Its The Energy

I lie in bed thinking about my life, not in regret, but in gratitude that I can accept how wrong it is and change it before too late. I loved hiking, cycling, exploring museums, seeing shows, movies, etc. I have been focused on sexual chemistry lacking in my marriage and wanting to be wanted. As I prepare to leave my marriage, I see it is the good energy that is lacking. When feeling love, my body wants to move joyously. It wants to dance. It wants go great distances and feel the depth of feeling. The negativity in my house makes me want to withdraw, not compete, and submit to the easiest path.

I want my life surrounded by people who are excited and want to do things. I want a lover who wants to make love often, and enjoys being wrapped in my arms. I want to work hard and fall into laughter. I want to share stories, books, and crazy adventures. I am tired of trying to change my life with what I have. I want to not change those around me, but find a new circle that I can join, that inspires me and keeps me on my toes.

I wish the best for my wife, but I am tired of pushing her into my world. I want someone who I have to keep up with. I want to be out of breath from moving so fast rather than carrying someone who is not interested in being on her own two feet in the marriage. The sex is just the outcome of the bigger SEX all around us. Its the great energy that makes things great. I am tired of working so hard to create it. I want to go to where it is.
chroniccalm chroniccalm
46-50, M
2 Responses Dec 14, 2012

I am SO happy for you that you work this out and it is the energy that drains people and pushes people away; inevitably one day we will be drained and exhausted. I am definitely one of those who just don't have the energy to protest my beliefs, voice my opinions, and improve the quality of my life. I am just burnt out by this negativity.

That is a similar feeling to where I am. I have been withdrawn this past two years and feel small within. I miss twirling under the sun and laughing myself silly .