I Want to Live Life to the Fullest
This may very well be an excuse- but for now, in an attempt at making sense of how I got here, in a perpetual cycle of endless repetition, I have to look at where it all began. Growing up as the only child to an over protective mother- adventure, spontaneity, and exploration was never encouraged. I knew that life was all about, going to school, coming home, doing homework, watching TV, going to sleep and repeating the cycle the following day. The only saving graze was my imagination, I was lost in my own world for hours it entertained me, made me oblivious to all that soul crushing routine.
Fast forward 20 years later here I am- great job, great boyfriend, great stable life (for which I am all truly grateful) however I can't help but feel, where is the shine in all of this, why is all so very dull. I initially thought the problem was my Job (being a commercial attorney isn’t as glamorous as some might think), then I thought maybe my relationship is in a rut, until I realised the only common denominator in all the possible causes of the complacency in my life is well… me.
All my life I have depended on others for fun, stimulus and some kind of adventure. Mostly men- lets face it the women I knew/ know were/ are still waiting for a man (including their current partners) that will entertain them like Kanye West, stimulate them intellectually like only Barack Obama could, make made passionate steamy hot love to them like (a Spanish **** star) cook like Jamie Oliver I could go on and on. All of them like me are waiting for someone to save them from the drudgery of their lives.
Clearly then the problem is me, I keep on waiting for my world to change as I sit happily on the couch watching yet again another episode of keeping up with the Kardashians and real house wives of Atlanta. Brain and body turning into mush. The worst part is I don’t know when I became so damn fearful. Too afraid to move, too afraid to dream, too afraid to truly feel.
Enough with the sob story, today, begins the day in which I start to make a change- that change. No matter how small or slight or seemingly insignificant. I have no idea as to where I want to begin, so I drew up a list of everything I have always wanted to do (the clichéd bucket list). Wish me luck- first thing Saturday morning I am going to Bungee up of the Soweto towers. If I die doing it- I will know I died trying to making a change. If I live to tell the tale- well then here's to a life well spent and well lived!!!
Fast forward 20 years later here I am- great job, great boyfriend, great stable life (for which I am all truly grateful) however I can't help but feel, where is the shine in all of this, why is all so very dull. I initially thought the problem was my Job (being a commercial attorney isn’t as glamorous as some might think), then I thought maybe my relationship is in a rut, until I realised the only common denominator in all the possible causes of the complacency in my life is well… me.
All my life I have depended on others for fun, stimulus and some kind of adventure. Mostly men- lets face it the women I knew/ know were/ are still waiting for a man (including their current partners) that will entertain them like Kanye West, stimulate them intellectually like only Barack Obama could, make made passionate steamy hot love to them like (a Spanish **** star) cook like Jamie Oliver I could go on and on. All of them like me are waiting for someone to save them from the drudgery of their lives.
Clearly then the problem is me, I keep on waiting for my world to change as I sit happily on the couch watching yet again another episode of keeping up with the Kardashians and real house wives of Atlanta. Brain and body turning into mush. The worst part is I don’t know when I became so damn fearful. Too afraid to move, too afraid to dream, too afraid to truly feel.
Enough with the sob story, today, begins the day in which I start to make a change- that change. No matter how small or slight or seemingly insignificant. I have no idea as to where I want to begin, so I drew up a list of everything I have always wanted to do (the clichéd bucket list). Wish me luck- first thing Saturday morning I am going to Bungee up of the Soweto towers. If I die doing it- I will know I died trying to making a change. If I live to tell the tale- well then here's to a life well spent and well lived!!!
By:
zeus85
Age:
26-30
