I Think There's Something Wrong With Me
Do you know how small I am? I weigh 108... I had to gain weight to donate blood a month ago. And everyday I look in the mirror and hate my body. I have a problem. I really do. So many people would kill to have my body. But me? Heh. One week I'm anorexic. The next I binge eat. Can't eat fast enough.
I want to say its not my fault. I walk by mannequins whose stomachs are actually flat. Or see real girls and say "Just a few more pounds..." But I can't get flat. I'm tiny but I want to lose weight.
My mom hates me for it because she was never as small as me. But here I am, wanting to lose weight.
Maybe it's because the closer you are to perfection the more pressure you feel?
Who even knows?
But I always feel so guilty for not having a flat stomach. I hate it. I can't stand having people look at me. And I know others will read this and hate me too. Hate me for weighing nothing and wanting to weigh less. But it's not the weight is it? None of us care about the weight. It's how we look.
We just want to be what they tell us is gorgeous.
And God do I want to look like that.