The Summer I Lost My Happiness

My parents got a divorce when I was still a child, so it didnt matter very much to me. Since then I lived with my mother, in the same home I grew up. I would see my dad on weekends, and everything were very good. I was a child or pre-teen, I had my home, this wonderful, full of life home (now it's just dead), my mother, our family friends. My mother isnt the tidy type of mother, but who gave a ****? Life was as it has to be. Happy. We would spend a lot of time together and everything was so free and beautiful.
My father always blamed my mother for growing me up the wrong way. But that never happened. I never did any drugs, smoked or drinked. I actually prefer staying home with my book and drawings. I have to make something clear: My dad loves me. But he is doing it wrong. Even as a small child, i was in the middle of all fights. Mom VS dad, dad VS grandmother, grandmother VS the other grandmother, blah blah blah. Every time my dad calls, even today, he gives me the stress feeling. I know he will complain about something, scold me for really pointless things, etc. When my mother calls, i have the happiest feeling.
As years passed, my mother found a new woman. Actually, the mother of my childhood best friend. You will think that this is the best thing, having your bestie as a sister, but no. That woman is a kind person, but she is just a cleaning maniac. Even the way of hanging a towel matters and im not joking. I once hung a towel and she told me ''Why didnt u hang it from the loop?". And no, she was not joking either!
As you can imagine, it was always difficult to me to stay in this place for long. I just couldnt stand feeling watched in my own home. I never concidered this as my home though. There is usually a very cold atmosphere, you cant imagine if you dont live it. I can give you millions of examples of what is going on here, and what is their attitude, but it would take me years. Keep that happiness is not their dream. At least this is what they show by fighting over the toilet paper.
Years passed again. I cant say that everything was always perfect with my mother, she can become really mad, but not for long. We would usually say something like "Can you pass the salt?"and struggle to keep our serious faces with no success. With my mom, life was, normal as I said. I could take a small walk after school to relax and then get back home. I could go for sleepovers. I could just call her and say "Hey mom, I just went for an ice cream, I'll be right back." She would say ok and done. With my dad, nah. No sleepovers. No walks after school. He is not strict, strict would be a good thing. He just gets sick only by the idea of me being out of the house. He would hide this because he KNEW its not normal, but he always gave you this awful feeling. I was 15, i was quite young, I was stupid, and I would accept all this.
Today, I'm 18. My mother went to germany in the sumner to live forever, to her parents. She did it only because they offered her a good job with lot of money. It's my last year at school, and the most difficult and important. This is how it is in Greece. Everything is just ****** up. It would take me another couple of years to explain. Nevermind. So, I had to live with my dad. My mother did it for me, and I did it for my mother. But I just really cant take it. Just how many years of patience. My father even hit me because I wouldnt talk to him. He goes through a lot too, but I cant accept it. I cant wait to pass these goddamned exams and get out of here. I am 18 but he still wont let me sleep to my boyfriend's house. He let me only on new year's eve and he thinks that he did me a huge favor. I can't even spend a night in my own home, the house I grew up. And all I do is remember my room, my old life, my mother and cry.
I dont know why, but I wanted to share this. To all of you who have their mothers with them, to all of you who can go for a walk after school or work, you are lucky. You are lucky to live your life as you want it. Because I.have to stand this situation for 4 more months. Don't forget that, you are lucky.
Kittyxxxx Kittyxxxx
18-21, F
2 Responses Jan 12, 2013

well the best way is to go and follow your dad at the moment and when your ready im sure he cannot stop you what you want he is just afraid allowing you to be with your bf will make you pregnant and then you lose your chances to go anywhere or your plans to pursue college so i guess this time the best way is to be obedient and follow your dad and if your ready its eaither you join your mother in Germany and stay there too....Greece and Germany is much the same as in EUROPE but the living condition in Germany is much more advance and with alots of benefits for a young woman like you....

thank you for sharing your feeling with us , and i hope you can overcome this situation , but you are lucky too because there are a lot of people in situations worse than yours