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I Think There's Something Wrong With Me

Do you know how small I am? I weigh 108... I had to gain weight to donate blood a month ago. And everyday I look in the mirror and hate my body. I have a problem. I really do. So many people would kill to have my body. But me? Heh. One week I'm anorexic. The next I binge eat. Can't eat fast enough.

I want to say its not my fault. I walk by mannequins whose stomachs are actually flat. Or see real girls and say "Just a few more pounds..." But I can't get flat. I'm tiny but I want to lose weight.

My mom hates me for it because she was never as small as me. But here I am, wanting to lose weight.

Maybe it's because the closer you are to perfection the more pressure you feel?

Who even knows?

But I always feel so guilty for not having a flat stomach. I hate it. I can't stand having people look at me. And I know others will read this and hate me too. Hate me for weighing nothing and wanting to weigh less. But it's not the weight is it? None of us care about the weight. It's how we look.

We just want to be what they tell us is gorgeous.

And God do I want to look like that.

Londynne Londynne 18-21, F 48 Responses May 6, 2008

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Losing weight is a lifestyle change. It's not how we eat so much as how much nutrients our bodies get from what we eat no matter what we choose. Now of course the healthier choices are obvious, and are always well recommended. But how much of that quality goodness is your body absorbing? Getting that goodness in, That's the more important factor.<br />
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Find out more information, www.ishop7.awarenesslife.com<br />
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I'm Peter and I can help you get started on your happiness.

i know how you feel and yeah same i'm 103 pounds my belly is not all that flat as i want it to be i'm very short and small i can fit all my fingers around my wrist but still i want to lose more weight i love the skin and bone look i dont care how many people think its gross but seeing a womans cheack bones,coller bones,ribs,knee bones i love it!!<br />
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i'm told everday that i'm thin enought but i wont stop intell i reach my goal to be beautiful nothing but skin and bone 90 pounds

ı am a bit chubby for more than 5 years. My ex was trainer in a gym saloon he made me feel depress with my weight. <br />
I started going fitness for more than one month. I want to lost weight just to feel better myself. I care about what ı eat now. <br />
Next summer i wll be fit and have more healthy look:)))

You know if you have a puffy tummy it maybe in your diet. Foods high in sodium can cause you to retain water which can cause bloating ( like a belly pouch) you should do some research on it and see if you have to much sodium in you diet. Trust me my blood pressure is sodium sensitve and it is in EVERYTHING. Plus a diet high in fresh fruits and veg and water will help.<br />
Ps you binge because your body is trying to make up for the food it did not get. Trust me it will make you fat for real if you don't get a hold of it. I know I could go months with out eating. But now I make sure I eat everyday when ever I get hungry and my wieght is slowly steadying out I was up to 220 because of it now I'm at 160 and still dropping

My heart goes out to you and your pain. Do you ever think that the quest to lose your stomach is a diversion away from what is emotionally bothering you? I once was 119 lbs and 5'8; I have gained weight over the last 10 years and now I am 5'8" and 245 lbs. It doesn't matter if you are your size or my size. Body image issues plague all of us. I wish I could learn to love the size I am in and when ready, lose weight for health reasons. I wish you could find someone who could help to make it all better until you can do it for yourself. Please go talk with someone. I lost someone to anorexia and at 70 lbs and 5'10, she was emaciated and thought she needed to lose just a few more pounds to be perfect.

HONEY, I STAND 5' 6" TALL AND WEIGH 174 POUNDS, I WAS ECSTATIC TODAY TO FIND I HAD LOST 4 MORE POUNDS, MAKING A GRAND TOTAL OF 29 THIS YEAR. I AM OVERWEIGHT. **** IT, I'M FAT. I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND WISH YOU WERE THIS WAY OR THAT. I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO RUMMAGE THROUGH YOUR CLOSET FOR OVER AN HOUR JUST TRYING TO FIND SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE THE SIZE YOU ARE OR (GOD FORBID) ANY BIGGER. SOMETHING THAT WON'T GIVE YOU A MUFFIN TOP, MAKE YOU LOOK LUMPY, OR DRAW ANY KIND OF ATTENTION TO YOUR BELLY AREA. TRUST ME. IN THE 7TH GRADE I WEIGHED 120 POUNDS, THE LAST TIME I WAS YOUR SIZE, I DOUBT I WAS OUT OF ELEMENTARY SCHOOL YET. FOR SOMEONE LIKE ME, 108 POUNDS IS NOTHING. IN YOUR AVATAR PIC, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY STUNNING, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. HONESTLY, IT WOULD BE A DAMN SHAME FOR SOMEONE TO THROW AWAY THEIR LIFE AND HEALTH CHASING A FASHION TREND (WE MUST ALL ADMIT THAT THIN IS MERELY "IN") INSTEAD OF BEING HAPPY WITH BEING ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS AND ON THE THINNER SIDE OF SOCIETY ANYWAY. BABY DOLL, I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH GAFFNEKW190 WHEN SHE TELLS YOU THAT THIS IS A PROBLEM. PEOPLE HAVE DIED TRYING TO ACHIEVE THIS DAMN NEAR IMPOSSIBLE FEAT. SEEK HELP DARLIN. LIKE I SAID, DON'T THROW YOUR LIFE AWAY FOR THIS.

