I Can't Commit to My Goal
I want to lose weight so desperately. I day dream of going back to my old self, from 10 to 12 years ago. I currently weight 242 Lbs, and I'm 5'7". Some friends and I are getting together to support each other. Unfortunately none of them are in the same city, I'm actually the only one that doesn't have some peer support in the same city. But I need to start somewhere, and get as much help as possible. Right?
I want to lose from 99 to 110 lbs in total, but I would be very happy if I could lose at least 30 to 35 lbs by October, one of my friends is getting married, and I want to look as good as possible because I'm actually going out of town to a wonderful and fun city (Dallas), and I want to make the most of it.
I've put my life in some kind of hold for the last 6 to 8 years and I want to take over my life right now-this moment. I'm tired of being the fat girl with the cute face that could be a really attractive girl, or the nice and sweet girl that guys might like, but fat so they pass.
I don't know, I want to meet the right guy and start a family, get the grown up life I've always wanted. I don't want to settle for nothing less, or be contempt with being single for the rest of my life, because I don't want to be single. I want to share my life or the rest of it with someone that will hold my hand whenever I might need it.
I want to live a full life, not just two thirds, or one third of what it could be, not should, because our lives are not carved in stone, but live it the best and most complete I can. I'm the only one to blame for my lack of self love, for not loving me enough to get rid of the extra weight on time, and for allowing myself to indulge in confort food. Confort food, can we really call it that? I feel good while I'm eating it, but after it's gone, the guilt and self punishment is twice the size than one I started. I wonder if anyone feels this way, too or it's just me that's weird?