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Sex and Weight Loss.

The diet literature explains calories burned while jogging, playing tennis or golfing, but similar information concerning sexual activity has, until now, been unavailable.

Yet, a survey of 206,000,000 people indicated that 96% devote more time and effort to sex than jogging, tennis, or golf, and we felt that the time was right for a new type of sex manual.

EXAMPLES:

1 hr. intensive foreplay Burns Off:
1 slice (large) chocolate cake.

25 min. nonstop lovemaking Burns Off:
2 slices of pizza with cheese & mushrooms.

53 min. of kissing partner Burns Off:
1 cheeseburger with 14 french fries.

53 minutes kissing yourself Burns Off: Christmas turkey with all the trimmings.

PREPARING THE BEDROOM

Includes setting the snooze alarm and dimming the lights: 42 (calories burned)

ADDITIONAL LAST MINUTE PREPARATIONS
Hiding the sex manual: 3

Decanting the wine: 4

Without a corkscrew: 268

MAKING THE FIRST MOVE

If you are shy: 15

If you are anxious: 43

If you beg: 100

SEDUCING THE PARTNER

If you are rich (cash): 5

If you are rich (credit card): 15

If you are poor: 200

INITIAL BODY CONTACT

Fumbling: 4

Casually rummaging around: 7

Seriously rummaging around: 42

REMOVING CLOTHES

With partner's consent: 12

Without partner's consent: 187

Removing socks by violently shaking feet: 418

AROUSAL AND STIMULATION

Blowing in partner's ear: 15

Blowing in your own ear: 2,512

DISAPPOINTMENT (after seeing partner undressed

Partner looks better with clothes on: 10

Partner wears corrective underwear: 15

Partner turns out to be of wrong sex: 100

You don't mind: 0.25

Partner wearing elevated socks: 50

DOING IT FOR THE FIRST TIME

Fumbling around: 4

Desperately trying to put something somewhere: 18

Completely missing: 126

POSITIONS

Italian (man on top; woman on bottom): 26

German (facing each other, but in different beds): 48

English (woman on top; man hiding): 15

American (both on top): 1,243

AFFLICTIONS

Leg cramp: 36

Making believe you don't have a leg cramp: 612
BlueGeorgia BlueGeorgia 41-45, M 83 Responses Feb 12, 2008

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Is this for real ?!?

Sounds good, it is no wonder that I have put on so much weight. My husband and I are not as sexually active as before. I have so much back pain that I am considering surgery. I am soooo depressed

This is funny, made me laugh. :D

I like the blowing into your own ear one

I cracked up reading this!

Oh sorry but this hilarious. I love it!

I like you.

Yeah, I enjoyed reading this info too :D

now, that is really cute.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

What in the world is corrective underwear? A sock stuffed in the crotch? Tissues in the bra? I remember seeing an ad for fanny enhancement but I am a gal who has NEVER need this! Lol! Eventually the underwear must come off! Reminds me of an old joke but I am at a loss to remember it. Does senility count? Hey if I can't remember, then every time feels like the first time! Thanks for the giggle.D.

is that where they got the name google or is that a new name for forplay lol

Ha! Just great!

You will probably need a curly straw.RHR... : )

I love this you nut ! I do think i am going to have to try blowing in my own ear .lol

Thanks for the grin I experienced knowing you grinned . : )

Glad to see people are still enjoying this. : )

I really needed a laugh! Thank you!!!

Haha, Blue....I needed this giggle tonight (or, this morn, 3.55am Mon...). Thanks, dear gent!

Exactly... I like to make a day of it. : )

Good question. : )

Great stats. But who spends on hour on foreplay?

: ) Glad to see a frog smile. : )<br />
Does a heart good.

I seem to be slimming down just a little lately. : )

I needed a good laugh. Didnt realize all the sexual activity could burn so many calories. I need to get active and motivate myself. lmao Thanks Blue!

glad you shared:)

Someone sent this to me. I'm sure my imagination would have been much less funny.<br />
<br />
<br />
Mello Trouble? Don't be skeerd.

i love this list. i will keep it to refer back to now and again...did you make it up?

What's wrong Mello? : )<br />
*plump*