i see alot of 'hate' words in this story. It looks like you dont feel valued by the people around you. maybe you're trying to fix this issue of people's perception of you by losing weight. I gotta say 108lbs is little! I weigh 114lbs and im about 5f7. Im actually trying to gain weight because im trying to achieve that 'healthy' mark, that ideal BMI to be healthy. this is what you should concentrate on. Maybe try talking to urself whenever you think people are judging you or whatever, and say 'this is not real, my mind is playing with me, and my weight is fine, its all psychological'. i mean u gotta always remind urself thats its psychological.. go to the doc and check ur BMI, then work towards making ur BMI perfect. forget the looks, dont you wanna feel healthy, feel like you have energy to wake up every day and feel good about your life, feel like you're feeding your organs (think of them as ur babies hehe), you're providing nutrition to your body. but you're also exercising, again for your health and well being. I started working out couple months ago to gain weight, and started eating alot. i noticed my weight started going up, but then looking in the mirror i see more muscle and less fat. so ur weight can increase through muscles. you work out, your fat % goes down, and u start forming muscles. but you gotta supplement that with food. anyways, blah blah, in short good luck :)

i see alot of 'hate' words in this story. It looks like you dont feel valued by the people around you. maybe you're trying to fix this issue of people's perception of you by losing weight. I gotta say 108lbs is little! I weigh 114lbs and im about 5f7. Im actually trying to gain weight because im trying to achieve that 'healthy' mark, that ideal BMI to be healthy. this is what you should concentrate on. Maybe try talking to urself whenever you think people are judging you or whatever, and say 'this is not real, my mind is playing with me, and my weight is fine, its all psychological'. i mean u gotta always remind urself thats its psychological.. go to the doc and check ur BMI, then work towards making ur BMI perfect. forget the looks, dont you wanna feel healthy, feel like you have energy to wake up every day and feel good about your life, feel like you're feeding your organs (think of them as ur babies hehe), you're providing nutrition to your body. but you're also exercising, again for your health and well being. I started working out couple months ago to gain weight, and started eating alot. i noticed my weight started going up, but then looking in the mirror i see more muscle and less fat. so ur weight can increase through muscles. you work out, your fat % goes down, and u start forming muscles. but you gotta supplement that with food. anyways, blah blah, in short good luck :)

After I was in my accident and was in a coma for 3 months my beautiful wife, 5'7" and 122, put on about 20-25 lbs. 4 years later, after going back to eating normally and working out she didn't lose the weight. 3 years ago she started cleansing. Her friend works for the Dr. that brought it to L.I. (where we live)and was raving about how much better, everyone who uses it, feels. She had battled with her weight her whole life and trusted her friend, luckily. After doing it(an 11 day cycle) once, she lost 12lbs and became a member, so she could get her products at wholesale prices. She knew that she would be using this for the rest of her life, and we do. After losing that 25 lbs after only two cycles, she started using it to maintain. After looking great and saying she didn't need to work out, because she looks great, she noticed she was waking up on her day off hours earlier then she normally would. So feeling great and sleeping great and having tons of energy, she started going back to the gym. She is 38 and looks better then I've ever seen her look, and I meet her when she was 23. So if anyone is interested the creator of the Isagenix wellness system was contracted by GNC to come up w/a cleanse, after 22 attempts he came up w/the perfect cleanse and started his own company. This stuff is great and we will always live better because of it. There is no way to live in America in 2009 and not be poisoned w/ thousands of the 80,000+ fda approved toxins in our food supply...etc If you made it this far and want to know more check it out at w3.imboxster.isagenixdotcom. Everyday is beautiful and after being closer to death then anyone gets to go and coming back to live another day, I try to wake people up to the glory of today. Good luck all, live free then die.<br />
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p.s. she is currently ripped and weighs 117,size 0/1, because when your digestive tract is clean and you can digest all the nutrients your body calls for, your body preforms great, the way it should. All these toxins block your system and starve your body of the fuel it needs to work at it's optimum level. It is blowing up in gyms because people that care about their bodies see how much better their bodies work more clearly as they recover faster and get quicker results then before they started cleansing. Also we, as Americans, are all dehydrated. We should be drinking 1/2 of our body weight in oz of purified water a day. When you feel hungry it's actually thirst, have a glass of water and kill your hunger. Live better, everyday.

