I still love my husband and i love this man. It is my life that I have grown tired of. The same things day after day, month after month... It makes me so depressed. It is just not the life I wanted ever.



My husband loves our life pretty much just as it is. He isn't interested in socializing or doing to many new things. He's a hard worker and likes to relax on his free time. The past few years I went off and would socialize with friends and such without him....This was no secret, he was happy to let me go. He wants me to be happy.



He knows about this other guy who I met about 6 months ago. I have to be as honest as I can or I can't live with myself. My husband had a brief affair a few years ago and I think he feels that this makes us even or something.



All I know is that this new guy is offering me a chance to be who I once was and who I never was but always wanted to try to be. I'm not young it isn' like I have all the time in the world.I feel like it's now or not ever at all. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid of hurting everyone including me and winding up with nothing...

Lindsey, There are no guarantees in life and this is what frightens people. What if I leave and things turn out in a bad way? What will people think? How will my friends and family react?

I cannot answer these questions for you however, for me there was no other option. After Rob and I first met, there were no doubts. From that point on all I worked towards was starting a joined life with him. Loving one another was easy. It was all the working things through that was hard but we would do it all over again to reach this peace of mind and harmony that we share daily.

One thing I did not talk about in this story is the fact that, even if I hadn't met Rob, I would still now be living a life full of peace and harmony even if I had to be alone. It is easier with Rob but my goal was to have safety and peace of mind. We were lucky to find each other at similar times in our lives.

Do you trust this man that you want to be with totally? Do you see qualities in him that promise a loving life full of joy? Does being with him bring you a sense of peace and does he show you that he values you? Are you each other's best friend and do you both really like one another? Are both of you ready to make a commitment towards one another?

I write these questions because both Rob and I have learned that they are all important. From past relationships and also in ours and now life together has settled down into a wonderful mix of laughter and companionship. We have and always will have our passionate intimate times and this is such a joy. We encourage one another in all things.

Something else that helped us realize that what we felt was right and strong was the fact that life kept us apart for long periods of time. He is from England and we had to be apart for months so good and constant communication was necessary and we kept learning more about one another. Rather then driving us apart, distance made us stronger.

I don't know what answers you are seeking Lindsey. I cannot tell you what to do however I hope that what I have written helps a bit. Peace,D

So good to read this inspirational update! : ) : ) : )

Hi dartist, so good to hear from you and to hear that you are both enjoying all that is good in life.



I have found your story very inspiring and you deserve every happiness :) xx

Gratitude to all of you who have read this story. Attaining balance and peace of mind has been huge. Once we both started that transition from hurt and anger at how some have reacted to us as a couple, to a place of serenity, both Rob and I could love one another better.



Today we went to the beach. A very spiritual place of being. We have found a quiet white sandy place in a small town about twelve miles from where we live and we always stop off and buy bread to feed the birds. Today the gulls fed right of my hand and even a stately pelican flew in to see what all the fuss was about. Sadly he was too timid to get close enough for a treat but he preened his feathers and watched us for a long time.



Finally we decided it was time to drive back home and, as we were walking back to the truck, two of the gulls walked along behind us all the way to the board walk that leads to the parking area. Even though we know that food is a great part of this action, it was very touching that these two wild creatures followed us when the others did not.



We are fortunate to live in what we think of as paradise however paradise can be anywhere at all. It is not where one lives but how one lives. Our joined lives are very simple and that is incredibly freeing and both Rob and I deeply thank those of you who are happy for us. It has been a journey of three and a half years to reach this peace. We hope that all of you find your own paradise and serenity. Anything is possible dear friends. Peace, D and Rob.

So good to hear that you and Rob are doing so well...



Helps me to continue along my own path, with renewed strength and hope.



Thank you for posting this...



FoP

Hi Dartist. I am so glad, so very glad. Thank you so much for this post.

It is truly wonderful to hear from you again. I am so happy that things are working out for you two!

I was wondering just last week how y'all were faring... I'm so happy for you both. :)



I wish you much happiness, peace, and love.



Princess OutIsGood

Life is a journey .... and you have taken that step to happiness and peace of mind.



Change is difficult .. even when it is a good change ... many here have fears that surpass their ability to deal with what is. Living in the moment is the only place we can truly be. The road of life ... a journey that can be better when taken with the right person.



Thank you for coming back and relating your experiences to us ... we are sponges that need to soak up the positives .. you have given us many.

Dartist, it is so good to hear an update from you.

Bless you both.

It is so good to hear from you again and wonderful to see that your life has become peaceful and filled with love and companionship. The waiting sometimes seems endless for me and it does my heart good to have a glimpse into what lies ahead.



Thank you for taking the time to share with those of us who are still trying to find our way out of this tangled mess.