Weight: The Life Long Journey

Hi Everyone. I'm nearing my 30's and weight has been a constant battle. At times it reminds me of the struggles I've faced (and overcame through overeating). Other times, I'm forced to expose the hurt of being "a poor reflection of my thinner, more beautiful family." Over the last 7 years I've gained well over 100 pounds. I'm not eliciting anyones sympathy for my bad habits. I'm simply saying that the way I've handled my up's and down's is via eating. I didn't realize the toll it's taken on me until my feet started hurting really bad. I'm not 300lbs, but I'm getting pretty darn close. I want, so desperately to lose weight, be beautiful, or even be notice for something other than my intelligence or so called "good hair." Do you know what it is to be in your 20's and diet uncontrollably? Or avoid going out in public with your thinner more attractive friends because you don't want to be the eye soar? Have you ever avoided saying hello to a nice looking, thinner guy because you worried that he'd be ashame to talk to a "big girl?" Or have you considered hat it would be like if a guy really took time to love you as you are and help you change if you wanted it? Or how about thi? Have you taken several lengthy showers because you needed to get in the creves of your ownbody, as if it were uncharted terroritory? Have you had the moments where you shop alone because you don't want to come out of th dressing room and have all eyes peeling you out of your outfit? Have you put on excessive perfumes and deordorant just to make sure you didn't smell thrughout the day, more than a thinner person? Or have you ever tried to count the stretch marks on your hips, stomach, arms, and thighs as if they were battle scars? Truth is, no one sees your intelligence. They're not privy to your personality, or can see how fabulous your soul is within 30 seconds of seeing you. No. Instead they see love handles, over sized clothes, good hair, faint smiles. I would love the next Edris Elber to see he "real me." The me who wants to be notice for more than her book smarts or non-politically correct views. See the healthy sized girl who wants to dress nicer, but lacks the style and funds for now because she's an underpaid overworked graduate student making a living as a data entry clerk, paying her way through scool by considering $200,000 loan debt as an investment in her future. See the young woman who feeds off of kindness and making othrs smile although she herself cries and eats her overly stretched body int abilivan because she's worn and tired from long work hours and schooling and people criticizing her day in and day out. She's just like you. Wanting love and acceptance, appreciation for being human and contributing her best t society though she's an outlier. See me god dang it see me.
helives07 helives07
31-35
Nov 26, 2012