im a recovering bulemic its really hard im 18 now and was bulemic for two years,b4 i started i was 60 kilos and a new zealand size 5 grls jeans xs tops,but it wasn enouf id see guys who were size 4 and it made fedl fat,when i look in mirrors all i c is fat,i couldn c wot my friends/public saw,yt still even when i got to -40 kilos i needed to be skinnier,so id work out mor purge mor.its hard for ppl to understand they think its as easy as jus eatin,im now recovering its been 4 months almost im now livin with two years damaged ve price iv paid for beauty is painfull,my hair is thin it sux i love my hair,but hey im proof vat you can beat it,,i jus dnt want to c you go down vat road,i now am 56 kilos size 5 again an pretty happy,at tyms i feel fat still but iv great support from friends which has helped,,<br />
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sorry about v rambbling on lol and hope my experience helps you relise how beautifull you r..ciao

I dont hate you. I'm glad I'm not alone out here.

Instead of "trying" which is an AWFUL word in our english dictionary. why not just tone? Do some strength training. you'll get your flat tummy. you'll gain some muscle. Losing weight is an ENDLESS BATTLE. and besides being 108lbs you don't need it, but I understand the hatrid of self image. I once was 250lbs. Spent most of My life at 200lbs. Lowest at 128lbs I look soooooo thin! but I was never satisfied. What an accomplishment. but that HUNGER to be PERFECT.... its sabotaging. and you know what. you are perfect. Just the way you are. and so am I. <br />
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Light and Love

oh, and Im reading that you have a love for the attention, negative but attention is attention. I can tell you the pressure sucks. Thats why I put Myself at a happy weight at 140lbs. Its felt good. but then I went into self-loathing once again, and moved up to 160lbs. If you find happiness with yourself, your body will too. just a side note. Now, lol, I do also have a feeling of how you might react as, I use to react quite negatively to body image advice when I was in your position...So all I can say is love. Love yourself, find happiness, and everything will fall into place :)

Instead of "trying" which is an AWFUL word in our english dictionary. why not just tone? Do some strength training. you'll get your flat tummy. you'll gain some muscle. Losing weight is an ENDLESS BATTLE. and besides being 108lbs you don't need it, but I understand the hatrid of self image. I once was 250lbs. Spent most of My life at 200lbs. Lowest at 128lbs I look soooooo thin! but I was never satisfied. What an accomplishment. but that HUNGER to be PERFECT.... its sabotaging. and you know what. you are perfect. Just the way you are. and so am I. <br />
<br />
Light and Love

Everyone around you says you are small and your mom is jealous because she was never this small. You just may need professional counseling. I highly recommend seeing a psychiatrist. This doc will be able to pinpoint the problem. There is so much known in psychiatry today as was even 10yrs ago. I know that there is a syndrome that causes people to have distorted images of their bodies. Please love yourself enough to seek help from a psychiatrist. Only they will be able to put you on the right track.

You know what you should? Go to a gym and just look around for a little while,do some running on the treadmill. You will really see that you arent the only one with problems with your body.

I understand you a lot... I'm around 94 lbs, 5`1, I have a tiny fr<x>ame and some would call me crazy because I do not feel skinny at all. I'll go a while with eating very healthy, I'll finally start to feel good about my body weight, and then I'll binge eat.. sometimes for weeks or months. It's disgusting. But here's a great tip for you.. If you really want to loose weight, eat a completely vegan diet. just try it for 2 weeks, you will be amazed at how much weight you loose. I've been vegan for about 3 years, and in the first 2 months i went from 110 to 95. 95 is not underweight for me, it's a healthy BMI, i've been told that by many of my doctors. Good luck to you, and remember that you are not alone.

