Sex and Weight Loss.

The diet literature explains calories burned while jogging, playing tennis or golfing, but similar information concerning sexual activity has, until now, been unavailable.

Yet, a survey of 206,000,000 people indicated that 96% devote more time and effort to sex than jogging, tennis, or golf, and we felt that the time was right for a new type of sex manual.


1 hr. intensive foreplay Burns Off:
1 slice (large) chocolate cake.

25 min. nonstop lovemaking Burns Off:
2 slices of pizza with cheese & mushrooms.

53 min. of kissing partner Burns Off:
1 cheeseburger with 14 french fries.

53 minutes kissing yourself Burns Off: Christmas turkey with all the trimmings.


Includes setting the snooze alarm and dimming the lights: 42 (calories burned)

Hiding the sex manual: 3

Decanting the wine: 4

Without a corkscrew: 268


If you are shy: 15

If you are anxious: 43

If you beg: 100


If you are rich (cash): 5

If you are rich (credit card): 15

If you are poor: 200


Fumbling: 4

Casually rummaging around: 7

Seriously rummaging around: 42


With partner's consent: 12

Without partner's consent: 187

Removing socks by violently shaking feet: 418


Blowing in partner's ear: 15

Blowing in your own ear: 2,512

DISAPPOINTMENT (after seeing partner undressed

Partner looks better with clothes on: 10

Partner wears corrective underwear: 15

Partner turns out to be of wrong sex: 100

You don't mind: 0.25

Partner wearing elevated socks: 50


Fumbling around: 4

Desperately trying to put something somewhere: 18

Completely missing: 126


Italian (man on top; woman on bottom): 26

German (facing each other, but in different beds): 48

English (woman on top; man hiding): 15

American (both on top): 1,243


Leg cramp: 36

Making believe you don't have a leg cramp: 612
BlueGeorgia BlueGeorgia
41-45, M
82 Responses Feb 12, 2008

Add a response...

Is this for real ?!?

Sounds good, it is no wonder that I have put on so much weight. My husband and I are not as sexually active as before. I have so much back pain that I am considering surgery. I am soooo depressed

This is funny, made me laugh. :D

I like the blowing into your own ear one

I cracked up reading this!

Oh sorry but this hilarious. I love it!

I like you.

Yeah, I enjoyed reading this info too :D

now, that is really cute.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

What in the world is corrective underwear? A sock stuffed in the crotch? Tissues in the bra? I remember seeing an ad for fanny enhancement but I am a gal who has NEVER need this! Lol! Eventually the underwear must come off! Reminds me of an old joke but I am at a loss to remember it. Does senility count? Hey if I can't remember, then every time feels like the first time! Thanks for the giggle.D.

is that where they got the name google or is that a new name for forplay lol

Ha! Just great!

You will probably need a curly straw.RHR... : )

I love this you nut ! I do think i am going to have to try blowing in my own ear .lol

Thanks for the grin I experienced knowing you grinned . : )

Glad to see people are still enjoying this. : )

I really needed a laugh! Thank you!!!

Haha, Blue....I needed this giggle tonight (or, this morn, 3.55am Mon...). Thanks, dear gent!

Exactly... I like to make a day of it. : )

Good question. : )

Great stats. But who spends on hour on foreplay?

: ) Glad to see a frog smile. : )<br />
Does a heart good.

I seem to be slimming down just a little lately. : )

I needed a good laugh. Didnt realize all the sexual activity could burn so many calories. I need to get active and motivate myself. lmao Thanks Blue!

glad you shared:)

Someone sent this to me. I'm sure my imagination would have been much less funny.<br />
<br />
<br />
Mello Trouble? Don't be skeerd.

i love this list. i will keep it to refer back to now and again...did you make it up?

What's wrong Mello? : )<br />

This is really funny, Blue. I think the ignoring the leg cramp should burn more, however.

oh my damn!

Blue dogs don't burn, They plump.

ewwwwwww burning hot dogs.. would that be from viloent shaking?

Have you burned off your hot dog yet Blue? Just wondering-lol

Removing socks by violently shaking feet: 418<br />
I have seen this!!! and this is too funny!!

lol I think you can burn off a hot dog that way.lmao

Keep me posted on your progress. : )<br />
<br />
lol It all depends on how bad she wants to stay if it is exercise or not. lol

And that without all the exersize. lol See you have been compared to a vacuum cleaner. MR electrolux

I'll let you know how it goes;o)

lol, That's a good way to lose 100 plus pounds overnight. lol

Like the jokes! Keep em up! ROFL... I'll give this a go every night this week;o)

I lost a lot of weight also, she left me. lol

The neighbors keep moving away. I think it is all the weight I am losing. lol

Blue, are you by any means stirring up the neighbours again?

lol I am going to go cry now. I am really laughing out loud. You've been told Blue!!

ya know this site is too help people not make sick jokes I think you suck

Recycled? Grrrrrrr

This is funny and doesn't sound as recycled as the rest of your jokes :P

I may give you one yet. : )

I doubt it

lol. I am going on a diet soon.<br />
I may stay on it till I reach my fighting weight..

But do fat people have better sex on account of the trampoline effect and so do it more often and burn more calories??? <br />
Thanks for this info blue, I'm never going to diet again! :)

But do fat people have better sex on account of the trampoline effect and so do it more often and burn more calories??? <br />
Thanks for this info blue, I'm never going to diet again! :)

Now you know, Woo.

No wonder my ex thought I was having an affair when I was walking 10 miles every night.

Take with you....

I loved this story! It is so nice to see that if I EVER have sex again that the pounds will just melt off. I wonder if my doctor will give me a script for this remedy? If I can get my health insurance to pay for it, I might find my self taking a trip to a tropical island and become surrounded by tanned young men dressed in loin cloths! Ah, well I can dream, can't I? D.

Funny enough, I have "The Dieters Guide To Weight Loss During Sex" which I found at a thrift store last year and thought it was too hilarious to pass up! It was published in 1978 and it has 152 pages. All that you quoted was from it! Too funny.

Scientific facts. : )

Glad you enjoyed it. : )

Where do I sign up for this class, thanks for a great big laugh, I needed that.

Yup both legs.... : )

No not that...not leg cramps in both legs...<br />
(and pretending nothing is wrong!)<br />
(LOTS of calories burned doing that!)<br />
AHHHHhhhhhh !!!!!!.........

Ok your on the list. : )

I'd like to sign up please!

Double leg cramp here.... Ouch ouch ouch!!<br />
How many calories is that?

That must be some pretty aggressive kissing.<br />
Wait...which leg?

There's a badge for faking a leg cramp?

This is GOOD!!!<br />
Nice work!!<br />
<br />
Pretending no leg cramp...I GOT THAT MERIT BADGE!!!

Could be....

Better go with theory till I talk to //ello

Do we do theory or practical lessons first?

My first student. Blues cardio sex class now open for business

I'll join! Thanks for the laugh....I was in a not "laughy" mood so you did well : )

Wonder if I could teach a class?

me too mello me too.

I am a professional googler

sounds like you have fun googling.

I just have a thought and go googling. : )<br />
<br />
Glad I could share a laugh with you.

LOL, omg I haven't laughed this much is months. Your a riot, where do you get this info. <br />
<br />
Hey thanks for making me laugh bluegeorgia forgot what it felt like.<br />
<br />
Now to find someone that can help burn off those unwanted calories. I wrote a story about how I hated working out but this may just work LOL