Please Read This (cross Posted)
T o begin, I don't really belong here because I'm not a virgin. But I remember what it was like and for me, it was miserable.
I'm not posting this with the salesman pitch "Hey, you can get lucky, too!". I'm posting this because I think very broadly about our culture and how much sex plays a role in it. A lot of people get left behind because they don't conform to the norms and don't fit the neat little standards artificially set by so many. Sure, not everyone is tall or thin, but not everyone cares. We watch TV, movies, read magazines, listen to the radio, and so on, and we're taught that normal people lose their virginity in their teens or at the latest, college . Or that "all the cool kids like this kind of music" or "if you're a guy and you don't like sports, you're gay". And a myriad of other idiotic ideas that do too much to brainwash people.
If you're fat, know that there are women--and even men--who don't mind. If you're short, know that there are people who either don't mind or even prefer that in a mate. Men, if you have a small penis, there are many women who prefer smaller penises because they don't hurt so much (most of their pleasure nerves are at the front of the vaginal opening, so don't worry about the excess). Women, if you have small breasts, know that many men either like them small or don't care in the slightest.
I know that the older you get, the more virginity eats at your psyche. It's like quicksand: the older you get, the "weirder" it is for someone your age to be a virgin and the harder it becomes. I know I used to tell girls I was a virgin and I suddenly went from interesting conversation partner to caged freak of nature (at which point, the girl becomes an anthropologist or Oprah).
Men, there are plenty of women who are happy to de-virginize you. Some like to interview you and try to figure out your general personality and your skills and such, and then these women just tell you to "be confident". This is like asking an injured person to just "be healed". I personally hated talking to women like that and so many others that reassuringly (patronizingly) tell you "You'll meet someone someday, and you'll make her feel special!". I hated that like you wouldn't believe.
Women, I don't know if you get told the same thing, but please join the men and heed what I say next.
Place an ad somewhere: a dating site (like Match.com), a sex site (adult friend finder [aff.com]), maybe Myspace, or even Craigslist. If you go Craigslist, try the relationship section instead of the no-strings-attached section, but don't be afraid to post ads in both. And don't be afraid to post them repeatedly and at different times. Know that you don't necessarily have to include a picture, too.
To explain the point of the ad, think of it like when you're learning a game, like Hangman. Sex becomes easier once you've done it and gone through all the motions. For men, it's once you know where the vagina is, what women like done to their breasts, where the g-spot and clitoris are (the internet hosts a wealth of research information), how to perform oral sex, etc. For women, it might be how to handle the penetration, how NOT to perform oral sex, and general protocol about foreplay and communication.
Back to the Hangman analogy, there was a point in your life when you had to learn how the game is played. You're shown how it's played, you set up the word or phrase and challenge someone, or you take someone's challenge and guess the word or phrase. Late-blooming virgins, in my analogy, are the folk who just can't figure out the word for the life of them and just want to say "Okay, I give up, what the hell is the word?".
That's the approach I took when I lost my virginity. I was 24 and I thought about taking my life. I spoke to some girl on some site that's free and live chat was also free. She never slept with me and I was a little bitter about that, but I don't care anymore. Anyways, she suggest I post an ad on Craigslist and gave me suggestions of what to put in there.
And here's the gist of my ad. I went for broke and said I was a virgin and I needed experience. I made it clear that I was desperate and, for the life of me, I just wasn't able to meet a girl who would even kiss me, much less sleep with me. I made it clear that I was a real person with goals and interests. I made it clear that I wanted my potential partner to be a teacher and guide me through the intercourse. And I made it clear that I simply felt at my age that I should know what I'm doing around women. I wanted to taste life and all it had to offer. This is how I met my first girlfriend, and while we're no longer intimate, we're still good friends.
The anonymity of the internet helps a lot here. You'll get replies from idiots who can't believe someone so old can be a virgin. That's normal; idiots breed like rabbits, so you're bound to hear from a few. I only got four replies, and only one was a legitimate offer. But I only needed the one. But if you get made fun of, e-gawked at, and what have you, bear in mind you didn't fully reveal yourself and no one will look at you funny when next you leave the house.
Finally, once you do secure a meeting, put some effort in your appearance and do what you have to do to put your anxiety on hold. The person will know from your ad from the get-go that you're a virgin, so that burden is off your shoulders. Try to get to know the person, maybe ask (curiously!) why they answered your ad, whatever. Put on clean clothes that don't look bad together, maybe get a haircut, or shave, anything. Don't be afraid to ask a barber or some other girl (maybe the employee at The Gap or Banana Republic about which shirt would befit a person like you) for tips on your appearance.
Finally, in the end, you might not see this person after your encounter. It's not such a bad idea to call the person back or send an e-mail saying the experience was great (try to enjoy it as much as you can, too). Maybe you'll meet the person again and try out a few other things you didn't get to the last time. But even if you never see the person again, at least you took the plunge. You can post another personal ad with a more normal goal and maybe get lucky again, now that you'll know how the "game" is played. (By the way, by "game", I'm not referring to the horndog "playahs" that go to clubs and bars to hunt for "*****"; it's more related to my analogy earlier).
In any case, please don't give up, everyone! If everyone who reads this gives it a shot and loses their virginity like they want to, then it will restore some of my faith in humanity. And don't fret too much about making the experience "special". It will be special. You could be in the stall of a public bathroom; if your partner is accommodating, the experience will be special. The setting does not make it special, but it might become special with the activity in question.