It sounds to be as if you may suffer from a condition called bulimia nervosa. This is a condition where someone will starve themselves for a few days and then binge eat on foods which are usually high in fat, sugar and salt. After these binges someone may or may not induce vomiting to compensate for the feelings of guilt. Their thoughts tend to be obsessed with food and body image. As you have said you binge on food i think this condition is more likely than anorexia which is a prolonged controlled intake of a very low amount of calories. My advice for you would be to seek medical advice, this condition can have health consequences in the long and short term. <br />
Also please don’t think that there is something wrong with you, this condition is recognised and if you speak to a doctor and get the proper help then you will recover. I wish you the best of luck and hope that this has helped you in some way.

Oh, and so you know... seeking out other people who have the same problem (as many of your commenter apparently do) is really only fooling yourself into thinking what you're doing is normal and okay. It's not.

You need to change what's in your mind... not your body. You have an unhealthy relationship with food and yourself. I really recommend seeking out things to improve your body image and self-acceptance.

I also weight exactly 108 lbs and have a bit of a tummy I want to get rid of. I think to myself maybe I should go down to 105 that would be a perfect weight but I would really have to severly increase my exercise routine but I can't possibly eat less or I'll get hunger pains and I hate hunger pains. I take in 1300 calories a day as it is now.<br />
Everyone says I look great but...

if you honestly want to lose the little bit of imperfection around your tummy, you can't not be eating... your body will seriously start to think it's starving and hold on to excess fat. you need to work out and eat breakfast, lunch, dinner, and 2 snacks throughout the day. do sit ups and cardio and do them everyday. you'll feel better and you'll start to feel your body change. Get some workout tapes, and hand weights. Do NOT starve yourself. you will not look the way you want. :) You need to eat that much to maintain a healthy metabolism. Just some helpful advice. --- It's really best to just be happy with the way you look, but I would be a hypercrite if I said that to you.. I totally understand not liking the way you look no matter how you look-- i'm the same way.<br />
Good luck!

many years ago I was were you are now i was thin but i wanted to be thinner so I do understand where your coming from and sometimes if you cant control one thing that is happening in your life you know that you can control your weight i do know how that feels

When one stresses about loosing weight yet are very slim one has unresolved issues. This is a result of comments made to someone, commercials on TV, movie magazines or other sources that have caused a person to strive for perfection in their bodies. I exercise but still remain slightly more than I would like to be but I still look OK to others. At one time I was 25 pounds lighter than I am now but it was so much work to stay at that level. With age out body produces less growth hormone and our metabolism slows down. This causes a slow gain of weight and a change in body shape and weight.. Be happy with what you have achieved as this can be a brief period of time unless you start loving yourself, exercising and eating the correct foods. Think positive find friends who enjoy you for who you are on the inside,

you dont seem like you need to lose weight maybe you just need to define your body , give it some shape,,, weights will do that ...you will see huge change in just a short few weeks! i was 13 stone now im 9'10 i still need to lose 10 pounds but i know weights will change that fat into muscle !

hey i totally understand you. I cant tell anyone how i feel because when they look at me they judge me and tell me how i should feel.! they say im crazy, that im already skinny and roll their eyes at me! <br />
They dont know how wrong and uncomfortable i feel inside. Im fat. I hate my stomach..but i cant help eating every single item in the fridge even when im not hungry and i dont know what to do about it...

honey... why dont you try this:<br />
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http://track.moreniche.com/hit.php?w=161978&s=38&c=3956&k=5775<br />
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its the only thing that actually worked for me.

You can't get six- pack abs by just fixing your diet. Having a sculpted body requires exercise in each muscle, and a healthy diet. The trick is to start by building a diet around your schedule, and then make sure you choose the non-lazy way to do everything. That alone will help sculpting yourself. But you should never set goals higher then you can achieve, which is what will make you think that you should starve yourself.(babysteps)<br />
As a side-note, models are models because they get paid by working on their bodies 24-7, and then showing it off. The reality is that most of us have 9 to 5 jobs, which means you have a small percentage of the time that it takes compared to the model. Nobody is superhuman.

I've reread this. Just to see how I've progressed. I'm so thankful for everybody thats been supportive. And I'm sorry to disappoint. Since I wrote this, it has gotten way worse. I feel terrible about it and I'm really sorry

I understand that... and I feel pretty much the same way. But not the same circumstance. I am like you with my eating patterns, though... Ugh, I just wish there was a magic button to press and make it all go away!